we were so in love,still r,how could she&what should i d

[Philmaximus]

Hi guys, reading through these forums, there seems2b soom great people offering some great advice. i'm in need of this now..i've had my heart broken and don't know whether to repair it with the person who broke it or let time be the key..... here's my story, thanks

6 months ago, i met the most amazing girl, who was just coming out of a difficult 5year relationship, which i helped her through in a gentleman-like manner. We knew we liked eachother and i helped her from being trapped and helped her mentally to be free from all the pain and hurt.

Thereafter, we both couldn't hide our feelings and over the last 2 months, have shared the most amazin time together in eachother's company. life really could not of been better, and we soon knew we were in love with one another and we had everything, not one aspect could be better.

From being in a couple of deep relationships before, i know that i am not being naive to the feelings we have, they are true, and better than anything. (were)

However, last week, her ex came ova one evening to return and pick up some things, and he trapped her, and acted like everything she had ever wanted out of their relationship, and tricked her into spending the night together.

I was told (by her) the morning after, and have been absolutely devastated over this xmas period, i've hardly been able to breath or do anything.

She has been the same, and could not feel any worse about what happened, and so realises what she's done and is frightened that she's lost me, and now realises what i meant to her.

My dilemma, is my battle between my head and my heart. my heart doesn't want to lose the fantastic time we shared, but my morals and dignity are also fighting to say no.

She knows that she only wants me, but is it too late now... i don't want to lose her, and trust her (Where i wouldn't usually) that she is so sorry and believe it can make her a better person for me.. but don't know what to d, i don't want to be weak, but don't want to lose her, I do love her, and I know and she does now that she loves me too and doesn't wan to be without me… she's so sorry….

What should I do…..?

[sayer7]

Forgiveness is hard but truly very possible. I understand your hurt, been there myself. It took me a very long time to forgive that person... years actually. But it is very possible to forgive them. For me I left the relationship but I think if I had stayed it would have just been stalling the inevitable final break-up- there were other major issues that were having additional negative impacts on the relationship. If everything else in the relationship had been fine and I truly felt he loved me, I would've stayed to wait out the storm. I'm a very loyal person. I had to weigh my pros and cons for staying in the relationship and ultimately I saw the relationship as dead-ended and not mutually respectful...it was an abusive relationship in every sense of the word but it took me a year to figure out video cameras in every room of the house to watch my every movement ISN'T a normal healthy relationship.

 

As for you... it sounds like your relationship with her might be worth waiting out the storm and seeing what comes out of it. You didn't mention any other major problems in the relationship and she seems to completely regret what she did. In time I think you might be able to forgive her and she may be able to earn your trust back. I think true love isn't fair weather love... true love has its major upheavals and what makes it true is being able to manage those upheavals and still remain together and the love grow stronger. It takes time to earn trust back... I would wait and see what happens- Ultimately it is YOUR CHOICE. Weigh the pros and cons... you know yourself better-- you know your morals and ethics. If you feel right now you cannot possibly forgive her or trust her again- then maybe it's better to take time away from the relationship and then re-evaluate once you have regained your strength and have healed and can look at the relationship with a new awareness. If you stay and feel like you can't forgive her or trust her again, you may be throwing the incident in her face, trying to hurt her as much as you feel hurt now-- and that isn't how to love someone.

 

Hope this helps some... I'm sorry about what happened. You know what is right for you, just takes some time to look inward and make the right decision for you.

[Day_Walker]

First i highly doubt her story about being tricked into sleeping with her ex. She had to be a willing participant or she was raped, thats pretty much wut it comes down to. So unless she was raped, she made a conscious decision that she wanted to sleep with her ex. At that point she didnt care about your feelings and now she is begging for your forgiveness because she doesnt want to lose you. Now it seems that you have put in 6 months worth of time with this girl (2 of those months you have been together). You need to realize that what she did was wrong and she needs to be punished for that mistake, if you take her back then you are saying its okay to cheat on you because you have such feelings for her that you are willing to forgive her. Given the short period of time you two have been together it is best that you cut ties with her, if she is going to cheat after only 2 months of being together then this isnt the type of person that you want to be with.

[annie24]

Yeah.... I agree with the whole being "tricked into spending the night together" thing. That doesn't seem quite right. People make conscious decisions. Only you know if it's a deal-breaker for you, or if this is something you can work through. Good luck!

[Philmaximus]

thank you all for getting back so quick! as any help i get is going to feed my mind and help me think about what the right thing to do is.

On the quote that, she was tricked, maybe that isn't so, i meant more that he came ova (the ex) and gave her everything that he had denied her in their long relationship, showed her affective, desire, want, and then as soon as it was over, got in a mood with her, came out with some comment, suggesting that he had "done her over" and left...... he knew what he was doing, she was weak, but i agree with your points that at the time, she couldn't of cared for my feelings, and was in her right mind..... thats one of the hardest things, she knew what was doing, knowing that her bf who gave her everything she neva had was round the corner dreaming of her.....

and sayer7, its true, there were no problems in our relationship at all, it couldn't of been any better, i'm sorry u seemed like u were hurt too... like u, i couldn't of been any more loyal to her (and yes i have messed up b4 n another r-ship) but it wasn't going to happen this time, cause it was so right.

I do need time, cause i can't fink right now, let alone brief.. and it will be a matter of weighin up the pro's and the con's . . . but maybe she does need to learn... even though i don't want to lose her...

thanx

[voltaire]

This is a decision I too had to take. Your 'morals and dignity' have been offended as you put it (in fact you put it very well, I understand exactly). This means that if you stay with her you will have to live permanently with the knowledge of that offence, OR you will have to change your concept of morals and dignity. I decided that it was highly unlikely I would change sufficiently for this not to matter to me, although time does heal. However I split up with the woman who had offended me, and many years (and relationships) later I met the perfect woman for me. By great good fortune she felt the same about me. What I'm saying is that there are people out there who can give you what you need without you compromising yourself. Only you can decide if the knowledge that she could forget you so totally for one night is important enough to warrant breaking it off. I can only say that I'm glad I did.