What the hell is wrong with him?

[JGintheOC]

To put it clearly, known him at work for a bit. We've always had this way of just being around each other and we used to talk all the time but then he just stopped acknowledging me.

 

It learned to many convos or arguments with each other over stupid things.

 

Mostly because I didn't understand why he'd all of a sudden stop acknowledging me. In fact he's nice and great with everyone but me.

 

He will talk to me like once a day if he has a lead in subject but most days he talks to everyone else so much I feel like a third wheel. He hasn't wanted or asked to join him for lunch in eons.

 

Why is he relative normal alone if we do talk but if ppl are around he acts like I'm not there.

 

It saddens me.

[El0t]

There's no way of specifically pinpointing it. One solution could be that he's over thinking your interaction with him and doesn't want whatever he's perceiving to become public. Honestly though, him ignoring you is childish and you shouldn't waste even a second of your time stressing over that. If there's anything you should be sad about, it's the fact that he's so immature-- not that you're missing out on interaction. Just be pleasant and don't let it get to you. Best of luck!

[JGintheOC]

I've known him a long time and we were close for years then all of a sudden when I got asked to work in the same department as him he then started spending more time in other departments. At first I figured now that I work there (I'm very experienced and hard worker) he can concentrate in other projects and has time to relax because that department was always struggling because they were understaffed. He seemed ecstatic now that I was there and he even asked me if I was happy there. I even asked him the same thing and we both said yes.

 

But then I realized it wasn't just cause they weren't short handed. It was because of me because he when he wasn't goofing off in other departments and was back in his office he was talking to people in our department way more than me. He would ask them about personal stuff but didn't ask me.

 

Which is why we argued a lot. I confronted him several times over the course of a year and everytime he clammed up.

 

So I gave up focused on other ppl and work and he got all weird. When I was training this new male he'd alway interrupt and jokingly say hey hey hey don't bug her. At happy hour after work he'd talk to everyone at some point but then he'd finally approach when I was going home or he'd ways be near me.

 

My work friend in another dept said he freaked out when I was MIA one day and kept asking her and another colleague in another department if they heard from me. He suggested they call me. He even called me twice and emailed OncE. When I finally arrived he had this high pitch cutesy voice and was like whererrrrrrre were you and I told him I had car break issues and he said why didn't you call me I could have picked you up and helped you. When I said I called a tow truck because it was more important he got upset lol

 

For most recent christmas he gave me this mini christmas tree with lotto and gift card ornaments must have been $100 he gave everyone else simple boxes of chocolate. He didn't even give it to me directly like with others he waited until I stepped out and note said thank you for putting up with me. There's so many weird things he's done to show I matter I just don't get why he has a tendency to not acknedge me when group is around. He will even talk to ppl I'm talking to and join my convo but not even look or speak to me.

 

So he seems to care but because of all those times he just blocks me out I find it hard to believe especially when others tell me things like oh he mentions you a lot or complements you a lot etc.

 

Idk why he's being so ty to me.

[SooSad33]

Sounds like he's mis-leading. He's wanting to get some attention, everywhere.

But nothing specific.

Yeah, it does sound like he's avoiding you a bit.. But- I would just ignore him, take no offence and be there.. to work.

 

Don't worry about or bother with him. It's best NOT to get involved with anyone anyways, in a workplace, if that's your idea.

[NIN2000]

His Jekyll and Hyde personality is a clear sign of immaturity.

 

Also his constant compliments about you to others yet never mentions them to you is odd. From the detail's of your story it sound's like this guy can be a psycho (freaking out when you are not around).

 

I find it hard to come to a conclusion on his actions because he sounds very immature and a total waste of your time. In addition, keep in my mind that you are in a work environment. No matter what, always keep it professional and never mix work with pleasure.

 

Good luck.

[JGintheOC]

I meant freaking out in terms of being worried about me. He thought I probably was lying in a ditch somewhere lol

[JGintheOC]

Hey why did you say he was avoiding me. It's not that kind of behavior.

 

Its like how on 4th of July he invited me and his two buddies from work (I don't think he has a social life) to his family's BBQ. I met ppl like his brother, his brothers two gym friends, his parents etc. It was awkward cause his family knew his two buddies from work but they didn't know of me I don't think. But they were nice ppl.

 

I showed up decked out and when he saw me he did a double take. Again he was aware I was there and was playing host and was nearby a lot but again didn't say anything to me. Even when he joined my conversations he says nothing to me it always seems like if it's of a group social nature I'm not there but if he says something to me of a work nature he's all confident and talkative. But social claims up avoids eye contact.

