We broke up 2 months ago; we're also colleagues&and we had sex 2 times! What now

[kbbcoop77]

Catfeeder has a valid point. If you don't want to be hurt then cutting him off completely is the fastest and best way to heal. However if you can handle a FWB relationship then so be it, because that's all this one is going to be. Make sense? He isn't going to commit. So really it's all up to you in your head what you want to handle and accept. If it's just the sex and for some people sex is pretty important then that's one thing. Don't get emotionally trapped though because I don't think this is the guy for that IMHO...good luck

[Buco24]

Thanks guys, sorry I couldn't respond earlier.

So the thing is we spoke about a lot of stuff. He said he admits that he's being selfish and likes hanging out with me and having sex but he doesn't want to hurt me. He said we still argue about the same old stuff we used to argue in our relationship.

He said there's something, he can't explain what, what keeps him from letting go.

He's not sure and is afraid of that if we try again nothing will change.

We talked for about 4 hours. It was so full of emotions that we landed in bed. He hugged me and said I wouldn't say that but I do now, don't give that anymore. Maybe then I'll come to a decision sooner.

I said I can't do that much longer that I want a relationship. That I won't ever say decide now what you want, that I'd just say I'm leaving and if I do that then forever.

I'm a little afraid of our Christmas dinner from work next week.

 

What do you guys think about that?

 

 

 

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[Shane Falco]

I think you really need to stop having sex with him and I think you really need to stop talking to him about stuff other than work.

[Buco24]

@shane thanks for your respond. We said we won't have sex anymore. That he can maybe decide sooner what he wants. That was the decision of both of us.

I told him you can't just have the good sides of a relationship and not the bad ones. He agreed that it's not ok.

I said I want to stop hoping for stuff to happen that he'll return and so on.

Ahh I don't know, just so confused right now!

 

 

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[Shane Falco]

@shane thanks for your respond. We said we won't have sex anymore. That he can maybe decide sooner what he wants. That was the decision of both of us.

I told him you can't just have the good sides of a relationship and not the bad ones. He agreed that it's not ok.

I said I want to stop hoping for stuff to happen that he'll return and so on.

Ahh I don't know, just so confused right now!

 

 

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You have to stop waiting and move forward with the thought that he's not coming back. Because honestly, he probably won't except to try to have sex with you again. You have to stay away from any non-work conversations and you have to pick yourself up and move forward in your life. It's up to him to chase after you if he chooses -- it's not up to you. But you have to stop any and all non-work contact immediately.

[catfeeder]

He said there's something, he can't explain what, what keeps him from letting go.

 

Oh, c'mOn. That's a no brainer--simple sex with no strings.

[Buco24]

Ok so I haven't been here for a while..

It happened the same stuff, we had sex. I know that was wrong but I wanted his warmth for some reason so I did it knowing it's wrong.

You guys were totally right with everything you said. I knew that when you told me but still did things I shouldn't have done. That's my heart playing with me. I still love him deeply knowing he doesn't deserve it at all.

 

Last night I went to his place again, I was drunk and all emotions got me.

Today I texted him and asked him to say that he doesn't want me anymore face to face.

That I needed that. I'm a masochist obviously I need that pain for some reason. I told him to say it in my face. He said he can't he's not brave enough doesn't have the balls.

I said no problem I will say it. I need that to totally let go.

 

I now understand that there's no way of reconciliation for us. It's over once and for all.

 

That makes me so sad but I know that I'll be able to move on soon, because now I somehow can accept it.

I accept it that he doesn't want me anymore. He's afraid of some stuff but it's not my business anymore. I don't have any strength left to do that any longer. And if I don't stop that I'm gonna lose any respect for myself.

 

I know I deserve better. I can't say why I hoped for so long to get back with him although he again and again showed me that there's no way. He gave me hope.

 

He's saying that it hurts him so much. Yeah it hurts me as well.

 

But I don't wanna be hurt anymore. I want to decide for myself if I wanna be hurt or not if I'll be happy again or not.

I don't want to give him that upper hand to decide for me.

 

And honestly I don't feel anything right now. It hurts yeah a lot. But I won't die. I'd rather die once than again and again!

 

I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to love someone like I loved him but I guess time will tell and I'm not really in the mood of thinking about the future. You can't change it anyways.

 

I'm done with this relationship! And with all the hopes and optimism. I wanna concentrate on my life. I wanna be happy again, love again, be loved..

 

Because I know I deserve that! We all deserve that!! I hate myself for letting him doing all that stuff with me. But again that was my choice, my fault. If I wouldn't have let him he couldn't have harmed me anymore.

 

But I learned from my mistakes.

Two weeks ago I lied in the hospital and almost died. Mom of one of my best friends is dying due to cancer. And I think I have problems?! Seriously?? There are more serious stuff going out there than a break up!

 

I don't want to feel sad anymore. I wanna live!

 

I'm pretty sure everything happens for a reason. And it just wasn't meant to be! Sometimes we just need to accept that in order of moving on.

 

From now on I won't believe in any reconciliation.. ever.. again!

 

And seriously? Life is effing to short for stuff like that. I don't wanna lose any more time! 3 1/2 months lost time is more than enough!

 

So that's pretty much my resume of my hoped reconciliation! I really wish everyone that they get what they deserve. I fought for a very long time for something I thought was love, but I don't think that it was worth it at all.

 

Don't ever lose yourself while you're trying to get someone back in your life.

 

I'm gonna have a last conversation with him tomorrow and this time I'll be the one saying I won't do that anymore and that he's not the guy I want in my life. And that's it. Yeah we work together so what? I'm good in ignoring people, so I'll survive that. And I know one day the day will come when I can look in his eyes and just laugh and think what? I thought I couldn't live without you?? Watch me!!

 

Thanks for reading!

And thanks for every comment you made! I listened to everyone of it although I did it the other way. But I appreciated it very much!

 

Take care guys! And know better days are to come!! x

 

 

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