Loving Myself Again, is it possible?

[ubasti]

I was madly in love with a man who basically left me and a few months later married another woman. It's been a year since his marriage, and I'm still extremely depressed. How do I heal? How do I love myself? How do I regain the courage to seek love ever again?

[sky09]

A common thread here seems to be you have to get yourself interested in new things, regain your connection with old friends, do something fun, stay busy, etc. Basically, open yourself up for opportunities to come your way.

I am going thru something similar right now. Nothing on the horizon yet, but I'll keep pushing. No other choice, unfortunately.

 

how long have you been together, btw?

[TaraFlower20]

Many people think it is just as simple as doing this, this and this. When you are that blue, that down you need more than just yourself. Sometimes counseling and medication can be a BIG help. Excercising and spending time with friends & family are also great. Do not isolate yourself and if you really want to help yourself - make an effort. Do what you need to do to love yourself again. Including counseling & meds. many people are so against them but ya know what, sometimes when you just can't see no light- you can't always do it on your own. You need family/friends and you need professional help. Just like people with diabetes need sugar pills or insulin. Depression/Anxiety is real and I urge you to talk to a professional at the least.

[ubasti]

Really? counseling and meds? Because being heart broken is a disease like diabetes right? That's the most insensitive advice I've ever heard. Why does our culture today think that dealing with normal human emotions such as sadness is something that calls for harsh psychoactive medication? Why are normal human emotions treated like a disease? That's EXTREME.

[ubasti]

Stuffing my mouth full of medication won't teach me one thing about gaining self-confidence, which is the advice I asked for. Wanting tips on getting through sad emotions and self-love does not put me in the category of "diseased". I can't believe that you would say something like that to someone....

[mhowe]

Being depressed for more than a year is not healthy nor productive.

 

Medication and therapy can relieve depression, which is indeed a form of mental illness. Your brain chemistry has been altered and in order to restore it to its healthy state, sometimes a short bout of medication, under a DOCTOR (see the medical part) supervision, you will begin to feel better....and in feeling better be able to move on.

[ubasti]

Again, I didnt ask to be diagnosed by non-proffessionals as "mentally ill". i asked for tips on gaining self-confidence. perhaps you guys are a little too dependent on pills to solve your problems....no thank you

[mhowe]

Since I would guess you haven't been sitting on your hands for more than a year, it would appear all of your "efforts" to gain self confidence have been in vain.

 

There is no shame in depression. Millions suffer from it.

 

If you don't want to avail yourself of the option, have you tried meditation, yoga, or any other type of calming techniques. Because you seem very angry and defensive.

 

Self confidence, by it's very nature, is derived from one's sense of self. And if you are angry, depressed and defensive, you are not going to attract someone who wants to date you.

[No1]

U. Just asking. What have you done to help yourself move on? Have you been proactive or have you been doing laps in your pity pool? Just thinking that time will heal all wounds is not exactly true. Proper frame of mind with time can help heal. Example, if you broke your arm and you didnt put a cast on it do you think your arm will heal properly all on its own? No, you have to get a cast and do what the doc says.

Your heart is broken and since you cant do casts for hearts, then you have to do what is right for you to heal. So thats why I ask, what have you done to to help yourself?

Now as I see it your confidence is still in the toilet and you have given yourself the weight of guilt for some reason. You either have not forgiven yourself or your X. Or it would be something as simple as that you are in competition with this girl that this guy married. Maybe you are comparing yourself to her and think that since she got your X, you dont deserve to be in love.. or something close to that. You have a confidence problem when you really shouldnt. Your X didnt pick her over you because she was a better woman. He married her because he thought she was a better match for him. You have to find the guy who matches you.

Have you done anything to make yourself happy?

[ubasti]

Thank you No1. You're absolutely right. I've just been swimming laps around the pity pool and I have taken on guilt for some reason. I guess it's ok that he was not the one for me. I'm being too hard on myself. Besides, I'm free.

 

I think I'm going to start focusing on things that make ME happy. Not the things that made me happy with him. Thanks for the different perspective, it does a world of good

[No1]

There you go! Now thats how you should be thinking. Now go out there and make yourself happy and youll see that life will handle the rest.