Is there a resentment stage?

[staypositive1]

Hello everyone,

 

For those who have not read my story, my bf broke up with me 5 months ago.

Since then I have been NC. A month ago he contacted me via fb with a "how are you" and general chit chat message. I thought for a long time whether I should reply and felt strong enough to do so. I thought I would give him benefit of a doubt and open the lines of communication in case he wants to appologise (not come back, but simply appologise) for the disrespectful way he broke up with me....

So I replied on the 5th of November, being very polite l, addressing his questions as you would when someone you know sends you a fb message. No talk about break up, nothing. I just said I was doing well and that I am very busy with work, study, etc.

Shortly after that, he unfriended me....I was so upset and felt stupid for contacting him. I felt like an idiot for engaging in conversation and I thought that this is so immature of him...

Since then I have been having this bizarre feeling, like resentment....I feel like he is not the person I fell in love with and for the first time I feel like I am better off without him.

 

So my question is - is this a resentment stage? Is there a resentment stage?

Does this mean I am moving on?

[Clio]

There is an anger stage so your resentment fits to that. You are very right that he is NOT the person you fell in love with anymore. He has changed as his feelings have changed. However, the real integrity of people comes out in difficult situations. He has shown you that he doesn't have much. You are also right that you are better off without him. Treating you disrespectfully shows that you are missing out on noone special. How he treats you is a reflection of who he is, a person who becomes disrespectful when things get tough. You want someone who stays kind to you nomatter what, not some coward who thinks that it is OK to treat people disrespectfully. You are now seeing him as he really is and you are taking him off the pedestal. You are missing out on noone special and he has done you a favor by showing you his true colors. Anger is a stage of moving on. Feel it and then release it as it is not healhty to dwell on it. Block him on facebook and carry on with your life. Your goal is to reach acceptance and indiferrence. You now know all you need to know about his true character. Blocking him and staying no contact will help you stop dwelling on the past. What is done is done. There is no way to change it. Time to move on to people and tasks that make you happy and are more worthy of your time. Good luck!

[Man with Dog]

Yes, resentment is quite normal but sometimes one feels resentful to oneself for how one handles the break-up. After all, most break-ups (especially from long-term relationships) do not suddenly happen out of the blue but there is often a period of doubt before it happens. Quite often the partner leaves emotionally before they leave physically. I remember trying to cling on when I felt the break-up coming and I guess it was the natural thing to do. As I understand it now, in the weeks before the break-up there was absolute zilch that I could have done to prevent it anyway.

 

As for someone not being the person one fell in love with, well people change over a period of time and, quite often, it is easy to wonder whether the person we fell in love with really existed at all.

 

Take care and good luck.

[DaisyHope]

Have to say my mouth and jaw dropped open when I saw he deleted you after you replied!?!! What a *bleep*!! I don't blame you for resenting him!! That's awful!!

Look after yourself.x

[staypositive1]

Thank you guys for your reply. It means a lot that you took time to do that.

 

I got a facebook massage just 2 days ago from him, apologising for de-friending me and saying that it was simply too hard for him to move on. He was going on my profile and so he has deleted me to move on...

 

To be honest, I just still feel this resentment. He broke up with me at the end...so I do not care how hard it is for HIM to move on.

[gone]

To me it sounds like your heart is still a bit wrapped up in this, and so is his. I think moving on feels like a feeling of "peace" when you think of your ex. They no longer anger you and you feel indifferent to them because they are properly a stranger. There's no bitterness or resentment at that point. It is different for each case, how long this takes. I was once in a relationship where my ex cheated on me and led a double life! It took me years to stop feeling resentment about it, and I was even bitter about feeling anything! But in my other relationships, I have stopped feeling resentment very quickly relative to that one (ie a few months, usually). I think that you stop feeling resentment when you start feeling confident you were right and the outcome is OK because there was nothing you could do to avoid it. Is that how you feel now? If not, what will it take to get there?