I'm afraid to sleep

[funkydreadly]

Or rather I'm terrified of the moments before and after sleep.

 

My girlfriend "broke up" with me. I say it in quotation marks because she said she needs time to think and sort out her feelings, and that she can only do that alone, but that I should live my life as if it were truly over (really long long story that I won't go into). She seems to assume that we will very likely be together again in the future (no sooner than several months from now).

 

The fact is I can only face this as a break up. To me it makes no sense, it was so sudden, so unexpected considering the way our relationship was going. But the fact is, that even though emotionally (and partially intellectually) I still feel like we're still together, I know I have to move on. It's tough because I still think of her as my girlfriend, not my ex. For you to understand how sudden it was, she woke me up at 5am to break up with me. She seemed to have finalised her decision in the middle of the night and woke me up to tell me.

 

 

The problem is what the thread's title says. It's 1am, I have class in 8h and yet I can't go to bed. Only once before I've been in a relationship and that one lasted about 4 months. Waking up in the morning and going to bed at night were the worst parts of the day, completely unbearable. If it was bad for a 4 month relationship, how on earth is it going to be for the end of a 4 year relationship? We had plans to be together and she was still enthusiastic about them until about a week ago, when she started having her doubts (induced by high levels of stress and anxiety).

 

I know that if I go to bed I will cry and cry and cry, and I'm sick of crying. There's a burning hole in my chest that I'm able to distract myself from. If I go to bed however, then I'll be stuck with it and nothing to occupy my mind. To make it worse, it's the bed we've shared countless times before. It still smells of her.

 

How can I get over this? I can't postpone my life. On the contrary, I need to get moving on not just for my future's sake but also for my own personal well being. I just don't know how.

[mhowe]

Have a warm glass of milk, put on quiet music and sleep on the couch.

[janut1]

I remember that feeling well! I would try to go to sleep but tossed and turned thinking about him. Then I would wake up all through the night with anxiety and then in the morning same thing! I hated it. It did eventually go away and I was amazed that I was sleeping all night long again.

 

I would wash the sheets if they smell like her, drink warm milk and try to sleep. Or sleep somewhere else. It will get better.

[engraved2008]

So sorry you have to experience those emotions....but they are part of love and lost.I do believe that is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved the begin with.I apologize for my spelling ,since english is not my first language.You know ,i believe a hot relaxing no coffeine might help...and let it out.Its ok to talk....at least it makes me feell better.I was not in the best shape the other night either ,but i do feell better today...writing helps me as well since i am an extrovert.

[kbbcoop77]

Try some melatonin it helped me and it's totally natural.

[Denguin]

I remember when I was "broken up" with as well (yes, also got the whole "break" thing out of the blue), I also couldn't sleep. I think I got about an hour of sleep those next couple days combined.

 

It's an emotional time, for sure. Your fight/flight response to stress is kicking in, and that's likely why you're unable to sleep. There's nothing you can really do but give it time. In a couple days, you'll sleep like a baby from night to morning again regardless of the thoughts being there or not. In the mean time, I found it helped to talk to people about it. Friends, counsellors, or even here - any of them will do. Don't hold back your emotions... you are allowed to feel the way you're feeling. I always found that by the time I decided it was time for bed, I would be so exhausted from crying that I'd want nothing more than to sleep. Should that fail, try reading or watching some comedy before bed... Just anything to shift your thoughts even for a few minutes.

 

I'm so sorry you're going through what you're going through, but in the end, you WILL get through it. The days will feel long, and the nights will feel lonely, but your body will adjust to the shock. A lot of us have been in your shoes, and we can tell you that there is a light at the end of a tunnel.

 

Oh, and as tempting as it may be to talk to her right now, don't. She says she wants her space, and it would be a mistake to intrude upon that, especially since you say you feel there is a possibility of resolving things.