am i asking for too much?

[missgal]

Okay guys I need advice ,

 

My boyfriend and I have been dating for six years and are in our early/almost mid twenties. this year I feel like he stopped trying to romance me or show that he appreciates me. I told him how I felt hoping that he would do something to change that. He said he would show me a good time over the weekend (besides going straight to his house) which we do 2-3 out of 4 times we hang out. He lives with his parents . So the weekend came and we went to his house then the movies (our usual thing) which I still enjoy and I payed for. I don't mind paying at times because he is a photographer for a start up company so money is tight. The next day he had a photo shoot and told me that he'd pick me up as soon as they finished up. I got ready and it eventually got late, I received a text saying that he took the models out to eat (with his crew that I know) because it was the right thing to do (they modeled for free) and he PAYED for them. I was upset that he chose to eat with them instead of being with me at that late time especially when he told me he would work on things.I confronted him and he said that he had paid for the models food with company money and I kind of understood that. He got upset saying that I'm looking for a fairytale and perfect guy, and maybe I should find someone who would treat me better. I feel like he didn't attempt to show me a good time and like any day of the week went out with his buds (business partners) to eat. he wanted to pick me up after, but I was upset and tired of his actions so I stayed home. He was probably on his way to just take me home with him what we usually do on his time. During the week he is going out with friends and eating at restaurants but when it comes to me he doesn't think of taking me out. I have asked him before and he said a bar isn't his thing and wants to invite friends instead of eating or enjoying a drink alone. He thinks it's better with more people. His excuse is not knowing of any places to take me and wants me to tell him. His family even tells him to go out more..I just feel unappreciated and fed up. I am not asking for much am I? I know the way he shows his love cant change in a few days, but all I wanted was some appreciation and he chooses to argue back his right of doing nothing wrong.

[JGintheOC]

This is the one thing I hate about relationships sometimes is where one of the people in the couple always expects their significant other to "understand" their situation but doesn't expect their friends or any acquaintainces to understand.

 

I hate that. If anything one should treat their significant other the BEST.

 

But he's right in some ways. You deserve better and if its not with him, then you are better off.

 

He isn't appreciating you.

[lostparty]

I'm curious, you said he started doing that this year? Was he taking you out for dinner and making you feel appreciated in previous years?

[missgal]

in the previous years we used to go out with friends or just out more. he has never really been the type of guy to plan a dinner or something special for the both of us so it could be that its getting old.

[JGintheOC]

in the previous years we used to go out with friends or just out more. he has never really been the type of guy to plan a dinner or something special for the both of us so it could be that its getting old.

 

 

Some men don't know how to romance a woman. They really don't and for those same men, they really have no clue when it comes to the fact that when your in a relationship you have to actually meet the needs of the OTHER person and shoudln't always expect them to understand. Also at the same time, YOU need to also meet his needs and shouldn't always expect HIM to understand.

 

Here's where you need to make decisions. If you have made it clear to him that you would like to do stuff besides go to his parents house all the time and he doesn't have the time, willingness or money to do so. Then you either need to find better or accept that he can't/won't.

[missgal]

you are right. it could be because I am his first girlfriend. My thinking goes to maybe he doesn't adore me enough to make these plans. I feel like I put more effort into wanting to make plans, and I see close friends of ours go out and plan dates with their girlfriends. it could be like you said he just isn't capable of making decisions and plans on his own, he really treats me good and respectfully I just need to figure out if I could live life with a possible life partner with his thought process. thank you

[JGintheOC]

you are right. it could be because I am his first girlfriend. My thinking goes to maybe he doesn't adore me enough to make these plans. I feel like I put more effort into wanting to make plans, and I see close friends of ours go out and plan dates with their girlfriends. it could be like you said he just isn't capable of making decisions and plans on his own, he really treats me good and respectfully I just need to figure out if I could live life with a possible life partner with his thought process. thank you

 

I know men who have had maybe 2 long term girlfriends and are my age and they are just some of the stupidest men ever. No offense to them or anyone. They are just so inexperienced and based their entire "relationship" skills on what those two women wanted...so they naturally assumed that's what all women want.

 

Him never having a relationship before means that he's always looked out for #1 (Himself). So the blame is part inexperience, which forces you to be a little more understanding BUT that doesn't mean that he gets excused from learning how to be in a relationship.

 

I suggest you let have a calm talk one more time about how a relationship technically is supposed to go (thinking baout the other person's needs, etc.) if he's unwilling or doesn't seem to be super motivated to "learn" how to be better, then you're better off.

 

Sometimes men only learn by experience and it'll take a real dominating woman to get him to realize he's gotta pull up his big boy boxers.

[christwowheels]

This is similar to another thread I saw earlier today...basically you have relationship needs that aren't being met and you need to have a heart-to-heart about it. You can call it an ultimatum if you want, whatever, but just tell him that you're a classy woman and if he wants you to come home and make love with him, he's going to need to show his love by doing romantic things for you, from love notes to dinners out. While it is certainly appropriate for him to spend an evening or two a week with his buddies, he should also find time to take you out at least once a week. If he hasn't learned that women want to be romanced for their entire life, there is no time like the present to learn that lesson.

[Ms Darcy]

Agree with Chris ... Have a heart to heart and make your needs very clear. And make it clear what specific things you would request.

 

Then back off. You need to stop hanging out with him as much and focus on your own life. And definitely stop paying for both of you when you go out. Seriously.