A question for a gay bi or lesbian person.

[Hulk14]

If you are homosexual how do you know? Could you think you are strait but then start to think you are gay? Or do you pretty much know your whole life? Thanks. -Logan

[ToXiC AnGeL]

well for me i didn't know my whole life, i came to the conclusion i was bi when....accually i dont really know when. But one day it just hit me that i also like girls as well as guys. when i was younger I always thought i liked girls and now that i think back i releize that there were suttle hints that i was bi, like checking girls out and stuff. But i had always thought that i liked strickly guys cos i was raised to believe that was the only gender girls could like. So for me one day i reliezed i was bi and i didn't know my whole life and as i said before there are suttle hints along the way that can tell you if your gay, bi or lesbian.

[ToXiC AnGeL]

when i was younger I always thought i liked girls and now that i think back i releize that there were suttle hints that i was bi,...when i said girls i really ment guys lol

[11flower]

Yo hi there y'all,

 

Okay, I consider myself a total straight lady (at least I don't want to be anything else).

 

But I want to share a little I just recently heard from a lesbian lady because I asked her about her own experience (from an medical transcription list I"m on) . She mentioned that she had been married to a guy and had kids. But, she never really was turned on in bed and couldn't open up sexually to her husband. Then, she fell in love with a woman and she just couldn't control this feeling. As to falling in love and having feeling which overwhelms you that you can't control towards a person when you're attracted to him or her, well, I think that maybe when you guys are older, you might know MORE what I am talking about. You're pretty young, I guess, so you are still working out who you are, what you believe and what you like, etc. I went through this too, and everyone does. So, this isn't talking down to you or "pulling rank" on you.

 

She said that it comes down to *desire*. Desire is part of who we all are and is in our bodies. Does this make sense? This lady who is a lesbian has a desire for other women and doesn't know why.

 

Now, my husband and I, individually, think that there is a line that is drawn with these sexualization of relationships. Many times we can love someone else, but are not sexualizing it. Other times, we can have infatuation toward those of the same sex, but this doesn't mean it is actually a sexual desire, or a romantic desire. Infatuation in the way I'm talking about means that there is someone you admire totally and you get the warm fuzzies about them because they're beautiful or smart or have qualities you like and maybe you want to be LIKE them. But this doesn't mean that you want a sexual relationship with this person. Sexual feelings come into play because we are all sexual. But our love identities and objects of sexual affection and expression are a different story.

 

Am I making any sense so far?

 

11Flower

 

Why think that just because you have sexual feeling for someone of the same sex because they are beautiful or attractive that you are automatically gay or lesbian or bisexual?

 

I think you should know that we are all sexual beings. We all love beauty. We all love sex in one way or another. That's how we are made by GOD and how we're created. But just because you look at a person of the same sex and have a sexual feeling because they're a jock or whatever you'd like to look like, doesn't make you gay or bi.

 

I think you're just trying to figure out what it is you're feeling and how to categorize what it is you're feeling and thinking. All part of the process of figuring out who you are.

 

It's good that you are asking though.

 

11Flower

[gift from the gods]

Well......i feel inlove with this girl, she started off as a friend and as we got better friends i just had feelings that i couldnt get rid of for her and, luckly for me, she liked me too... i meen its all over now and were not friends anymore but i still find other girls (espesh this one girl!) very attractive and fancy girls as well as guys. BUT meny meny people just go though phases, and i dont know, i might not be with women when im older. I dont think you have to always put a name for yourself, have fun and if things feel 'right' then maby you are gay/bi?

x

[beemersv101]

I agree that it's not always necessary to put a label on yourself. I think sexual feelings/prefrences varies for each person. I know some people like to say it even comes in degrees, so to speak. And of course, I've heard people say (but I'm not positive about this myself, I haven't researched it or anything) that psychologists have generally accepted the notion that all humans are bisexual, but are then sort of programmed to try and fit into one category, either heterosexual or homosexual. Like I said, I don't know the validity of that statement but it's definitely food for thought.

 

Oh on another note, the movie Kissing Jessica Stein makes an interesting point on this topic.

[cosqui32]

I agree with most of the replies!!!

 

I grew up liking boys, because thats the rule, even had crushes, but as i got older id catch myself checking out girls. In college i realized that i tended to have sex with the guys but thats it, and with the girls i cuddled and felt more open! But I still love men and the way they are, but i also love women in a more committed way!

 

I had 1 serious relationship with a guy for 3 yrs, but i just didnt love him like he wanted, i am now with a woman and very happy, its been 2 years, and i we hope it comes to 100 more!

 

note: the woman i am with was married and has a daughter, she never been with a woman until she met me, she was just curious and she loved it...although i asked her once if we were to ever finish would she fall for another woman, she said no, because she couldnt. why? i dont know, but i will ask her just to post it here!! LOL

 

point being that she was just bi-curious, i realized i was bi, so i guess its just different for everyone. i have a lesbian friend who says she knew always and that she is a man trapped in a womans body, but i have other lesbian friends that say they love being woman and love women! so its a very open topic! so many reasons!!! but i just know mines !!!!LOL

[Cloud802]

First of all, I'd like to say hi to all the ladies, (jk, I got a girlfriend). Speaking of ladies there's too damn many on this post, we need to spicen it up a little.

 

As the first guy poster on this thread I figured out I was bi thanks to my g/f, yes, it's all her fault. She's the one that made me bi, well, I mighta been my whole life but that does NOT count whatsoever!!!

