Am I too controlling?

[bodenseeguy]

Thanks for everything people. You were not all wrong, but some of you missed the context. But I really do see all of your points. Thanks for this. If there is more to say after reading all the comments, please don't hesitate to post further.

[ParisPaulette]

Oh man, this is a mess. Here's the thing: unless the two of you have "the talk" in which you both agree to be exclusive and "official" neither of you, in the end, can technically haul off and be upset if you see/date/snog other people. Well, you can, but there is always that "Look, we aren't official" to fall back on.

 

This is a big problem if you're already building something you think is an exclusive relationship. I've learned the hard way there are some things one should never just assume: the bill got paid, the money will come, the person I'm dating understands we're exclusive even though nothing has been said. Don't assume those things ever, because anything that can come back to bite you in the butt is something you need to verify. You know how assume is spelled, I presume? And yes, there's truth to that.

 

And I'm confused, she told you that she's in love with you, but also told you she's in love with the other guy? Am I getting that right or is she talking about before she met you? And meeting him alone at night? Yeah, not sure I buy the whole "nothing happened." But then again you aren't there to see and observe, you only have her word for it and frankly without seeing her in day-to-day life you have no real way of knowing and you can be together then this just sounds like a nightmare of insecurities and worries.

 

Wouldn't it be better to tell her you will each date and see other people and shelve the whole relationship thing altogether until the two of you can be face-to-face and then see where it goes from there?

[bodenseeguy]

yes, we've had the talk!

Great analogy with the bill and money.

Heh @assume spelling

No, she wasn't in love with him. No feelings, apparently. Just a lot of best friend fondness. BUT, she did fall for another guy after meeting me. She tried to pursue it, while still telling me she loved me. Yes, she did get physically involved with him too. And I've successfully made her see my point as to why I don't like her being in touch with that guy.

Yes, I only have her word

 

I think I'm going to try one last time with her. If this (the continuing being in touch with the two guys) is going to come up again, I know what to do. We go face-to-face once every 3-4 weeks.