gf thinks she's not good at anything

[surething]

I've been with this girl for about 2 months now, and recently we've gotten into more sexual stuff during making out. I know this sounds kinda full of myself, but she keeps saying how i'm really good at stuff, etc... Even though we haven't gone really far.

 

Anyway, the other night she felt bad bc we were making out, and we were kinda focusing on her alot. So she took the next step and started giving me a handjob. All throughout it she said she was discouraged, and that she "sucks at everything." She even stopped and cried on me. I don't know why she is like this. For some reason she thinks she isn't doing anything for me, and that i'm not enjoying it. I do enjoy it! It was our first time doing that and we had just started, so it wasn't perfect or anything, but i still liked it. I was loving what she was doing. I even told her during it. She told me i'm "just being nice" like i'm lying. I was close to cumming when we were interrupted by the phone and had to leave.

 

I am not really vocal or responsive during sex, and i have told her this and she knows. So i don't think thats why she's discouraged. She said "different guys like different things." I really was enjoying it and i even helped her out a bit and told her what i would like. She's still really sad about the whole thing. Yesterday she said she's too affraid to even try doing anything now. She doesn't believe me at all that i enjoy what she does.

 

She has done things with other guys so its not her first time. Thats what i don't get. The only thing i can come up with is that she thinks i'm really good, and she wants to do the same for me.

 

I don't know what to say to her! I don't have a problem with anything but she doesn't believe me, and she thinks she's horrible at everything. I don't want her to feel this way at all. What do you guys think is wrong? What should i do? Thanks alot.

[FiShHeAd]

hey was she bullied at school? i say this because i was and that sounds very simillar to me when i started having sex with my bf?

[moe42]

well hmmm i guess you could focus on like moaning when she does it next time so that she is reassured that she is doing well also tell her after that it was great i dunno what else to say i kinda had the same problem but i was nervus and it was my first time doing anything with anyone and so yea good luck

[Emotional]

Just try to make her feel comfortable...

Shes probley not as experienced as you think she is.

 

Good luck babe

[titan]

dude just relax and enjoy, i think she is really stoked at having a guy like you and doesn;t want to mess it up, tell her its awesome because she does it and only her.

 

You can't stop thinking about it but don't expect it, she might suggest it then.

 

Hope it helps

 

Out of interest how old are you guys??

[qavei]

She obviously has deeper issues about insecurity than she tells you. It's definitely not because she thinks she's bad at sex... If she wanted to be good at sex, she wouldn't stop and cry during the middle =) Just tell her gently that it isn't attractive of her to be so self-loathing. It's simply honesty. People sugar coat things too much and they don't get what they want out of life. When you're older and more experienced you'll cut right through all the silly stuff and it'll be a LOT easier. But for now just tell her what you want from her, and if you're such a catch, she'll cool out and trust that you're enjoying what's happening.

 

But like I said, the main issue is the fact that she has deeper issues that you don't know about and only she can control those. You can't change her or force her to be happy and confident. It's her choice.

[shygirl23]

Wow. I'm a lot like your girlfriend. Perhaps not quite as sensitive, but I do feel as though I'm not doing a good enough job for my boyfriend. The other posters are right, it stems from other issues and insecurities. Just try to reassure her and make sure that she knows that she is pleasing you. It may be hard to convince her that you're being honest; just remind her that she can trust you. My boyfriend focuses on me all the time and does so much for me that sometimes I don't feel worthy. I feel like I should be repaying him and returning the favors. But then I feel inadequate, like he's too good for me and that I'm going to mess things up in some way. It often goes beyond simply being unskilled at sex and the only thing to do is to reassure.

[surething]

shygirl23, thats like the exact same situation that i'm in! Its nice to know other girls go through the same thing.

 

I have told her i love what she does, and she doesn't believe me. She thinks i'm just being nice. She gets so emotional and upset about it and i don't know why! I don't want her to not enjoy it. And now she's affraid. Its like one of the posters said, i like what she does because its with her. Taking that step actually made me feel a lot closer to her. And I have told her this. Its not like someone can be THAT bad at sex. I told her its pretty hard to not please a guy at all.

 

By the way, she's 18 and i'm 19.

[shygirl23]

Maybe you two need to have a little hear-to-heart sometime. That usually helps me a lot, to be able to sort through everything and really talk things out with my boyfriend.

 

Sometimes we can be pretty cynical and not believe the things that loved ones tell us, though deep down, we know that we do wholeheartedly trust them. I'm not sure how to explain this exactly, but maybe you could try to remind her that you completely trust her and that she trusts you as well. Hopefully, she will realize that she does know, deep down, that you are being sincere.

 

Something else that might help... I know that you said earlier that you aren't very vocal when she's pleasuring you and that you have even explained that to her (which I think was actually pretty considerate of you). I wouldn't recommend faking to boost her confidence, but you might try being more vocal. Since you aren't naturally the vocal type, then that might a little weird for you. If you don't want to do that then you might try saying "oh, yeah" or "mmmmmmm..." or something similar when she does something that you really like. Maybe try to find small ways like that to let her know that you really do like what she's doing.