EX-streme confusion...

[Clara]

I was dumped by a guy I was seeing for about 2 months. We got on very well and really hit it off. It was a strained relationship though as he was one of my brothers friends. On top of that my guys 2 closest friend have fancied me for years and nearly everytime I saw my bf they were there. I felt that my man was trapped between to loyalties and was very aware that I was as he percieved 'a popular girl' I don't think he wanted to look too involved with me as it would only have made his 'friends' more intrusive. He is 22 and I'm 19, it took us a while to get together and we took it slow, we were very considered, so when he ended it suddenly i was very confused. Part of me could see it coming but I knew if it did it would be for the wrong reasons, but i felt powerless to change it as his friends are closer to him than I at this stage and have alot of influence with his choices at the mo. His career is also stressing him out as he 's a graduate and hasn't been able to get a job for a year now. He feels like a bit of a loser and is very stressed with himself. It seems he just wants to go out drinking at the weekend to the same places with the same people surrounded with all the familiar, safe things in his lfe and try to to get as little stress in his life as he can. He used to say I shouldn't get caught up with him. Honestly i was captivated by him, he has a wealth of potential and qualities he has naturally that make him totally amazing to me. The last night i was with him, he was all over me, we went back to his house, talked for a bit...he said he wanted me to take the lead...we never consumated our relationship but were very intimate together. I remember we just lay to gether, he was tickling my back and playing with the laces of my boots. I left that night, kinda scared thinking about how i'd take the lead! We were both scared of each other, or intimidated, I can't put my finger on it but all I'm sure of is we liked each other alot. After that night his texts dwindled and exactly a week later he phoned me and said it was over. He said it was him, not me and that his career was stressing him out and had to be a priority but said he hoped i knew he really liked me. I'm was in shock. A week after that i saw him when i was out in a local club and he ignored me. We hadn't been in contact for nearly two months and I decided to text him as I still really fancy him. He texted me back. I 'm iniciating everything tho. I need to know why he's really decided to do this and why he's shut me out to such a degree. Should I try and approach the matter when it feels appropriate or just leave it? plus is it possible that he just went off me? Your advice would be much appreciated. Cheers

[charlotte_skye]

Hey Clara...

You doin ok? First off try not to stress too much or over analyze things( not sayin you are here) as we all seem to do when we dont understand things, the thing is here with your situation is that he hasnt given you a reason and so so so many people do this ,i suppose for all different reasons though non are viable, the main thing is when you dont recive a reason or closure (if there needs to be closure) is you dwell on it and start to wonder about things and then all sudden your beginig to think what ifs and buts and things that you know deep down have got no real logic to them at all, but your just soooooo desperate to recive an explanation, but the truth is noone can really give it to you but him, which sucks!

I know form my experience I fele in love with a guy in a very similar situation, it was wonderful except he was nervous about gettin so close n then bang he just gave up and didnt say why except that he cared for me and well it took alot longer to get over him then it would have if i had of been given a real reason.

Yuour situation and my opion/advice ( yes i am gettin to it) is that in my view its kinda obvious whats goin on..........your even kind of answerin the question yourself. Like you say your this wonderful popular fancied girl and as you say all his mates fancy you.....now put yourself in his position, would you maybe feel alil intimidated by her being so popular and everyone fancying her and maybe alil bit worried and paranoid to give her your heart completely.....it sounds to me liek maybes hes actually whether he shows it or not , possibly a not so confident person or maybe hes been hurt before, maybe a girl has left him for someone better b4...who knows but it sounds liek hes too scared to get involved with someone who is so poular and beautiful as maybe with everyone liking her he thinks maybe she'll realize later she could do better and leave him or that maybe he feels you might realize he aint good enough or along the line of this.

The reason hes asked you to take the lead is similar to the reasons why my current boyfriend asked me the exact same thing when we started out ( and i sused why he did even then) and its beacuse he wants you to do the whispering sweet nothinsg and calling him etc etc cos then he sbeen proven each time you do it that you are choosin him and want to be with him which assures him you still like him.

I dunno maybe im wrong, its hard when you go off someones interpretation without knowin the people involved, but if its anythin like past experiences ive been thru i should be right.......either way i hope it helps......take care and enjoy life!

[listener]

weird. I happen to be a guy and im not sure why he broke it off. It seems taht your a wonderful person and a great friend and that if there really is something going on in his life he should be able to work it out with you. Mabey he broke it off becaue he doesn't want to hurt you. If you really care about him just tell him your feelings and let himsort it out. If you want to be in a relationship then takin the lead might mean the also kind of wants a break from being the dude. Guys are put under pressure to take care of everything in a relationship and he might just need a little help. Hope you work it out.

good luck!