muffe Posted January 1, 2005 Share Posted January 1, 2005 Allright! I never thouht I'd be asking strangers for advice, but my best friend have her one problems these days and I really need advice!!! Yesterday I was at a newyearseveparty with my friend! Alot of people was there among them a guy I kinda had a crush on 2 years ago - in highschool! Found out that he had had a crush on me too! anyway I got really really drunk (no excuse - I know) and we kissed! Now the problem is that I already have a boyfriend whom I really love! We've been together for 4 months now and we've had our problems and fights! But we had just worked it out and everything was good last time we were together!Now we havent seen eachother for 2 weeks because we've both been home for Christmas! But in 3 days i'm going back to school we both go to - and live at! And then I have to face him! Nothing more happened! He wanted to have sex, but I told him that I couldn't because I actually had a boyfriend! But it still feels so wrong......... I feel so guilty! Ive been crying ever since I got home last night! Now I don't know if I should tell him or not! I don't want to loose him! And especially not over a kiss that didn't mean anything! Because I'm not in love with the other guy - he was just there! My friend said that what my boyfriend doesn't know wont hurt him! I don't want to hurt him, but the damage is allready done! I don't want to lie to him either, because that's not really a good thing in a realationship! But if I tell him the truth there might not be one anymore! eventhough he flirts alot he allways promised never to cheat on me! And now look what I did..... Please help!!!! Link to comment
Sim3a Posted January 1, 2005 Share Posted January 1, 2005 i would totally tell him i mean a kiss isent anything big and im sure eventho he will be hurt and mad i think he will understand and apreciate the honest truth. tell him exactly what u wrote on ur post and im pretty sure he will forgive u if yall truly do wanna be with each other Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 1, 2005 Share Posted January 1, 2005 Hi - Don't worry about it. You said it yourself, it was New Year's, you had a few too many drinks, old high school crush, it was just a kiss, but you stopped things before they went further. It sounds like you are full of remorse, and you really regret it, and won't do it again. Don't tell your boyfriend, it will just hurt him, and hurt you too. These things happen, forgive yourself, and move on. Best Wishes! -Annie Link to comment
DragonGirl724 Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 i agree w/ annie. it sucks though, just learn from it. we all screw up sometimes. sorry your new yr is starting off on the wrong foot, but you know you made a mistake, youre sorry for it its clear. id try to just let it slide. was this before midnight? -DG724 Link to comment
dona Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Don't tell him. There's nothing to tell him, is there? Hers' what I heard from an old woman - a woman should let a man know her from the waist down, a never from the waist up - what's in your heart and your mind should be all yours. Maybe a bit exaggerated, but there's a lot of truth inthis. Cheer up and happy new year. Link to comment
DragonGirl724 Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Don't tell him. There's nothing to tell him, is there? Hers' what I heard from an old woman - a woman should let a man know her from the waist down, a never from the waist up - what's in your heart and your mind should be all yours. Maybe a bit exaggerated, but there's a lot of truth inthis. Cheer up and happy new year. ehh i dont agree w/ that. but this one incident i do think you should just let it slide & not say anything, just let it go. yea u mighta screwed up but whatever, its alright. we all know as do you that you will never do that again. -DG724 Link to comment
ReadyorNot Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Dont tell him...... .and learn from your mistakes Link to comment
cleverme123 Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 You will eat yourself alive trying to hide it and your boyfriend will know something is wrong, you mise well come out with it and take the consequences. People don't stay mad forever if they truly love you, but honesty is the best policy! Link to comment
muffe Posted January 3, 2005 Author Share Posted January 3, 2005 Thanks for your advices everybody! Still haven't decided! I think the "easy" way out is not to tell him, but then it might, as cleverme said, eat me up! And I'll be lying to him! On the other hand if I do tell him he is gonna get really hurt and I don't now when he's going to trust me again! And I'm just wondering ifanyone really apriciate honesty or if it would just be to get rid of the guilt! If I do tell him how am I suppose to regain his trust? just time or what? I know to some this is just a kiss, but I'm not sure how he's going to react! A thing I didn't tell last time is that him and his ex were together 4 months (just like us) and then she slept with his friend! I know it doesn't compare to a kiss, but it might make him feel even worse! Link to comment
Cecelius Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 You need to tell him. There's scant trust in the world as it is, why add to it? Frankly, it's not that big a deal. You're 19 and you've been dating the guy for 4 months? Clearly you two are not as "in love" as you might think, and why should you be? Again, you're in college, you're young. Why have serious relationships you're not ready for? But he does have the right to know what the bargain is. If you two are free to hook up with other people, date around, etc., he has that right to know what his situation is. Link to comment
