Moving in together, but it`s a little more complicated than that..

[Amp33]

There`s a man I started a long distance relationship with, and it is unreal how fast weve fallen for each other. He lives in New York (eastern usa) and I live in British Columbia (western canada). We`ve recently started discussing the idea of us moving to be closer to each other. Just to discuss, but we`re not rushing things. The only thing is that I don`t qualify for any of the american visas.. It is very difficult to find a way around any of the qualifications. As for getting into Canada is much more simple. The only thing is that he doesnt want to leave where he is because he feels like he has finally become settled. I on the other hand am very okay with moving, and am more than willing when the time comes.

 

The only issue is the visa. I was thinking maybe if we were to move to a canadian city 20 minutes away from his current U.S city. That way he is still able to commute and be close to his friends and family, but he will have to be the one to get the visa, since it will be a lot more simple for him. Plus I will already be moving accross the continent. I haven`t brought this up with him yet, but do plan on suggesting it at some point if things continue to go well with us.. Does it sound like a fair give and take

[Alittlelost]

I think you need to talk to him first.

[sophie274]

Well, if you can move to that city, given that you don't know each other two well, I think it might be best for you to live in Canada, him to stay in his current city, and for you two to date normally instead of moving in right away.

 

I am a bit concerned that he expects you to move from BC to where he is and uproot your life, and has already told you that he is not willing to do the same. If you hate it where he is, will he be willing to move to BC with you down the road? I fell in love with a man I met (briefly, on vacation) many many miles from my home country, and moved to be with him because it would be impossible for him to get a visa to the US (so similar situation to yours). That being said, I would not have moved to where I am if he hadn't agreed that he would be willing to move to the US with me down the road, and would be willing to uproot himself as I uprooted myself.

[sophie274]

Ok, I just read your threads.

 

You should definitely MEET HIM IN PERSON before you even think about moving to be with him! In my case I spent 5 months in person with my boyfriend before I decided to move here for real and look for a job, and people still thought I was absolutely crazy!

 

Apparently you're 21, struggling for money in a very serious way ... what on earth will you do if you "move" to another town, can't find work, and this guy turns out to not be the person you thought he was? Your moving so fast could have very serious consequences for you. You need to slow down, get to know him in person, and maybe sometime down the road you two can move to be together. I think you are making a big mistake to even be thinking about this at this stage.

[Rosti87]

You might want to slow down the pace of this romance until you get to know each other in the flesh over a period of time. I think moving in with someone you only known less than a year and have not had regular face time to boot would be too fast in my opinion. I like Sophie's suggestion of living in separate locations and having a dating period.

[Amp33]

We have met since the last posts were made, and Skype daily. Like I said there is no way we are doing this right away. Not at all. But it is something that often gets discussed within long distance relationships regardless of what stage you're at.

[Amp33]

It's not that he is not willing, he said if he had the choice that would be his preference. And it would also be mine. I am a traveller. I enjoy moving and exploring new places. This was in no way him being selfish and not wanting to come to bc.

[Rosti87]

Nothing replaces in person dating. Long distance no matter how many Skype sessions is not the same as doing the 'day-to-day.' It is easy for both parties to hide flaws and shortcomings that could be annoying or dealbreakers to the other. As was observed by another poster. He is not willing to stretch himself in your directions which is a indication that he may not be flexible in certain areas. You need to make a note of that and keep that in mind.

 

All I'm suggesting that if you are doing all the physical changing then you need to have a backup plan or set yourself up so that you can return home if it doesn't work well.

[Tinydance]

My only advice before anything else is don't move for someone you've never even met. I know someone who went from Australia to England for an online relationship but in person that other person did not even want to be with them! So it was all for nothing because they'd never actually met before. Don't make a mistake, make sure he's really right for you first. Can you go and visit him and date in person?