Ex asks for a meeting

[LilyMarie]

I broke up with my ex a little over a month ago. I did the dumping, but it was one of those "forced dumping" situations in which I would have been a fool to stay in the relationship. We emailed a couple of times immediately after the breakup, but the content was basically him saying that I was being unfair and me reiterating that I was not interested in either a relationship or a friendship. I still have some of his stuff at my place and after not hearing from him for a few weeks, he texted last week asking if he could drop off my stuff (I can't even think of what he has of mine and didn't ask for anything back). He wanted to do it that day, but I figured if he was going to do that, then he could get his own stuff at the same time, and I wasn't able to do it that day. I asked him to pick another time, and he said that was fine; he then tried to continue the conversation, but he didn't pick another day, and I didn't respond. Anyway, a few days ago, he texted me again inviting me to dinner. I didn't respond to that either. What do you suppose he is up to here?

[HeartGoesOn]

What do you suppose he is up to here?

 

The answer lies within you, are you done with him, or are you not?

[LilyMarie]

Yes, I am done. This guy and I had what I thought was a pretty serious 10 month long relationship - spent virtually every day together, met all of his family and friends, talked about moving in together and even possibly re-locating together (we both dislike our current city), etc. But we hadn't said we loved each other, and when I finally said it, I suddenly got this line about how he "never falls in love and never commits," which was news to me. When I tried to discuss this (I mean, I thought we were already IN a committed relationship), he completely shut down - two weeks in which every time I brought it up, I was either ignored or snapped at or subjected to eye-rolling and sighing. I told him at the time that the way he was acting was pretty much ruining both the relationship AND any potential for friendship, but he didn't stop. Now, looking back, I can think of multiple signs that I ignored that indicated I was not a top priority of his, and that he was never all that worried about my feelings. Seeing this now is, quite frankly, humiliating and has killed nearly every ounce of feelings I had for him. I think I MIGHT be susceptible if he offered some grand apology, but he hasn't tried so far (the only time he has mentioned the break up was to tell me I was being unfair), and, quite frankly, if he wanted to apologize, I think he could do better than a lazy text asking me to dinner like nothing had even happened.

[ParisPaulette]

Yeah, honestly given your description of what went down this sounds like either he a) wants all the benefits of a relationship, but without any responsibility or accountability should he decide at any future date to chase someone else--"Why are you upset I slept with her, i told you I never commit remember, you agreed to that" OR b) he's trying to reel you back in and then dump you in a game of one-upmanship. And I say that, because of how childish he acted over the whole thing. Obviously he thinks if he can get you face-to-face he'll plead his case and get you to accept his terms for the relationship. I don't see anything in what you wrote that says he's changed his ways or even really thinks he did anything wrong, just that you should have accepted his half-commitment and been happy with whatever favors he chose to bestow on you. Ugh, the man has a massive ego, right?

 

This reads a classic emotionally unavailable guy who tried to manage down your expectations on the relationship and thought he had you enough in the bag that you'd cave and agree. And now that you haven't it's dawning on him he'll have to get back out there and try to find some other girl to sucker into the position. Good on you for not accepting half a relationship or putting up with his tantrums. I'd say just pack his stuff up and ship it to him and be done with it altogether.

[LilyMarie]

Thanks, Paris. That's what I was thinking too. I've had exes come back around before, and the ones that genuinely care always begin with an apology, even when they don't want anything more. Of course, an apology doesn't always mean anything either, but a lack of one speaks volumes. I really feel insulted.