To all who are heartbroken, please read this!

[cuddlecat]

In the Spring of 2011, the love of my life suddenly up and left me without any explanation. This came less than a year after I lost my mother to a long term illness. So in the span of one year, I lost the 2 closest people to me. I have never experienced such pain and heartache in my life. I was in really bad shape and questioned whether I should live or not. Not being able to afford a therapist, I found this forum and it was a godsend. This place will always remain special to me and I come back here tonight because I know how much some of you are hurting right now and how much that hurt is magnified at Christmas. I wrote the poem below and I first posted it the Christmas after I was dumped. I try to come back every year and post it again to try to lend my support and bring some comfort to those of you who feel broken right now.

 

 

Christmas Love for the Broken Hearted

 

To those lost souls, riddled with pain

as someone near and dear was taken from this earth

just like I had

 

To the sad, lonely hearts

left by ones they loved

Discarded away in an instant

just like I was

 

The those who lay suffering

With despair and sorrow

broken and empty

no faith in tomorrow

 

I feel you

I cradle you in my arms

To soothe you and heal your pain

Wrapping my warmth around your soul

 

You are worthy and special

You are loved and appreciated

by someone

me

 

 

I hope my words have touched even one person. All human beings deserve to be adored by someone. The most important lesson I have learned, and it took me years to learn this, is that one should never settle for anything less than a partner who is crazy about them. You should never have to ask for love, chase love, beg for love, compete for love or wait for love. If the person you are with is not completely crazy about you, if they don't tell you that every day and show it to you unequivocally, then get out now. Kick them to the curb and find someone who is. Don't settle for anything less than that. When you do, it says more about you than it does about them. Humans deserve happiness, you deserve happiness, not a jerk who doesn't treat you right.

 

When you love someone and they leave you, it is hard to let them go. You can't even imagine how you can go on. But you do. It wasn't easy, I was foolish and had contact and all that did was reopen wounds. You truly have to cut this person off and try to pretend they don't even exist. Let go and completely disappear from their life. It is the ONLY way and will lead to quicker healing. And with time, you really do detach from this person and you start to feel better. My breakup was incredibly painful but I see it now as a good thing because it forced me to look inward and focus on myself and understand why I end up with the same type of person all the time. A lot of it has to do with our childhood and how we see ourselves. We pick the people we feel we deserve and if we don't feel good about ourselves, then of course we continue to pick the wrong people. The key is learning to love yourself. Being able to look into a mirror and love that person looking back at you. When you truly get to that place, you will attract someone who will adore you.

 

Sending you all a big hug and lots of love tonight. You will get through this. Time will heal your wounds. One day you will be back to the person you used to be, promise! It's not to say I don't think of this person every once in awhile, I do.

And god damn, that Adele song "Someone like you" still slays my heart, but I no longer base my personal happiness on a relationship or whether someone loves me. The only thing that matters is that I love me

 

Merry Christmas

[sushiboat]

Aww, thank you so much for this post, and most especially your poem! I needed to read this.. though I have to admit, I'm still in the phase where it feels impossible to completely let go of my feelings. And at the same time, I'm happy to say that my happiness does not depend on whether he loves me or not.. though I do wish I could spend it with him. It would have made the holidays all the more grand, but such is life. I hope you have a very merry Christmas, dear. May cupid strike you with his bow and arrow if he hasn't already haha.

[BingYu]

Cheers, cuddlecat. Bless your beautiful heart

 

Merry Christmas to you too. Hope this year will be awesome for you!

[force]

It's true time heals wounds. I look at myself at this time last year heartbroken because my crush got with someone else and I was a mess. But now this year I don't even care anymore. It's a hard pill to swallow but you do have to let go if a person is not putting forth the effort, the sooner you do the sooner you can detach. Before you do this put forth more effort for awhile just to make sure and if you're not getting anything back then cut it off.

[jessnicole]

Yes!!!! This it is!!! I needed this!!! Thank you!!!!

[lucia0121]

thank you

[MStowe]

Hey cuddlecat thanks for the post. Everything you say makes complete sense. After my break up, I went NC and my ex asked to see me (he's seeing someone new).

 

I relented and we had dinner together, and at the time I thought i held up pretty well.

 

At that time he told me a number of things:

1. He didn't know how long his relationship would go for

2. Didn't know how serious it was

3. How big of a role I played in his life

4. That coming out to his parents (he's gay) recently was a result of 'just being sick of hiding it' and nothing to do with new partner.

 

I accepted all of this but over Christmas it really dawned on me. This was all lies in an attempt to make me feel better. I know this as two days later they confirmed their relationship status on Facebook and he told his parents about the new partner.

 

There is no good in catching up with an ex, and I'm learning the hard way.

 

Thanks for the post.