Long story- "She moved on" LTR 8YRS

[tom123ato]

Hello Friends,

 

I been floating around on these forums for a while and decided to make an account and possibly just talk about my story haha. I am 24 years old and she is 23 years old. We had been in a relationship for 8 years and its all over. We have been apart now for about 7 months and it seems that I did all the things your not to do. Our relationship had been like any other relationship, we had been young when it started and I think since we both had emotional issues we created such a strong bond where we could find "Happiness". At that age I guess who really knows what happiness is, but yeah years passed, we stuck around with each other and over time we could both see a decline in the relationship. She had warned me many times that she was unhappy and that there was a problem in the relationship, but I guess I grew comfortable and dismissed what she had said. I know it sounds kinda my fault but at a point when I would try to do romantic things for her she would ruin the mood or dismiss my actions as if I did not do it from my HEART. The last two years of our relationship I had gone into some money troubles and other stressors in life, instead of going through them together I decided to bottle them up and try to "take care of myself". We had gone on a trip together and everything was magical, and again we came back to reality where there was a lack of communication. A couple months before the breakup we had a conversation about it and I was fine with it. I thought that because we had been in a relationship for so many years we did not really get to see other things in life, and maybe how the single world is. At that point mind you I was fine with my life and thought everything was OK. Months later she broke up with me on the phone and we did not talk for several months after that. Seeing her she would act as if she was the happiest woman on earth while I was miserable and sad. A couple of months later I had found out she had been seeing an old coworker who is much younger than her, and the emotions really hit me. From the breakup to that point I was indeed miserable, but at this point I had become restless. Simple tasks became difficult, sleeping was impossible, my grades began slipping, and all I could thing about was her. Communicating to her as a needy vulnerable little boy I finally got a hold of her in person and cried like a baby and begged her to come back. As we had the conversation she had looked at me as if she had a barrier, soon she began in tears and I saw the old girlfriend in her eyes. As I plead for her return she had said that "It was too late", and she had "moved on", further in the conversation she said "What am I supposed to tell the new guy". That made me feel that she still had feelings for me although she was acting stubborn. I turned to the internet for answers, I continued talking to her for about two weeks like a train wreck all depressing and unattractive. I would have questions and needed closure but I would never get clear answers and was back to square one. I then turned to the internet in hopes of finding a "FIX" for what had happened. I did not know if I wanted her back because it was a blow to my ego or if it was because I really did miss her. I tried no contact but it did not work too well for me. I spoke with her afterwards and we had a lovely conversation and I felt we still had that "spark" (subjective). At this point I read a couple of articles and made it seem like my life was awesome and I was doing completely fine. Her response changed from her being awesome to life being alright., a couple days later I was moving a little fast and she starting the ignoring process (Oh im sorry, I forgot to message back). That happened a couple of times and I got the point, I decided to try no contact and work on myself, try to find my inner happiness, hang out with friends, and make it seem like life was awesome. I returned a semi-happier person, and reading text your ex back and many posts by users such as Zorba I thought that maybe I was ready to "win her bacK". I tried the text junk and it did not work, at this point her responses were very neutral and the way she spoke to me was very uninterested. Doing all the "steps" I quickly found that these get your ex back stuff was indeed trash. It requires your ex to actually actively want you back in order to work (LOL who would of thought). Well after a while I saw her again and had a conversation, she seemed very uninterested but at the same time was very unsure where we stood together. Throughout this process I felt very strung along and as if she was not fully sure if she wanted me out of her life. The new guy she is with is super clingy and seems needy, she told me how he has asked her out several times and wont stop, and has even purchased her things even though they are "not dating", but they have been actively seeing each other exclusively a month after we broke it off. As we spoke she was on the fence whether she wanted to date this new guy and seemed as if at this point it was impossible for me to "win her back". The problem I am really facing is that every time I have contact with her I start back to square one, I fall in love with her all over again, I have fixed most of the problems that were on my end about the relationship and really became a better person. When I told her in person that I would probably disappear from her life there was a short little cry of "WHY?" but that quickly disappeared. It seems that she is very unsure what she wants in life and by the subtle signs she is giving me it indeed seems like she is not over me. She is a very stubborn person and I find at times certain things I say or do bring down the walls that she puts up. The next day I decided that this was not very healthy for me and I sent her a letter declaring that I will always love her and hope she will have a wonderful life. I thanked her for making positive change in me and said that we cannot be friends in any shape or form instead I would rather have you as a life partner. I had told her several times after the breakup that I only wanted to see her happy. It was only after something clicked inside me like hey I CAN BE THAT GUY. I think of myself as a fighter and would do anything for her back but at this point I do not want to complicate her life any further, and its preventing me to move on. She had replied to the message 5 minutes later and said goodbye and that she hopes this new guy will bring her happiness. I forgot to add that when we were talking the last time she had not forgiven the relationships negativity, that also made me feel that she is preventing herself from growing. Since that day, I have been very depressed and do not feel like doing anything any more. I know I will force myself up and rebuild to become the best person I can be. In the future if she does come back I will welcome her with open arms but start slow to see if things will work out this time. I do not know why I really typed this out, I am not a big writer (as you can see lol) but maybe subconsciously I am trying to find a Hey Man! Your right she will be back, or I am venting. On a side note, this new guy seems very needy and clingy, he even is moving really fast trying to introduce her to his parents and talking about marriage. Yikes.

