Question for other bisexuals who have trouble staying with one gender

[Moon13]

So I've seriously dated three men, including my current relationship. I've never seriously dated a woman because I have never had the chance. I've definitely experienced women, and there were only two women that I've considered seriously dating, but I could tell one just wanted fun and I didn't want my heart broken, and the other one ended up moving away for a year when we had something good going. And during that year she was gone I met the most amazing, faithful, supportive man in the world. I want to be with him, but my problem is I want to be with women. I know I'm bisexual or pansexual and I'm 100% not a confused lesbian. My problem is that with every serious relationship I've been in with a man, I fantasize a lot about being with women, and I feel guilty about it with the current guy I'm with.

 

My first serious relationship would only allow me to sleep with women if he was included, but that never happened, nor did I want it to because I didn't trust him. He ended up being a cheater, and I ended up cheating on him back with women. My second serious relationship said he didn't care, and he didn't want to hear about it. I felt bad assuming he didn't really want me to, but I did go as far as making-out with a few women at parties when I was drinking. But this relationship is so amazing, I can't possibly ever do anything to betray him. I've talked to him about it to see what his boundaries were like, and he doesn't want to do a threesome and if he did it, it would be for me. And he said if I were to sleep with a woman, she has to be top notch because I don't deserve anything less. Then I asked again one day if he would be upset if I did, and he said yes. And I said then I'm not going to, because I care more about you then my sexual needs. But the reality of it... is that I still want to.

 

I hate being like this. And I have no idea if this works the other way around for me because I haven't seriously been with a woman before. Like I don't know if I were to be with a woman, if I would fantasize about being with men. I don't want to leave my boyfriend to find a more polygamous man, I want to be with him and include him in whatever I'm into, but I never want to pressure him into anything, which I don't do anyways. Does anyone else feel this way? I hate being what most people think of bisexuals, because I know for a fact there are highly monogamous ones out there.

[Iggles]

And he said if I were to sleep with a woman, she has to be top notch because I don't deserve anything less. Then I asked again one day if he would be upset if I did, and he said yes. And I said then I'm not going to, because I care more about you then my sexual needs. But the reality of it... is that I still want to.

 

It's possible that you're pan-romantic yet sexually lean towards women.

 

I don't want to leave my boyfriend to find a more polygamous man, I want to be with him and include him in whatever I'm into, but I never want to pressure him into anything

 

If he's a monogamy oriented heterosexual man, including him in the type of interests you crave may not be possible.

 

It sounds like you are still figuring out your sexuality and which relationship configuration works best for you. You may find that polyamory is more satisfying for you in the long term because you can have sexual relationships with both genders and a primary relationship with a man. In that case, continuing to date you would be hurtful to him so parting ways may make sense.

[Moontiger]

First, how old are you?

 

I've known many bi-sexual people in my life. Most were perfectly capable for being with just one person. Others however were not. Some people can't. What you have to do is figure out if you are Mongy or Poly.

[agent1607307371]

Everyone wants to. Monogamy is just deciding that sleeping with other people is a deal breaker and then keeping to that. And who you are attracted to plays no part in how you see that decision.

 

But it does sound like you are not happy when in a monogamous relationship. So really the only thing you can do is find partners who are not monogamous. Because that is not a good mix in the long run.