Why this is happening to me

[elie]

Good Morning Guys,

 

Well some of you have an insight about my situation and my breakup which was 3.5 month ago.

 

Since that day, I initiated NC for me to heal but I was also expecting her to contact me which never happened, I still believe she loved me and I truly admit my mistakes now, but I'm not blaming my self for this breakup as I did my best for her and she know it, simply the problem is all about my Insecurity and her not dealing with our problems.

 

Well the problem now is that some days I feel totally fine and not thinking of her the whole day which made me surprised " Waw all that time passed today without thinking of her" and some days like today when I feel totally sad and heartbroken , ending up looking at her social media and Instagram photos and saying to my self how beautiful she is.

 

I know that I shouldn't be looking at her pictures specially that she's moving on for sure, but I can't help with my curiosity to know what she's up to, specially that I miss her so much.

 

What do you think guys about my situation? Is it normal to think this way and how to stop thinking that I'm not going to meet someone else who has better qualifications.

[3Tears]

The classic roller coaster of emotions, I've been riding it, it sucks I'm 5 months post BU, so don't think you'll be getting off it anytime soon. We will though, I know we will. Just be patient with yourself, DO NOT snoop her social medias, you're stalling your healing process, stop that.

 

I do get the same exact feeling of not finding someone like her or better, its like we amplify the little good things that they have and discard the negative, but I know in time we will open our eyes and truly see who they are.

 

Keep giving yourself more time, stop the snooping and keep working on YOU.

[elie]

3tears, thanks a lot for your reply! Well its driving me crazy and definitely will try my best to stop snooping into her social media! Can You believe, I'm trying to find anything negative in her look just to feel better and to believe that I deserve a better girl! This is so silly.

 

Another thing, although she lives in another country , she's still in contact with my sister and talks to her on weekly basis if not daily, comments on her pictures, inviting her to visit her new house... my sister was really good with her but they talked only few times via sms when we were together, does that seems weird or simply she moved on and doesn't feel trapped if she talked to her as my sister was nice to her and just keeping casual friendship, what do you think about this situation?

[SooSad33]

Hi Elie,

 

Yes, what's going on with you is normal. It can take months.. to fully get over someone. You're grieving a loss.

That all takes time. 3.5 months is still sorta fresh. I suggest, maybe another 3-4 months before you start pulling through and not feeling the anxiety & all those emotions.

 

I know it could be like feeling you've fallen back.. but you haven't fallen far. You'll get your strength back and eventually you'll not even want to see her anymore.....

 

Give it more time. Time is all we have. Keep working on you & healing.

 

One day at a time.

[SooSad33]

3tears, thanks a lot for your reply! Well its driving me crazy and definitely will try my best to stop snooping into her social media! Can You believe, I'm trying to find anything negative in her look just to feel better and to believe that I deserve a better girl! This is so silly.

 

Another thing, although she lives in another country , she's still in contact with my sister and talks to her on weekly basis if not daily, comments on her pictures, inviting her to visit her new house... my sister was really good with her but they talked only few times via sms when we were together, does that seems weird or simply she moved on and doesn't feel trapped if she talked to her as my sister was nice to her and just keeping casual friendship, what do you think about this situation?

 

My first Ex.. his sister and I kept communicating even though I wasn't with him anymore. Until she got too busy with her own life.. then we distanced.

Just keep on with your own thing.. your own life. Pay NO attention to it. (try hard).

 

3Tears- do you not sleep?

[elie]

SooSad33, Thank you for your post!

 

Well I've been trying my best to cope with this loss! if you read my previous post, I did everything I can to be with this women and didn't see the breakup coming, so she was my first love and that's why I'm so hurt.

 

I just want to stop seeing her as the girl I adored, the beautiful girl that I was planning to be with her for my whole life! I'm looking forward to reach that day when I stop thinking of her and start living my life like she never existed.

 

Thank you for your support

[SooSad33]

Yes- I understand, that is painful

But, it does take a little while to be able to fully let go. And be able to move on whole heartedly again.

 

When you feel you are over her and are more emotionally & mentally stable with things, you'll start to become happier with yourself & life again.

 

Loss is very hard to deal with...

 

ENA has been quite helpful.

 

good luck

[3Tears]

3Tears- do you not sleep?

 

 

Hahahaha, I do, I do

[YouCanDeleteThisAccount]

It does take a long time to recover from the loss of someone you truly believed you wanted to be with for the rest of your life. My breakup was 5 months ago and I recently thought I was finally past it, that was until this past week. For some reason anxiety set back in. I think it may have been because I blocked her from facebook the other week, feeling that unfriending her wasn't enough for me. I've been NC since the breakup (with a few LC to ask her to pick up her stuff) and I'm surprised how she can still dominate my thoughts at times. In short, I'm struggling with the realization that I'm not only forgetting about her, but she has completely forgotten her feelings for me. It's hard to believe it, but it's a reality that eventually sets in.