ReadyorNot Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 People don't stay mad forever if they truly love you, but honesty is the best policy! My bf and I are truly in love.. we have been together for over 4.5 years and he would not stay with me if I kissed someone else... Cheating is Cheating and he says despite how much he loves me if I was to cheat on him he wouldnt stick around because if I really loved him I wouldnt have done it in the first place... I have NOT cheated on him, he was just saying this because a friend of ours cheated on her bf so we got talking about it Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 I still think that although cheating is bad, and in general, honesty is the best policy, you shouldn't tell him in this case. It was a one time thing, an accident, and it's going to hurt him if you tell him. I don't think that honesty is the best policy when there's not a need to tell, and it's going to hurt him, and then he's going to have a very hard time trusting you again. From the tone of your post, I don't think you'll ever do it again. In this situation, I don't think that not telling is the "easy" way to go, I just think it's the right way to spare someone's feelings. Link to comment
cleverme123 Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 Okay, so are we thinking it's better to hide something that you did, to spare someone's feelings? A relationship is built on trust, if you start with covering up stuff, then at some point when you realize you got away with it, it could happen again. Yes you are right he will be hurt by the truth; HOWEVER; do you think not knowing the truth and him possibly finding out from someone else that may have saw it would make him hurt any less? Stick with honesty, you will have consequences to deal with either way. Either guilt, or anger from him. Link to comment
Lonelyinasmalltown Posted January 4, 2005 Share Posted January 4, 2005 Hi, I can't help but notice here that most of the women are telling you to not tell him and the only guy (that shows their sex in their profile anyway) has told you to tell him. I have to agree with that guy. If my current girlfriend did something like this to me, I would want to know about it. Yes, he will probably be hurt and/or mad, but the fact that you didn't go farther, even though you had the chance, would also prove that you're trustworthy. Hiding things this early in your relationship is not a good idea. It might start to become a habit as it did with my last girlfriend. I was truly shocked when she broke up with me and told me everything she was keeping from me. She told me the reason she left was because she couldn't stand the stress of hiding things from me anymore. It all comes down to this though, if the situation were reversed and your boyfriend kissed a girl and didn't have sex with her although he had a chance, would you want to know about it or would you want him to hide it from you forever? Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 4, 2005 Share Posted January 4, 2005 I would have to say that if I had a boyfriend that got drunk, kissed a girl on New Year's, and felt totally bad about it afterwards, and decided he'd never do it again, then I really wouldn't want him to tell me about it. It would just hurt me, and then I'd feel suspicious of him and I don't think our relationship would last very long that way. Especially if we've had some issues in the past, I might consider this the final straw. But, that's just my opinion. Link to comment
Lonelyinasmalltown Posted January 5, 2005 Share Posted January 5, 2005 I'll give you that. I would probably have to think long and hard about my girlfriend and decide if she was worth trusting again. If it was the first time, then yes, I could learn to trust her again, but if it happened a few times.... no way. Still, I'd rather go on with a relationship knowing everything I need to know than to go into it blindly not knowing what really went on, even if it was totally forgivable as in this case, I think it is. Link to comment
muffe Posted January 7, 2005 Author Share Posted January 7, 2005 Hey everybody! Thank you for all your great answers!!! I had decided to tell him, butthen I saw him and he was just so wonderful and sweet and I didn't wanna hurt him!!! But I did tell him! And suprisingly he smiled at me (while I was almost in tears) And said: youre so sweet! It was newyears, its alright! just for the record I didn't, but its allright! And he kissed me! And I still don't quite get it, but I'm unbelievable happy!!! That night we stayed up all night and just talked (something we rarely do,I'm afraid) about all kinds of stuff! How we were as kids, what we use to love doing, our first chrush (when we were 7 and 8 ), losing people close to us! We talked until the next morning (when I had to get up and go to school - he had the day of) and it was just so great!!!! In some strange way we suddenly got alot closer than we were before! And one thing I learned from all of this is not to be so jealous! I used to be quite jealous, but I actually believe him and now I'm gonna kick my self every time the thought comes to me! So that's a good thing! So everything is really good! And I'm very inlove with my wonderful guy! Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 8, 2005 Share Posted January 8, 2005 Awww! That's terrific news! I was wondering if you were going to tell him or not. I think that's great that everything went well! Link to comment
Mike_Wazowski Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 You are a nice girl......good with morals...I wish every girl was like you! I wish you happiness! Link to comment
Lonelyinasmalltown Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 I'm glad to hear everything turned out alright. As hard as it sometimes is, it's better to be truthful than to live a lie. Honestly, I was worried since you felt so bad about what you did that if you kept it in, it would eventually destroy your relationship (ie. too much stress from hiding the truth). At least now, whatever happens, you can be sure of the fact that it will be happening honestly. Best wishes to you! Link to comment
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