Oh No...He Wants To See Me

[SugarSweetness407]

I don't know if you know my story so I will fill you in on what is happening in my life. I want to break up with my boyfriend, for numerous reasons, the top reasons being that he is emotionally and physically abusive.

 

I know you are probably thinking well stay away from him. If it was only that easy. I got an email from him saying that he hurt himself at work, and that he wants to see me today, because he has something important to tell me.

 

Now i have been reading the article that was sent to me over and over, and that helps so much, but i just really need some support, i really dont want to go see him, i want to stay away and right now i am okay with it, but what am i supposed to do when i get sad?!

[aries]

I am thinking that you need to remain strong and do what is right for you. Sounds like you know what that is with out saying it. I see you are 20 now....im 27, not far off...but believe me.....as you get older you will realize that you have to do what makes you happy cause no one will do it for you. You obvioulsy know that things are how they should be...and have taken the correct step in figuring out your feelings and deciding you need to stay away.

 

As far as seeing him..........think of only yourself. Dont worry if he has the NEED to see you know .....he wasnt very worried about your feelings when he was being abusive towards you in whatever manner.

 

where there is Love ....there is no room/tolerance/need for abuse in any form......yes I have my problems with my girlfriend.......but she and I have NEVER been abusive in any way. You must have repect for yourself and the other person...that works both ways...and only then can you be on the road to real understanding and true Love. Please dont take this as a sermon being given to a younger member. I am only 27 and not long ago was in the mindset where you may be now.......so I fell like may be able to relate a little better than some older members.

 

A friend said something to me the other day that has left an impression....you must first know & love yourself before you can expect someone else to love you the way you deserve to be loved.

 

Hope this helps.

[SugarSweetness407]

Thank you very much for your response.

 

I know i deserve better, and when i look back now sometimes when i am angry i think what was i thinking, going back everytime he would call...i would jump, and run to him.

 

I feel like i have lost myself completely, but i know that there is some strength left in me because i haven't just crawled up and let him have complete control.

 

Today he called, he wrote me an email last night, should of just deleted it, but i read it ( i know i was wrong for that) thats when it said that he hurt himself at work, and that he had something important to tell me to come to his house around noon, he called i was in the shower, my grandfather told him i was in the shower, he called back 15 minutes later...i was still getting ready, so i didnt answer the phone, when i left to go shopping the phone rang again, i didn't answer it. when i got home my grandfather said that he had called about 6 more times just calling and when he would answer he would just hang up.

 

Yesterday he was mad at me because we had plans to go shopping, the other night i didn't feel good, and i was sick all yesterday morning, i couldn't get ahold of him so i just went to his house, to tell him i was sick and i wouldn't be able to go, that we can just go another time...he didn't believe me that i was sick and that i had been throwing up that he actually asked me to breathe on him...and when i did...he called me a "F-ing Liar" because my breathe smelled like toothpaste. I know i know that sounds completely crazy, and unbelievable but it is so true.

 

He is also mad now because I wouldn't commit on moving in with him, he would even make the comment that if i can't commit to something like this he would have to go find someone else who could.

 

Some of you are probably reading this, seeing all the things he has done, and wondering what is this girl thinking. I used to be like that too, i used to be able to see the manipulation, and the lies and all the sweet words, and know they were just in it for themselves. But ever since i met him, i could never see it, even when everyone else could.

 

I don't know i am just rambling now, but there is just so much to say on this situation, I know i have to leave him, i really need to stay away with No Contact...But sometimes it is just really hard...thanks..

[melrich]

Hi,

 

Well I know you reda the article I referred you to and i am sure that his behaviour now is exactly what you expected. Undoubtedley you have a strong desire to see this guy and he will keep putting all sorts of pressure on you. You have to stay strong and maybe look at ways to lessen the pressure.

 

Can you change phone numbers and block his emails? Can you get away for a couple of weeks? Visit a friend in another town or state? Can you just go and stay with a friend he does not know about?

 

It is a bit like giving up smoking...you have to do your best to remove the temptation. Whilst I think this forun can also be a greta support for you I think it would be a good idea to develop a relationship with a professional counsellor.

 

Tell them your story and enlist their support to break this cycle.

 

Again if you have any feelings that he may get violent with you or your family, speak to the police. Their hands will be tied until he does something but I can assure you that most good cops will note the situation and be prepared if something were to happen.

 

The pressure on you is great. Do you see yourself with this guy for the rest of your life?....no...then understand that whenever you make this break (and it should be now) you will have to go through this difficult process.

 

Keep in touch.