 

However, I will say that as much as the roller coaster ride will frustrate you, it's your body working the thoughts of her out of you. One of the emotions I'm starting to get in touch with is my true frustratin for the way she treated me, my kids, and the definition of the hurt she has put me through. It darkens my image of her and has brought more desire in not knowing anything about her anymore. It will happen to you as well as your continue to struggle while she continues to enjoy life. The key, however, is to stay away from pictures of her because they simply bring back emotions for her. The more you stay away from the reminders, the less the hurt becomes. It's not easy, but you'll soon understand that you really aren't enjoying the memories anymore, the pictures aren't fun to look at anymore, and pain of the breakup is like trying to understand why a bully pushes you around. You currently don't love yourself because of your loss, and that is what is holding you back.

 

Find random things that make you happy. Work towards changing the patterns of your life so you are also experiencing new things. Drive home on different roads so you are more focused in the moment and less capable of robotically zoning into past thoughts. Volunteer for something that you are somewhat interested in so your mind has to learn to be around people you wouldn't normally gather with. Start a new project at work that you haven't been asked to do so you add value to your employer and your career. In short, find ways to break the nerual pathways you are familiar with so you create new ones that offer you the new experiences you need.

 

Good luck. You have a lot of company here feeling the same way. However, also remember this site reminds you of her, so take a break from here as well and go find something else on the internet to learn about.

[No1]

I think that there is still a denial that it is over. Look, you worked so hard in this relationship and as I read your posts, I was thinking that this relationship was a one way street. You did everything for her and she really didn't to much for you. Yes you had your insecurities but that is because you built up a wall to prevent from getting hurt.

She is not your match my friend, its plain and simple, she is no longer into you as you are into her. I know it hurts because you moved and you did so much and you don't want it to go to waste, but it didn't. You had wonderful times with her and great memories it just didn't work out. Not all relationships are meant to be no matter how hard you work on them.

So I think there is a hint of denial that its over and a lot of confusion. How could this be over when I tried to hard and did so much?

Im here to tell you that it is over my friend. She has emotionally checked out of the relationship and she now has to see a life without you in it. Please stop following her. I know you want to, but you are also torturing yourself because you are wondering if she is seeing someone or if she went back to her older X. This way it hurts you but also justifies your pain. You don't need justification.

Cry if you have to and its okay if you do. Just know that this relationship is done.

[elie]

Guys! this is what I call a tremendous support Thanks a lot for your advises.

 

Well let me brief the situation once for all as a reply on NO1 post, I'm not denying the breakup however I accepted the breakup since day 1 and didn't initiate contact with her at all, I'm trying my best to forget her but whenever I check her pictures on Instagram I miss her more, I can't stop my self from doing this while I know that I shouldn't be looking for any of these social medias, Thus on many levels this relationship was 2 way till we started to have problems that she didn't communicate with me till we reach a dead end, exactly this is what I was always saying to my self, I was doing the undoable for her like leaving my country, my lovely family, leaving everything behind for her, forgetting about my financial and work future just to be in another country with her.. so I lost my self in the relationship just to be with her which created some sort of insecurity in me.

 

Conclusion, Long distance relationship sucks! at the end, one person should sacrifice his life for the other partner, in my case I did that and all I got was : Soap, water and gallop

 

All I'm thinking of is if she will initiate contact one day, its been 3 month without hearing anything from her which made me think like how she can do that to me while I was her support the whole relationship! how she can forget about me that simple. its not easy and its like an ego hit, while at the same time I always thought about texting her but never did.

 

Another thing, Why you can love your ex more after the breakup, instead of hating them for what they did to you! that's really hurt too! this is what I feel at the moment, I feel like i love her more than I used to and I see her even way way beautiful, how that's possible.

 

Promise, I will not look into her instagram pictures anymore! I will do my best to stay away from anything that reminds me with her, hopefully I will be better soon.

 

I forgive her, I wish her all the best and despite all the pain she caused me she will always be a wonderful, smart and intelligent women ! lets hope she will always remember me as a good guy she dated once.

[elie]

Lets hear what you guys think

[No1]

There is a difference between denying a break up and denial over a break up. Now you cant deny that the relationship is over, however you still ask questions as to how she could of done this when you have done so much and letting go can mean letting go of everything you did for her. Like it was worthless. So you hold on.

We all go thru pain during a break up. Its going to happen. The trick is to minimize the amount of time we hurt. Looking at pictures is not going to help you heal as you already know. You have all the answers you need you just have to do it.