ojk85 Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 It was last night, I was drunk and miserable, I reinstalled an app me and my ex used to communicate and to my surprise, there was a message from her. She was just greeting me and my family Happy Thanksgiving, and my not so smart and not sober self decided to reply. I woke up this morning very uneasy about it, looking at the conversation, I was giving her sh*t for messaging me, breaking NC, and she didn't take that too well. I apologized this morning and I haven't checked the messenger since. Its only been 3 weeks, its still too fresh, we were in an LDR and we burned out. Not gonna lie, seeing her message gave me butterflies, felt like my heart jumped out of my chest and back. Now I'm so confused and uncertain, I know we burned out for a reason, and I know I should start getting myself together first, but now I'm asking myself if maybe we can reconcile and work together to try again. I know I'm the only one who can answer if its still worth it, I know I'm the only one who knows what's best for me. But my heart is wavering, for me, she's still the one, my only one. I did some time talking to people and other girls but man, she's one of a kind. Its one of those things that makes you wonder how you get to meet somebody so perfect for you, but sadly nothing is perfect... Should I try? Should I give up? Should I keep going alone? Is this just another test for us? Or is this meant to separate us? Is it ok to still believe, that love still conquers all? Sigh.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 It wasn't a test....it was drunken mistake. And your cussing her out...not a plus. You need to move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doofus Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 ojk: I went back and read your initial thread concerning this break up. I know it's hard, but you need to lay low right now. Sending her an apology was just the right thing to do. The fact that she hasn't replied, is, believe it or not, a good sign. I guarantee that, if you can hang on, she will reach out to you again. Love may yet conquer all, but the timeline of that conquest is beyond your control. So, I say, wait, be quiet, be still. While you wait, though, think about how you could change your all's situation. Could you move there? Could you get her a job or into school where you are? For a rekindling to work, you two will need to be in a different relationship than before; in particular, you will, based on your description in other threads, be in the same location. Anyway, bottom line: I don't know exactly what you said in your drunken state, but, you two were together a long time. Whatever it was, one night of texting won't cancel it out. Plus, once sober, you apologized. You've done everything you can until she decides to make another move. I believe she will. Check back in here when she does. And if waiting is driving you crazy, check back in here, too. We'll tell you when to give up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ojk85 Posted December 1, 2014 Author Share Posted December 1, 2014 Sending her an apology was just the right thing to do. The fact that she hasn't replied, is, believe it or not, a good sign. I guarantee that, if you can hang on, she will reach out to you again. Love may yet conquer all, but the timeline of that conquest is beyond your control. So, I say, wait, be quiet, be still. While you wait, though, think about how you could change your all's situation. Could you move there? Could you get her a job or into school where you are? For a rekindling to work, you two will need to be in a different relationship than before; in particular, you will, based on your description in other threads, be in the same location. I will take this to heart, thank you so much for taking the time. I wasn't cussing her out or anything, it seemed like she was just looking for a good start up conversation and I made it sour. I don't think I can really fix us right now anyways, Im so far from the man she fell for: calm, funny, always in control, etc. I cant really do anything unless I fix myself first, I guess I just get scared that by the time Im ready again it might be too late for us... Im not sure if she'll message back anytime soon, but you're right, I just have to wait, be calm and try to move on, forcing things now will only make it worse. Concerning our situation Im actually going there in April for a business/vacation trip, so who knows... if things go well I might move there... Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trust101 Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 You know better. If she was 'the one' she would still be with you. If you were looking for any sort of reconciliation towards a platonic level it took a serious dent when you scolded her while drunk. Every one is 'one of kind' so don't hold her on that pedestal. If it truly, truly was special, the two of you will find each other again; naturally/by fate & not forcing yourself. There is no exact time frame. Hang in there & start no contact again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thekid55 Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 Don't beat yourself up, OJK. We've all been there. Trust me, I made of mistakes during some of my breakups, but you learn from it. While it may seem easy to follow NC and many of the principles prescribed on ENA, it's much harder to practice them on a day to day basis. Don't try to make plans because life has a funny way of ruining/altering what we have planned. Just enjoy the journey and live each day to the fullest. Stay busy and keep improving yourself my friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ojk85 Posted December 1, 2014 Author Share Posted December 1, 2014 Man, thanks guys, your words are really encouraging. I'll take these advices to heart and read them through when the days get hard. Appreciate it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PH88 Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 You apologized, time to move on buddy. You'll be fine. And even though this may have offended her, she will forget about it and I highly doubt would hold it against you. But I digress, keep focusing on yourself and understand it will all get better with time, it always does. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanzi Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 ojk, it's only been 3 weeks. The break-up is fresh. You are allowed to make mistakes. Both of you are, in fact. You've made an apology so the easiest thing for you to do is try to focus on moving forwards. I know that isn't easy at this stage but it WILL become easier. I don't know your background but, nevertheless, until she out-and-out says she wants you back then there is no reason to assume otherwise. Just take each day as it comes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YouCanDeleteThisAccount Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 The positive is you've taken her off a pedistal and let her know you aren't happy about this, which will force more no contact for you. The no contact is helpful because it helps your mind separate from the idea of having her available to you. The longer you go no contact, the easier the idea of the breakup becomes to you. Go long enough and you'll find you're glad you are done with it all. On the opposite side, drama can sometimes help people become closer together in the long run, but that's not a promise. Keep your head up, life isn't easy and mistakes will happen. Don't beat yourself up for having emotions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chamachama Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 I do similar stuff when my ex contacts me after I tell her not to contact me. It pisses me off to no end that she ignores my wishes and reaches out randomly anyway. I still have feelings for her (and her for me), but I am totally ok with moving on and being with other people and searching for the next great thing. But I sometimes go off on her for contacting me. Especially if I have been drinking. So I totally get where you are coming from with her contacting you. Don't contact her again and don't feel bad about being mean to her for thinking it was ok to reach out to you. It wasn't ok. You need to heal. She needs to let you heal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ojk85 Posted December 1, 2014 Author Share Posted December 1, 2014 Thanks guys.. I already uninstalled the messenger and gonna try to start NC again. I have no business chasing her or expecting a comeback, got so much on my plate right now. I want to be happy, focus on healing and set goals for myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YouCanDeleteThisAccount Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 I do similar stuff when my ex contacts me after I tell her not to contact me. It pisses me off to no end that she ignores my wishes and reaches out randomly anyway. I still have feelings for her (and her for me), but I am totally ok with moving on and being with other people and searching for the next great thing. But I sometimes go off on her for contacting me. Especially if I have been drinking. I love this. I'll never reach out to her, but if she does to me, I hope I get to do this... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nuby Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 Thanks guys.. I already uninstalled the messenger and gonna try to start NC again. I have no business chasing her or expecting a comeback, got so much on my plate right now. I want to be happy, focus on healing and set goals for myself. Good for you man Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chamachama Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 I love this. I'll never reach out to her, but if she does to me, I hope I get to do this... It comes with a catch, I never usually feel good about it. Most of the time I just want her to leave me alone. We both agree that we can't be together in a conventional relationship. In the past we have just been too toxic. So I need to be without her but she doesn't see it that way. She wants me to be there for her when she wants it and thats it. So when she contacts me and then disappears I sometimes lose it. I'm not proud of it but I'm not perfect either. If we can't be together like normal adults, then I just want her to be gone and stay gone for the most part. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luxurylover Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 Quote: "I cant really do anything unless I fix myself first," that's a good start. if you return with the same stuff you broke up over , then breakup/conflict is likely to happen again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.