One Month Down .. how much longer will it last

[MsQueenB82]

I met my boyfriend online on 2/1. We started texting a little bit and by the time my birthday came around (2/18), we had texted everyday and for my birthday, he called me. He was relocated about 8 hours from where I live but about an hour plane ride away. After that phone call, we texted everyday and made plans for him to come out in April, which he did. I decided to fly out to him in May because we had decided that we wanted to be together. Everything was going great for being in a long distance relationship. We texted all the time, had our phone calls and even regular skype dates until we saw each other again. We had decided we wouldn't go more than 3 weeks without seeing each other. He had met my parents because I was going to be having surgery and he wanted to be there. In the beginning of July, he bought his plane ticket to come out at the end of the month see me and I bought my ticket for the end of August to fly back to where he is. He always would tell me how much he missed and how he couldn't wait for the day that we wouldn't be apart because of distance. He had told me that he'd move back here so he could be closer to his family again and that I could be with my family since I was going to be an Aunt for the first time. He would always talk about us getting married and I believed him because of how I felt.

 

His schedule changed at work and he was really excited about it. Instead of working Swing, he was moved to Days and he would tell me that he would have more time to talk to me because of this change. I felt super secure in my relationship. I had this great guy I could be my goofy self with and I was happy. One day, I could feel a change. He was cold towards me but I attributed it to the change in his schedule. He sent me a cold text saying that he wasn't ready to move back and wasn't sure if he ever would be and if I would be willing to move. By this time, we had been talking since February but only been a committed couple since May. I voiced some questions that I had but expressed that wherever he was, was where I wanted to be because my feelings were just that deep. I never got a reply. Almost a week went by and I hadn't heard anything. I tried reaching out to him but got nothing. The night before he was supposed to fly out, I texted him if he wanted me to pick him up from the airport and got a "Not coming" reply. I was instantly hurt. What happened? Why wasn't he talking to me? Why was he shutting me out? I went into fight or flight mode. I texted him and asked if we could talk about this over the phone, I asked what this meant for us. I expressed how hurt I was cuz he knew what my past was like. He never replied. I never got my calls answered.

 

Two sundays ago, I texted him that I missed him and if neither one of us said it was over, what did that mean for us. He replied hours later, telling me that I ASSUMED it was over and that he couldn't reply to me that day because he was at work. How was I supposed to know when he hadn't talked to me.

 

Tomorrow, Wednesday, is going to be a month this happened and I still hurt. Memories pop into my head, I remember some of the things hes told me and I end up hurt and feeling sad. Sometimes I want to reach out to him but stop myself because I don't want to do that to myself. I'll probably never get closure and just need to continue to move forward.

[No1]

Well, something happened obviously. And since you dont know it makes no sense for you to rack your brain over it. The hard part is that you just dont know anything and he knows all of the answers. Its horrible to go thru this and I wont lie it does consume a lot of energy.

So since you cant control what he does, what he says, what is going on, I would suggest to just step away from the situaton for a few weeks. Dont think about what is going on because you are not going to get the answers as you demand them. You will get your answers eventually but its not going to be today. Do not snoop or look for answers because you might not like what you find or your mind will go to the most negative situation to protect yourself.

He forcefully took time and space. He didnt say it, he didnt ask for it, but thats what his actions said. He wants time and space to give him exactly what he wants. I know its hard to do, but to keep your mind some what at peace its what I think you should do.

I would say for now, its over and dont contact him. If he misses you, dont worry he will contact you. Do not try to guess as to what is going on because its energy that you dont need to spend. Ive had break ups that I just never found out why and some break ups that I got my reason years after a break up. We just have to balance things in our minds that A) it wasnt our fault and B) nothing we could of done or said would of prevented it. C) you did your best and you can hold your head up because you did no wrong. Sometimes things like this happen in life, there is no reason for it. Youll be okay. He has to deal with his problems on his own

[catfeeder]

Well, in your shoes I wouldn't 'guess' it to be over, I'd 'decide' that it's over, because I'd never want to invest my future in someone who would shut me down out of the blue with no warning and no explanation.

 

That would be a dealbreaker for me, no matter what his reason might be.

 

This is the stuff that long distance relationships with strangers can dig up. Someone who does a great job of pasting on the right personality while it suits them, someone who can 'talk' a great game--but when it comes down to a real investment in getting to know one another, that's when you can learn why they're not focused on dating locally. The whole 'fantasy' thing that it's simple to create 'around' a persona is all they're really about.

 

I'd stick to dating locally, no matter how few and far between those dates may be. It's far better to learn who you're dealing with early than to invest your time and heart in the fantasy stuff of dating electronically and creating vacation-bubbles around visits. That's not real life--and it doesn't allow you to learn how well you'd ever pull off living near one another in your real lives.

 

Head high.

[Jewels7]

You were completely right to assume it was over and that sounds like he is being manipulative by saying that (when something bothered me or made me uncomfortable about my ex and I questioned it he would get mad and said I assumed stuff too). You don't want someone who would just drop you without any explanations. It will hurt for a while I won't lie. I'm 3 and a half months out and I still cry, but it is better than what it was a month out like you are. Don't contact him anymore as hard as it will be. If he wants to tell you what happened he needs to come to you.