My two best friends don't bother with me

[Moon13]

So my "best friend" ... she still calls me that, yet never bothers to call me, text me, or even make plans with me. She doesn't interact with me on Facebook, but she does with her other friends, and makes time for other people and I don't get invited. I make plans with her and she either forgets about them, or is always busy. This has been going on for a long time, and I've been feeling like I have no friends. I actually stopped talking to her, because why should I waste my energy on people who clearly don't care to make time for our friendship? The last three times we saw each other have been awkward as hell. She talks to me like she doesn't know me yet still hugs me goodbye and says "I love you" and pretends like nothing is wrong. But I'm kinda pretending like nothing is wrong too, because intuitively I feel like there's more to it.

 

Along time ago she was very drunk and told me she was jealous of me, but didn't say what, and I didn't ask because it was awkward to hear your best friend is jealous of you. After that time last year, I started thinking about it and realized things she could be jealous about. We both got accepted into the same university for painting (both our passions), but she couldn't afford it and didn't go, and ended up going into a college program a few years later, into advertising which was kinda artsy. Another one is looks, I'm not being superficial but I am socially better looking and she makes it obvious that she thinks that way, and compares herself to other people. She now has bleached blonde hair, dresses differently, and told me she's getting provocative piercings, and a nose job, and she spent $1000 on hair extensions. Another reason is our family's, I have a very normal family. Her dad passed away (the only functional person in her family), her brother is an alcoholic, her mom is psycho and depressed, and her sister has borderline to the extreme. Ever since her dad passed away she's got worse, and so would anyone else. I was there for her as much as possible. The only thing I can think of that she might have resent on me is that I wasn't financially there for her and I wasn't able to give her a home. But it's not my fault, it's my parents house, not mine. Another thing is that I have a very respectful, great boyfriend, and she keeps landing on these losers who treat her like . She's dating a guy now who played her hard and she got really upset by it.

 

The only other thing I can think about is that she thinks I'm boring, or not adding to keep her numb. I quit drinking because I suffer from depression, and I started working out and going to bed early and eating healthy instead. I tried to motivate her to come work out with me and she wouldn't, and wanted to hang out and make healthy lunches and she didn't make time ever. Regardless if we live different lifestyles, I still want to hang out with her, doesn't matter what we do, as long as I'm not drinking.

 

Last time I saw her was super awkward. She works at a pub, and had an art show that she put together and I was in it. I was going in it for free, while the other artists payed, because she said I didn't have to pay since we were friends (this was a month before the show). A week before I had to sign papers saying if work gets damaged it's not the pubs fault. And while I was signing the papers, she treated me like I was doing business with her, and not as her friend, and then told me I have to pay. And I was like uhm I thought I was doing this for free. And she talked out of it and basically I didn't have to pay again. Then she told me she loved me and hugged me by which caught me off guard considering how I was being treated. And then the art show comes around, and she barely talked to me so I left, came back at the end of the day to get my stuff and leave. And she sold a bunch of little drawings to her regulars, and my paintings are big and go for like $600 so obviously they weren't going to sell in a pub. And she rubbed it in my face and bragged about it, then said "sorry you didn't sell anything" in this fake tone. I was doing this show for her, not for me. Felt like saying that but I didn't.

 

I don't know what to do.. I thought about confronting her.. but honestly I feel like I don't even want to because I feel pushed around like my time isn't valuable, like our friendship doesn't matter to her. Do you think our friendship is just over? I feel like I have no friends.. just acquaintances. Also she's been kinda mean to me, like once she called me an airhead before this riddle game, but I legit have a problem with zoning out. I focused so hard and proved her wrong. Stuff like that, like trying to make me feel less.. when she knows I was madly depressed.

[SpottiOtti]

From everything you described above, I don't see what point there is in trying to stay friends with this person. Especially if you suffer from depression, you don't need someone around who will make you question your self-worth.

[ParisPaulette]

Yes, she does sound jealous of you and as such as become a bit of a frenemy, pretending friendship while sort of searching for ways to cut you down and make you feel bad as a way to build herself up. This happens sometimes and sometimes people just drift apart as life changes for them. This sounds like may be a combination of both. It's time to let this friendship do what it's already doing, fading away. I would be polite and briefly friendly if you bump into her in person, but that's all. Focus on other friendships and don't do anything with or for her in any sort of joint effort. You could confront her, but I'm not sure it would do any good. She's already told you she's jealous of you and now the claws are coming out whenever they can, because she's still jealous of you. And that, at the end of the day, is her problem and not yours.

 

I think you should keep doing what you've already been doing, make no effort to do anything with her, distance yourself more and just focus on making friends elsewhere. If you run into her in public a brief friendly hello and then excusing yourself before any conversation happens is the way to handle it. She can't get digs in at you if you're just too busy and always walking away from her. And if she makes any further snarky remarks that you can't avoid, just shake your head, smile and tell her, "Oh there you go again, some things never change do they?" And then laugh and move away as if you could care less and she's an errant child. It'll shut her down when she realizes she now looks like a B and you aren't getting upset and defensive.

 

And I hope you're getting your depression handled although if you have toxic people like her all around you that could be a possible source or at the very least it's not helping you. It's time to move on and find better friends who are happy for you and with you.