JackJackxD Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 It has been 4 months since the break up with my GF, and we were together for 2.5 years. Although I am trying to move on, till this day I still can't say I am over her yet. At the start of our break-up we tried to be friends but it didn't work, eventually, we turned into strangers, and she even unfriended me on Facebook after my one last attempt into getting her back. Today I talked to our mutual friend, and the topic of my Ex came out. Through our conversation I found out that my Ex dislikes/hates me and felt like I treated her badly, and wants nothing to do with me. My Ex seems to feel like that everything I do has an ulterior motive. An example would be me attending an event we were both invited to, and somehow she felt that I went just so she couldn't attend and catch up with her friends. She also said that she couldn't remember anything good from our relationship and felt like she wasted time on me. Hearing all these things just puts me in a very depressing mood. During our relationship, I thought of everything with her as the priority, and cared about her as much as I can. I just don't get how she could suddenly just start hating me after everything we've been through. Can't we both just accept that things didn't work out but be thankful for the time we've spent together? Instead of just blaming me for everything and directing her anger/hate towards me? After everything she has put me through and broke my heart, I still can't say that I hate her. Thinking of her gives me a sour feeling. Does this happen often to relationships? Or does love have to turn into hate? Link to comment
JohnSimons1901 Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 To be honest most relationships turn out like this I have experienced. In rare cases you can stay friends but usually their is a reason for the breakup on both parts and both energies are broken from each other. She says she hates you because there is still feelings there it's rare break ups end on a mutual desision to let each other go one is still more attached than the other. I was the same with a girl I was seeing I'm still getting over here space, time and definitely no contact help with the situation. Staying friends is a big no I tried for her sake but it prolonged the break up for me whilst she happily moves on which is going to hurt more when your still attached whilst she mentally is thinking not about you but about her own benefits. Link to comment
Clinton Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 Most breakups aren't smooth. And you can't be friends with someone you have romantic feelings for. It's a recipe for disaster. The best most of us can hope for is neutrality, you don't hate them and can remember your time together fondly. But thats usually after the feelings from the breakup have died, after a long time. Intimacy mixed with rejection or feelings of betrayel or the feeling you were let down doesnt lead to friendship after a breakup. Feelings are too raw at that stage. Link to comment
YouCanDeleteThisAccount Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 I think the hate is more a form of forcing yourself to let go. She doesn't hate you, she hates the process of thinking about you anymore. Sounds harsh, but that's moving on. She want's new thoughts, new activities, new discoveries, and you just aren't in those plans. She probably says the relationship was a waste of time because she believed, at one point, it was going to go far, but it didn't and now she's disappointed. The problem, however, is she can't get to the point where you don't cross her mind as long as you are still in touch and running into each other. But I don't think she really hates your or believes the relationship was a waste of time. She just want's to be away from the whole thing. Disappear for good and let her forget you. She'll never forget you, and after some time, little things will trigger small memories. Small memories will trigger contemplative memories, finally leading into wondering about you. None of this means you'll ever get back together, but this is how time heals wounds. And you'll discover for yourself that even though it hurt like hell to do it, it was the best thing you could have ever done. The longer you think about her, the longer you'll delay thinking about someone more important to you. Link to comment
JackJackxD Posted January 23, 2015 Author Share Posted January 23, 2015 I felt that being in each other's space is going no where so I told her I would cut contact. It has been over a month since we last talked, and when we see each other in University we just act like complete strangers even though we share the same friends. Do you think I should take a step further to actively avoid seeing her? Or should I just still talk to our mutual friends and disregard her? I really don't know what to do here because it is just so unnatural that we aren't on speaking terms anymore. I know she wants nothing to do with me anymore but she keeps popping into my mind recently and nothing seems to help forget her. Link to comment
YouCanDeleteThisAccount Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 You don't need to avoid her, although I understand the desire to do so. Even a year after my last breakup I take a double check when I park at the grocery store in hopes my ex isn't there at the same time. However, you have to do what you need to do in life, and if she's there, so be it. Don't make an effort to say hi, don't run away if she does. Just be there, and if it gets uncomfortable, either focus on what you are doing in that moment and see her as invisible, or leave. She's just an annoying neighbor now. If a neighbor who annoyed you were at one of your parties, how would you treat them? That's how you treat her. With respect and distance. There's an entire world out there to entertain yourself with. You don't need to be around her friends if you have other places you can be. Link to comment
YouCanDeleteThisAccount Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 But as a follow-up. The less you see her, hear from her, know about her, check up on anything to do with her, the less you have to process; and THAT is how you heal. You need to kill off the neural patterns you have built that give you the rush when you think about her, and start building new thought patterns. Contact=pain. Either believe it now, or believe it when you finally tire of it all. Good luck my man. You will be stronger, you will be happier, you will find love again. But will you allow yourself to start now? Link to comment
JackJackxD Posted January 23, 2015 Author Share Posted January 23, 2015 Thank you so much for your advice! It will take some time for me to finally stop thinking about her. When I told her I want to cut off contact with her I already made up my mind that there is no turning back. Even then I still keep getting the feeling of bitterness whenever I think about her, I guess that is some sort of withdrawal symptoms? But the times I've spent alone made me realise that there is a whole new world out there, and I can survive without her! Link to comment
engraved2008 Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 It just does ...I am feelling it right now.Never thought I d feell this way. Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.