Seeking advice on a recent breakup

[somewhatcrazywill]

First off, let me start by saying I'm new to these forums, but I'm very impressed by some of the advice being offered here. Hopefully someone can give me somesort of insight and clarity into my newfound problem.

 

Although I'd only dated her for a week shy of six months, I felt pretty certain I had found the person I was looking for. I've had good relationships in the past, but this one was GREAT. I mean, we both like the same music, food, you name it. I find her very attractive both mentally and physically. We both had the same long-term goals, which made things very appealing as well. For the first 4 months, maybe a little longer, things were nothing short of perfect. I lived an hour away from her and attended college locally, but that didn't stop me from seeing her on an almost-daily basis. She would always beg me to come see her 6 days a week, and the days when I didn't see her, she would call me. At first, it was tough for me, being so busy with work and school and then her, but I managed it. I met a let of new friends through her, and was quite content with the direction of things.

Then things began to get ackward. I noticed that she was becoming less interested to see me (she stopped smiling when I walked in, or wouldn't hug/kiss me, etc), and I wasn't sure why...but I still stuck with the status quo of hanging out with her most of the time. Finally I sat her down and asked her what the deal was, and she told me that she really needed some space. I was sort of upset, but I told her that I respected that and would do my best to give her that space. But I found it hard to do so, and I continued to come see her everynight, or call her on the nights I didnt (as I had done for months before). After a couple weeks of this she told me didn't want to break up with me, but she would I didn't give her space. I once again agreed, and sort of backed off a bit. But I guess it wasn't enough seeing that she told me a couple of days ago that she wanted to break up. I tried to talk to her, but she was very adamant, and was unwilling to have a conversation about it at the time. Unfortunately, she was drunk at the time, so I was left very confused. I called her the next day to make sure that's what she wanted, and she told me it was.

 

So now we've parted, but I still feel very strongly for her, and would like it if we could surpass this roadblock. But, I'm unsure if she's willing to give it another shot. She told me that we'd talk about it sometime, but not anytime soon. I don't know what to do. For the meantime I've decided it would be best to stay away from the places where she hangs out at (a lot of nights when I saw her were incidental, we just ended up at the same place), and to let her have some time alone for awhile. I deeply love her, and I know she does too, but what should I do to regain her trust and respect? A lot of it was lost when I didn't give her the space the first two times she asked. I am not a creep or stalker, or ever have thoughts of being such. I'm just a person who was terribly in love, and had grown accustomed to being with her everyday.

 

I can't understand how having just this one problem turned into a big mess.

 

Sorry if this is long or poorly written, my mind has been foggy as of late.

 

-William

[cookies]

well, its not poorly written, you got your situation accross in a real clear manner, actually. You guys were together for a really good time period ther, and wow..i was totally relating to the fact that you both liked the same music, food and was attracted to her physically and mentally as well...because i kinda got to that point, and have no idea what went wrong, b4 anything ever came of it asides caring friends....but winded up disasterous (to me)...missing the good times i had with who i thought was jus so amazing...ok..back on track here...haha...(just relating)

 

You invested alot of time and love into this relationship, so i understand how difficult it must be for you to feel as if you are at such a loss, and not even knowing what truly went wrong. Nor can i explain why and how sumtimes our seemingly "soulmate" flips a switch on us, and we find ourselves feeling so empty and abandoned in this world by our love, regardless of how many ppl may surround us. When they ask us for space, or pushes us away, the feeling of rejection somehow sets in firmly, and triggers an intensity in our feelings and desire to be with them even moreso...i cant explain it, but it does...

 

The best thing to do is, grant them their space, no matter how much it hurts us. You may never grow to understand what happened, or she may talk about it, i dunno..but in the meantime, you have to move forward with some pride that YOU MATTER. Even if you can not sit down and talk things out with her, try your best to reach within urself, and bring answers forth,..or at least get a clearer picture of what has happened between u 2...

 

To gain someones respect and trust, all you have to do is keep on being yourself. Always try to improve weakneses that you have, to bring forth the BEST you have to offer,..and become more outgoing, without contacting her at all. I honestly believe that if someone loves us, they will try to reach out to us again eventually, and that is right time to unleash your feelings, not before when she needs and wants space...

 

the old saying, "If you love something, let it go, and if it comes back, its yours, and if it doesnt, it never was"...well i dont believe that. Just because something we loved and love us in return is no longer in our lives..doesnt mean love never existed. Things happen, and ppl contribute to change the way others love us....we just mess up sumtimes, and wind up regretting every moment of when we messed up a good thing...

 

good luck bru.

cookies

[gracee]

hi there, well, i guess we're on the same boat, i just had a break up with my boyfriend, and like you the reason was really something blurry,, all seems perfect for us and one day he just woke up confused about his feelings for me...it was painful of course, but i just bear in mind that there are really things in this world that is sooo hard to explain and understand..

in your case, your gf may have found someone new that arose her curiosity....though im not quite sure about it, but the signs based on your stories are there...i do get way from my first bf before by showing how uniterested i am to him until the boy asked to have a break up with me, in your case your gf must be doing the same thing..

on the lighter side, just set her free, what are you doing right now, such as not going to places that both of you hang-up is good for now,though i know how it would hurt you but think this way, life is a learning process and you are not the only person who experienced the same thing but they managed to survived and so was you!!!

gracee

[gracee]

hi there, well, i guess we're on the same boat, i just had a break up with my boyfriend, and like you the reason was really something blurry,, all seems perfect for us and one day he just woke up confused about his feelings for me...it was painful of course, but i just bear in mind that there are really things in this world that is sooo hard to explain and understand..

in your case, your gf may have found someone new that arose her curiosity....though im not quite sure about it, but the signs based on your stories are there...i do get way from my first bf before by showing how uniterested i am to him until the boy asked to have a break up with me, in your case your gf must be doing the same thing..

on the lighter side, just set her free, what are you doing right now, such as not going to places that both of you hang-up is good for now,though i know how it would hurt you but think this way, life is a learning process and you are not the only person who experienced the same thing but they managed to survived and so was you!!!gracee

[gracee]

hi there, well, i guess we're on the same boat, i just had a break up with my boyfriend, and like you the reason was really something blurry,, all seems perfect for us and one day he just woke up confused about his feelings for me...it was painful of course, but i just bear in mind that there are really things in this world that is sooo hard to explain and understand..

in your case, your gf may have found someone new that arose her curiosity....though im not quite sure about it, but the signs based on your stories are there...i do get way from my first bf before by showing how uniterested i am to him until the boy asked to have a break up with me, in your case your gf must be doing the same thing..

on the lighter side, just set her free, what are you doing right now, such as not going to places that both of you hang-up is good for now,though i know how it would hurt you but think this way, life is a learning process and you are not the only person who experienced the same thing but they managed to survived and so was you!!!

 

gracee

[ashes]

oh goodness. if i did not come to this site, i will never know there are somany people have a breakup with a blurry reason. my bf of 7 months did the same to me. we were so in love and suddenly, he is confused and lost with our relationship.

 

i was completely hurt and couldnt figure what is wrong with us and him. I demand for an explaination and of course the answer i got was something like he is not comfortable with me anymore. the irony part is that, he used to tell me i am the most comfortable woman he ever felt with.

 

anyway, now i am also confused and lost. i have never end a relationship with a blurry reason and worst, of all men, he is the one i really love and care for.

 

my advise is to date as many women as possible. just casual dating to distract yourself. who knows, when she sees you with another woman, she might realise she is jealous because she loves you. that is what i am going to do. just to help me through this difficult times.