 

Everyone here- Stay strong, work on yourself, physically, mentally, and spirtually. It really does help. Be the best version of yourself and stay positive. Positive energy goes a long way, and always remember YOU MATTER FIRST. It really gets hard sometimes, but force yourself to smile and keep moving.

 

Thank you

 

 

Sorry for the way I structured this "story". I know its all over the place.

[HeartGoesOn]

Tom...Can you please break this down into paragraphs?

[tom123ato]

Hello Friends,

 

I been floating around on these forums for a while and decided to make an account and just talk about my story haha. I am 24 years old and she is 23 years old. We had been in a relationship for 8 years. We have been apart now for about 7 months and it seems that I did all the things your not to do. Our relationship had been like any other relationship, we had been young when it started and I think since we both had emotional issues we created such a strong bond where we could find "Happiness". At that age I guess who really knows what happiness is, but yeah years passed, we stuck around with each other and over time we could both see a decline in the relationship. She had warned me many times that she was unhappy and that there was a problem in the relationship, but I guess I grew comfortable and dismissed what she had said. I know it sounds kinda my fault but at a point when I would try to do romantic things for her she would ruin the mood or dismiss my actions as if I did not do it from my HEART. She would also let me know she hated me (but she didn’t mean it she said) The last two years of our relationship I had gone into some money troubles and other stressors in life, instead of going through them together I decided to bottle them up and try to "take care of myself". We had major communication issues at a point and I guess the love “died” down.

 

2 years back when the decline really started we had gone on a trip together and everything was magical, and again we came back to reality where there was a lack of communication. A couple months before the breakup we had a conversation about breaking it off and I was fine with it. I thought that because we had been in a relationship for so many years we did not really get to see other things in life, and maybe how the single world is. At that point mind you I was fine with my life and thought everything in my life was “OK”. Now I realized that although I was in debt I could of done other small things that did not require money, and I used money as an excuse to not do things. Months later she broke up with me on the phone and we did not talk for several months after that.

 

When I would see her after the breakup she would act as if she was the happiest woman on earth while I was miserable and sad. A couple of months later I had found out she had been seeing an old coworker who is much younger than her, and the emotions really hit me. From the breakup to that point I was indeed miserable, but at this point I had become restless. Simple tasks became difficult, sleeping was impossible, my grades began slipping, and all I could think about was her. Communicating to her as a needy vulnerable little boy I finally got a hold of her in person and cried like a baby and begged her to come back. As we had the conversation she had looked at me as if she had a barrier, soon as I opened my soul to her she began to shed tears and I saw the old girlfriend in her eyes. She was very hurt and need comfort. As I plead for her return she had said that "It was too late", and she had "moved on", further in the conversation she said "What am I supposed to tell the new guy". That made me feel that she still had feelings for me although she was seeing this guy who was very persistent in seeing her.

 

I turned to the internet for answers, I continued talking to her for about two weeks like a train wreck all depressing and unattractive. I would have questions and needed closure but I would never get clear answers, was never satisfied with the answers, and was back to square one. I then turned to the internet in hopes of finding a "FIX" for what had happened. I did not know if I wanted her back because it was a blow to my ego or if it was because I really did miss her. I tried no contact but it did not work too well for me. I spoke with her afterwards and we had a lovely conversation and I felt we still had that "spark" (subjective). At this point I read a couple of articles and made it seem like my life was awesome and I was doing completely fine. Her response changed from her being awesome to life being alright.

 

Days later I was moving a little fast in pursuing her and she starting the ignoring process (Oh im sorry, I forgot to message back). That happened a couple of times and I got the point, I decided to try no contact again and work on myself, try to find my inner happiness, hang out with friends, and find what problems the relationship really had. I returned a more happier person, and reading text your ex back and many posts by users such as Zorba (Not what he states but I took it that way) I thought that maybe I was ready to "win her bacK". I tried the text her back junk and it did not work, at this point her responses were very neutral and the way she spoke to me was very uninterested. Doing all the "steps" I quickly found that these get your ex back stuff was indeed trash. It requires your ex to actually actively want you back in order to work (LOL who would of thought). Well after a while I saw her again and had a conversation, she seemed very uninterested but at the same time was very unsure where we “stood”. Throughout the breakup I felt very strung along and as if she was not fully sure if she wanted me out of her life or she was being too nice to tell me to buzz off.