 

And yes, there are subtleties to hint that you are attracted to the same sex. When I was straight I forced myself not to think like that, repeat, forced.

 

As for the hints there is a wide range of things, having dreams, fantasies, checking them out.

 

And it's not a rule to be straight, even if it is it's a rule so it's meant to be broken.

 

Pointless ranting ensues in 3... 2... 1

 

And plus that, I hate it how most gay people talk, it's a total turn-off, I want my girlfriend to remain feminine, it has to be the same with a guy. If I'm checking out some guy who's gay and I start letting my mind drift into that ever so popular place that's known as the gutter I don't want him to walk up to me and start talking like a girl, it's freaky!

[NotGay,Really]

Hey there, Logan. This is a good question. I was too shy to ever ask when I was your age, and spent many years wondering about this and, frankly, worrying.

 

Most experts today believe that there are hardly any people who are completely straight or completely gay. But it is safe to assume that most people eventually settle on one or the other. Young teenagers, for example, may be curious and change their minds from time to time. The important thing is that they not try and force themselves (or let others force them) to "decide now."

 

SEX is another issue completely. Whenever someone decides to have sex, it involves a lot more than just being gay or straight. It means getting involved in another person's life, making some sort of commitment (wheether both partners intend to or not), as well as health issues. But if a guy does have sex with another guy, that doesn't necessarilly mean that either of them is gay. (After all-- there are guys who have sex with farm animals. That doesn't make him a farm animal, does it?)

 

There are web sites that have a lot more advice than I could ever give you. A couple you may want to check out are link removed, link removed or link removed.

 

I hope you will be happy.

[scilla22]

I have always known i was a lesbian but never came until i was 15. I believe people know but denied because of how other epople are going to react to them being gay.

[FeelinLuckyPUNK]

Ive known im bi for a long long time.

 

Its simply put this way. Ive always been shy of girls but then one day i was watching a tv show (i was 13) and some guy came on the tv. I swear to god i froze and just found i was totally attracted to him. Ive tried to fight it but it wont go away so i have to live with it and accept it.

 

Thing is though, it wasnt your typical muscular person. He was chubby, hairy and the total opposite of the stereotypes. A bit like James Gandolfini really...

 

I love being bi but i dont think i can tell people yet...

[pianoguy]

I'm a gay college student, I can tell you how I realized I was gay if it helps at all. But- I need to stress this- DON"T CATEGORIZE YOURSELF. You will learn about yourself if you are just patient and watchful.

 

I realized I was gay for certain when I was 13. This is rare, but I was very mature for my age then (I passed for 21 when I was 14). But when I finally knew was when I fell in love, and this is the true test. The problem is that love is a very complex emotion and combines feelings of sexual attraction with feelings of emotional attraction, but somehow transcends both of those. It is also very difficult to describe or explain romantic love to someone who hasn't experienced it before, but I'll try briefly. When I'm around John, I am of course sexually attracted to him, I have trouble focusing and I have a great desire just to look at him and bask in his beauty. But there's more to it than sexual feeling- I also feel this desire to be close to him, as close as possible, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. When I am not with him I think of him constantly.

 

Romantic love is not to be confused with lust, which is very similar (more so than most will admit). Lust often leads to love, but not necessarily, and the two are different. When I'm around Alex, I am struck by his beauty, his incredible hair, eyes, etc., but when he is gone I usually forget about him. He might pop into mind occasionally, but I'm not preoccupied with him, and I'm not driven to be around him or to be close to him.

 

Romantic love is also not to be confused with platonic love, or the love between friends. Platonic love is incredibly beautiful, but it is not romantic love. When I'm around Robert, I'm happy, we enjoy each other's company and talk about our lives. We often act like an old married couple, and if a day goes by when I don't see him I feel sad. But I don't feel this electric, driving feeling, this incredible chemical desire to be near him.

 

Obviously it is possible to have platonic love for either sex. I am told that straight people sometimes lust after people of the same sex and that gay people sometimes lust after people of the opposite sex, although I myself have never lusted after a girl. But straight people cannot have romantic feelings for the same sex and gay peple cannot have romantic feelings for the opposite sex. Bisexual people can have romantic feelings for either sex. I have to admit that I find bisexuality very confusing myself.

 

I never truly fell in love until I was 19, so be patient, and watch. Follow the feelings that seem right to you, trust your instincts. It's not always a bad idea to try dating heterosexually to see if it feels right, but

try not to use people. I broke a girl's heart, and I have to live with that for the rest of my life. We only went out on one date. It helped confirm that I was gay, but I wish there was some othe way I could have done it. without hurting her. Things are better now, we have a deep, platonic love for each other, but do try to avoid that if possible.

 

I wish you best of luck in life and love.

[probwguys69]

well let me see! i dont think anybody is just born and knows that they are gay/bi whatever. the easiest way i think 4 u to know is if u catch ur self likeing the same sex. whats more obvious than that?! well anyways at least 4 me it was. let me tell u my story.......for somereason i would always check out girls more than the usual, i love their body their curves. didnt relize it though till about a year ago when i started college. there was this girl (butch) who just fasinated me the way i never thought someone would. i thought that i was just curious because she dressed like a guy , ppl said that maybe that was the reason that i liked her. but then why not just b w a guy?! well from then on we talked n messed and were kinda togather it didnt work out but i havent been with a guy after her. maybe u just need to find the right person to get u out of the closet.