some help with trusting again

[qt]

i'm having some difficulty trusting my boyfriend again.

 

we have a ldr but he suffers from depression so were together solid for 8 months but were on and off since then up till now (11 months) in the last few months been ver hard. he found someone else in october and it broke my heart. thing was, we kept talking and he told me he was v.confused about evrything (not making excuses for him, but its all down to his depresion) and told me that he was still in love with me, even though he did hav feelings for the girl he was currently with. that relationship ended less than two weeks and me and my bf got bk together.

we went through the ups and downs again due to his depresion and the strain of long distance.

he was having a very bad day about two days ago and had none of his close friends that know bout his situaton to turn to. he couldnt get hold of me and desperatly needed some physical comfort(a hug etc) and turned to his ex.

when i spoke him that night he told me about his day, but said he didnt want to talk about it but becasue he mentioned his ex, i had to ask. and when i asked, i found out that they had kissed, a proper kiss.

the feelings of when he told me that he wanted to be with this girl back in october just came flooding back to me, ripped my heart out. but this time i was more angry then upset. i rang him and spoke to him. he just seemed so confused. he was quiet, mainly becasue i was so angry and was just having a go. a couple of weeks ago we were talking and he was saying how he gets jealous easily and about how worried he gets about me finding someone else. but i feel i am deluding myself in the sense that it should be me worrying because this is the second time.

 

anyways, we talked till 5am that night and i just wanted everything to go back the way they were, but i told him that i've lost the trust in him now. i forgave him that night becasue i love him and as much as he hurt me, i know that he loves me too.

 

I'm living in denial at the moment to get me through it for now, but i still love him and we both want to be with each other. im doing ok i guess, every now and agian the thought of it crops into my head, but i just try and push it away for now.

 

im asking not really for advice what to do about the relationship because i want the decision to come from myself and my bf, but i just want some advice as to how i can trust him again or at least start too. i am having a difficult time with it now, becasue his phone was blocked today and so cdnt text me and just makes me worry that hes with her again.

i know that he wasnt, cos im talking to him now and hes been out in his car thinking about his life and stuff

 

so any advice people

 

thanxs

 

qt xxx

[GettingOverIt]

Hey qt,

The only way you are going to feel like you can trust him is through his words to you and through his actions when it comes to your relationship. Once trust is gone, it is very, very hard to get back, and he will have to earn that trust. No, it's not easy. It won't be easy for him to do that, and it shouldn't be... He hurt you at least a couple times, and hurt you badly. The key is that there is very little YOU can do to trust him. This is HIS mess to fix, if he really wants to.

 

HE must do whatever you need him to do, if he is to earn back your trust. If that means you hold him accountable for who he sees (namely the other girl), then that's what must happen. Are you going to be seen as a possessive, jealous woman? For a while, yes. But, if he truly loves you and he truly wants to earn back that trust, then he must be willing to live under the thumb for a while until you feel you can totally trust him again...

[confuzedboy89]

i can't tell you exactly what to do cause i am in a similar situation and i know what you feel like. I didn't start over with my gf/ex gf again so i don't know if this is gonna work but this is what im planning to do. To get your trust levels back up, you should try starting from the beginning again. Just talk to him, have a good time with him learn to enjoy him again. Then when you see him learn to get more confortable with him and go back to the level you feel confortable with him for that time and slowly work things back up to where you were. The key is to take things slow and build your trusts back up. Also you need to tell him how much you really love him and how much he hurt you and if he does it again he might lose you. If he loves you the way he says he does he won't do it again. i hope i helped. you can pm me if you want to.

[ajk]

i guess the trust issue is compounded by you being long distance. how long will it be until you see each other again?

 

trust is so vital for LDRs.

 

you have to be able to know if he will stick by his word to you, and what it means to him to be 'faithful' and if he even wants to.

 

have you read "long distance relationships: the complete guide" by greg guldner? i got in on amazon and it has very, very solid advice. it covers the trust issue very thoroughly.

 

good luck!