My girlfriend's baby dad

[TheWeeknd]

Long story short, me and my girl have a long distance relationship. She lives in the West and I'm in the South. We see each other when we can and talk every day until im able to move there.

 

Her babys father is a dead beat. He hasn't been in the childs life since he was a couple years old. He's 5 now. My girl always tell me how he's never around for his son, but says she'll never turn him away from being with his son, but if she feels like he is only after her then she will cut him off

 

He is in jail right now. A week ago he send her an edible arrangement with balloons that says "Thinking about you". She understands that he only want her bcuz he didn't send his son anything. He gets out in 2 months and idk if I'll be there if he comes looking for her. She doesnt have any feelings for him but i dont want him hurting or brain washing her

Hes very aggressive from what I hear. He has had conflicts with her previous boyfriends. If he comes for her or we ever come face to face, how should I handle this situation?

[jjkk]

It depends on the situation. Ideally he'll be around for their son, meaning they'll see each other when he comes to take the son for a weekend or whatever. If you're around and he comes to pick up or drop of his son after spending time w/ him, just be polite. A simple "hello" is all unless he's a friendly type and wants to chit chat a bit, then just be polite as you would to any stranger.

 

If he comes for her? They're broken up, I don't know why he'd come for her unless you're worried he'll try and get her back and if that's the case I highly doubt he'll do that when you're around. Hopefully she's able to draw and enforce strict boundaries with him in that regard.

 

What kind of conflicts has he had w/ previous boyfriends? Is he initiating these conflicts? If he is known to initiate conflict w/ her current guy then you can choose not to engage in drama w/ him, whether that means not answering the door if he comes around to start trouble or calmly and firmly let him know you aren't willing to play his game and back it up w/ action, calling the police if he becomes aggressive towards any of you.

[bulletproof]

She doesnt have any feelings for him but i dont want him hurting or brain washing her

Hes very aggressive from what I hear. He has had conflicts with her previous boyfriends. If he comes for her or we ever come face to face, how should I handle this situation?

 

First, she is a grown woman and hopefully will be able to resist any "brainwashing." If he gets aggressive with her (or has in the past), then she should get a restraining order.

 

Same goes for previous boyfriends: if he's been aggressive with them, then someone should have called the cops. So should you, if you happen to be there and he gets physical toward you. Do not lay a hand on him. Do not engage in conflict with him. Get a phone, and call the cops. If he's in jail right now, the last thing he needs is more trouble when he gets out.

 

Also, she should make it very clear to him now that she's no longer interested and that you plan to move there. I suspect she hasn't been entirely up front with him if he's sending her gifts.

[TheWeeknd]

Of course he initiates it. He's even had problems with her male friends and has tried to fight them. And I just know there will be no "Friendly chit chat". Yes he's sent her a gift from jail about a week ago. So yes I know he will try to get her back. From what she's told me he doesn't give a f**k about anything and isn't afraid of going back to jail. And the biggest part is me not being there when he gets out.

[TheWeeknd]

First, she is a grown woman and hopefully will be able to resist any "brainwashing." If he gets aggressive with her (or has in the past), then she should get a restraining order.

 

Same goes for previous boyfriends: if he's been aggressive with them, then someone should have called the cops. So should you, if you happen to be there and he gets physical toward you. Do not lay a hand on him. Do not engage in conflict with him. Get a phone, and call the cops. If he's in jail right now, the last thing he needs is more trouble when he gets out.

 

Also, she should make it very clear to him now that she's no longer interested and that you plan to move there. I suspect she hasn't been entirely up front with him if he's sending her gifts.

 

1. Like I said earlier, she will never turn him away for the simple fact she has a child with him. If she realizes he's only there for her and not the child she will cut him off....but basically if a couple months go by and he claims he's there for the child she'll let him back, and the same thing will happen. It will be a continuing process

2. Restraining order will not work for the simple fact that she'll never tell him he can't be around her son.

3. With previous bf/friends he got into the altercations because he would call her and be DISRESPECTFUL as hell. SO the bf/friend would step in and tell him to stop talking to her so disrespectfully. You can't call the cops on a man for calling a woman out of her name constantly. A harassment suit doesnt do anything except make you look weak

[mhowe]

He isn't getting out for two months...why can't you be there by then?

[bulletproof]

1. So he just sent her a gift, which means he does want something from her outside of their child. Therefore, she needs to tell him to stop and then ignore all contact that isn't related to the child. If he's being inappropriate during visits to the child, then she needs to talk to a court about that. There are mediation services and supervised visits if necessary.

2. Then that's her fault, and something she needs to work out.

3. You can think calling the cops makes you look weak, but you may end up thinking that while sitting in a jail cell after you get in a fight with him.