 

The new guy she is with is super clingy and seems needy, she told me how he has asked her out several times and wont stop, and has even purchased her things even though they are "not dating", but they have been actively seeing each other exclusively a month after the breakup. As we spoke she was on the fence whether she wanted to date this new guy and seemed as if at this point it was impossible for me to "win her back". The problem I am really facing is that every time I have contact with her I start back to square one, I fall in love with her all over again, I have fixed most of the problems that were on my end about the relationship and really became a better person. When I told her in person that I would probably disappear from her life if she pursued her new relationship there was a short little cry of "WHY?" but that quickly disappeared. It seems that she is very unsure what she wants in life and by the subtle signs she is giving me it indeed seems like she is not over me. But my subjective view could very much be wrong.

 

She is a very stubborn person and I find at times certain things I say or do bring down the walls that she puts up. The next day after I saw her in person I decided that this was not very healthy for me and I sent her a letter saying that I will always love her and hope she will have a wonderful life. I thanked her for making positive change in me and said that we cannot be friends in any shape or form instead I would rather have you as a life partner. I continued by saying that I will always be there for her and all that good stuff. I had told her several times after the breakup that I only wanted to see her happy. It was only after something clicked inside me like hey I CAN BE THAT GUY. I think of myself as a fighter and would do anything for her back but at this point I do not want to complicate her life any further, and its preventing me to move on.

 

She had replied to my final message 5 minutes later and said goodbye and that she hopes this new guy will bring her happiness. I forgot to add that when we were talking the last time she had not forgiven the relationships negativity, that also made me feel that she is preventing herself from growing or maybe seeing the positivity in me as the negative memories maybe come back. Since that day, I have been very depressed and do not feel like doing anything any more. I know I will force myself up and rebuild to become the best person I can be. In the future if she does come back I will welcome her with open arms but start slow to see if things will work out this time.

 

I do not know why I really typed this out, I am not a big writer (as you can see lol) but maybe subconsciously I am trying to find a Hey Man! Your right she will be back, or I am venting. On a side note, this new guy seems very needy and clingy, he even is moving really fast trying to introduce her to his parents and talking about marriage. Yikes.

 

Everyone here- Stay strong, work on yourself, physically, mentally, and spirtually. It really does help. Be the best version of yourself and stay positive. Positive energy goes a long way, and always remember YOU MATTER FIRST. It really gets hard sometimes, but force yourself to smile and keep moving.

 

Thank you

 

 

Sorry for the way I structured this "story". I know its all over the place.

 

 

I dont know how to delete or edit the first one sorry

[larthur1]

Sounds to me like you are waiting for her to come back, even if you think you aren't (I can also be guilty of this, being in a very similar situation to you). Truth is you can't. Otherwise you might miss something more special because there is a very good possibility, the only thing special about your relationship with your ex, was you.

 

I think the thing to remember mate is, do you want to be with someone that can treat you like that? You should be the most important thing in the world to her, despite your mistakes in the relationship (we all make them!) and because of them, not someone she should/could leave hanging around, especially after 8 years she should have 8 years of experience seeing just how awesome you are. Did she consider how hurtful it was for you to talk about her new fling!? Your her ex partner of 8 years for pity's sake, she should have more respect for you than that, why would you want to hear about that, as if its completely ok? Because it't not ok. She should have been nurturing her own lawn rather than look at pastures new.

 

There should be no confusion after 8 years of love and care. You don't deserve her to be confused!? I think that's incredibly selfish and weak on her part. Sounds like she needs to grow up. Shame its going to take her 5 years of dating losers to figure that one out, when its too late.

 

I think the only thing thankfully I didn't do, was beg. I sent the messages. I cried on the phone. And do you know what, it isn't your fault because she put you in that place. And thank god you feel like that because it meant you loved her truly. Could you move on with someone else right now?

 

All the normal stuff that doesn't help when reading it; work on yourself, cut contact, let go, don't needlessly punish yourself (looking at pics etc.), forgive yourself and become a better you. Time is the healer. I look back at what I was like 7 months ago and look at myself now and it makes me wonder how much better I will be in another 7 months.

 

And don't plan on what you would say to your ex if she comes back. Live in the now. The now is you aren't together. She f***** up. You didn't get the treatment you deserve after years of faithful companionship. You have complete control and freedom in your life NOW. Enjoy it.