It's A Brave New World- I Got Rejected...But I'm Cool With It?

[LKDag]

I had something of an epiphany today.

 

I asked a girl out today for Valentine’s Day, and she said no. This was the first time I ever asked a girl out and was denied. I’ve asked women out exactly three times in my life, and in all three cases, the women said yes to that initial date. In the first two cases, they led to long-term relationships (the first lasted 3-4 years, and the second about six). In the third led to a weird situation, from my perspective, where the girl went on the date and became "text buddies" with me when we weren't together for about a month before letting me know she wasn’t interested in dating and basically disappearing out of the blue.

 

In the case of what happened today, I asked the girl in question if she was free to do something with me on Valentine’s Day. She said she had plans, and strangely thanked me (for thinking of her over anyone else?) and that was that. I felt sheepish and embarrassed for asking, being denied, and my "feeling things towards her" being made public to her, and I felt a bit of disappointment that I was rejected (I would obviously have preferred that she say yes), but that was it.

 

It wasn't supposed to go like that, or rather, in my mind, it should have been a lot worse. Given all the negative energy (nervousness, anxiety, and fear due to possibly being rejected) that comes over me when I'm seriously considering asking a girl out, the actual act of being rejected should come with the same amount of negative energy. But, I didn’t feel heartbreaking despair. I didn’t feel crushing depression. I felt, for a lack of better words, very little.

 

I surprised myself, because it’s not like I had nothing riding on her answer- the girl in question is pretty, smart, has a great personality, is responsible, and I definitely would have liked to have had the opportunity to get to know her better and enter into a more formal relationship with her. It’s not like I asked her because I have nothing to do over the weekend and just wanted company on a boring night.

 

Even now, a few hours later, I am more wondering why I am not feeling embarrassment, despair, depression and other negative emotions instead of a mild disappointment and a lot of nothingness. Don't get me wrong- I don't want to feel those things! I'm happy that I'm not. But it's weird not feeling those things when I guess I've conditioned myself my entire life into thinking that's how I should feel.

 

Part of why this all feels so weird is because I'm a very codependent person. I've always told myself, "my happiness- or maybe more accurately, a stable, neutral mental state- is not dependent on someone else", but I guess unconsciously, I never really believed that. Having been rejected and not feeling devastated or anything, I'm experiencing that for the first time, and it's just a weird feeling, weird enough for me to sit down and write about it. The idea might be extremely obvious to a lot of people, and come naturally to them, but right now, I feel that I am starting to truly understand that for the first time in my life.

 

Just wanted to share, and see if anyone else has ever experienced similar stuff.

 

(I hope this is in the right section. It feels like it's a cross between a lot of different things, but "Dating" felt most appropriate)

[annie24]

I think you sound healthy!! That's great. she said no, your world is not destroyed, life moves on, plenty of other fish in the sea. That's how it should be.

[guynextdoor]

Hey man don't over think it. For me I've been rejected enough that it doesn't bother me as much as it does before. Sometimes you get lucky, its a good thing you didn't take it too personally.