 

It's frustrating because as shy and quiet as I am when I summon the guts to talk to him during social occasions it's like he didn't hear me

[sonicfan287]

This is going to sound really weird but I actually have a female friend at work who's doing similar things to me. She's said during work that I'm one of her favorites to work with and will occasionally invite me out but then other times, ignores my invites to hang out unless it's with other friends of ours. It's really hard to figure out people sometimes... I don't think it's anything you're doing and could be something to do with his mood on certain days compared to others.

 

This may be hard to believe but he could be shy too, at least around certain people and you may be one of those people? I don't mean to speak for him because I don't know him, but another way to see it is those days where he doesn't talk to you or you perceive him as ignoring you, maybe he just doesn't know what to say? I know I've felt that way around certain people before and I know it isn't right to leave them hanging or not talk much to them when i'm talking to other people, but I just can't help it because of how nervous I get sometimes. I don't know if that is what's happening here though

[JGintheOC]

Your probably right. I shouldn't think the worst.

 

Once I was talking to a guy he strongly disliked and he came up to us and started socializing with the guy but wouldn't talk or look at me.

 

I'll take it with a grain if salt as hard as it is and just be more proactive and less quiet.

[mhowe]

He sounds shy, immature and lacking in social skills.

 

Agree with others --- best to keep work for work and not a dating pool.

[JGintheOC]

He sounds shy, immature and lacking in social skills.

 

Agree with others --- best to keep work for work and not a dating pool.

 

Yeah but even on a professional scale how can I work with someone who barely talks to me and doesn't even look me in the eye. He won't even look in my direction. I'm tired of being shut out and feeling alone while he's goofing off talking with everyone else. It actually makes me look anti social when he's the one sabatoging my conversations.

[mhowe]

That isn't "working with him". That is goofing off at work with him.

 

You are upset because he has "shut you out". It has nothing to do with work. It has to do with socializing.

 

It doesn't make you look anti social.

[JGintheOC]

It does make me look antisocial. People have said something. They always ask me why I'm not saying anything...how can I tell them because the "GUY" keeps sabtoging all of my conversations. Which I did once ages ago and they gave me a look like they don't want to get involved sort of thing when I was just answering their question.

 

That's how I look antisocial, they don't want the truth but they wonder why.

[mhowe]

It seems like your workplace spends way to much time socializing and not so much working.

 

Is his behavior affecting your WORK? If so, report him to HR.

 

If not --- then who cares what everyone says about being antisocial. You are there to work.

[JGintheOC]

Yeah its one big soapopera clique. People do socialize more than work in my opinion. No one gets it though even when its pointed out. I love my department because aside from his "contradictory" behavior. We do get alot done. We are the #1 department in the company.

 

But we do it individually and that's not how its supposed to happen. The thing is, I don't mind jsut a professional relationship and I don't mind a outside of work friendship, but he's not picking one:

 

1. If he's busy, and I say something to him work related he'll answer while he's working, maybe might look up. Probably not but if anyone else whether its within our department or another department approaches him he acts like they're his best friend and he'll stop what he's doing and will chit chat with them. It's like but if I did that to him he'd get pissy and say I have an attitude. He does the same damn thing.

 

2. If he wants a friendship or a non work something outside of work which indicates he does since he invited me to his parents BBQ and only invited me and his 2 work buddies then obviously I'm part of his "posse" but if we're at happy hour with a group of people from work...don't shut me out and go talk to everyone else and ignore anything I say to you. It's bull.

 

He's trying to control his behavior when he doesn't need to. He's actually making it go in the opposite way of what he wants and he's sacrificing what he actually wants.

 

Because one day he's going to drive me so crazy I'm going to quit (which I know he doesn't want for non work related reasons) but he's going to act like he doesn't want me to go but he's the one that caused it!

[mhowe]

You are the one who is "causing" this drama, or at least fueling it.

 

He is immature and spends wayyyy to much time being the office chat-about.

 

You, on the other hand, seem to have much more than a "work friend" relationship desire from him. You sound like a scorned lover and this is entirely too

much drama for a work environment.

[JGintheOC]

You are the one who is "causing" this drama, or at least fueling it.

 

He is immature and spends wayyyy to much time being the office chat-about.

 

You, on the other hand, seem to have much more than a "work friend" relationship desire from him. You sound like a scorned lover and this is entirely too

much drama for a work environment.

 

I agree with you completely and I've never denied adoring him and he wants soemthing whether its friends or something more and he's too chicken s h i t to admit it. Either way, he's driving me nuts.

 

There are times where we've gone to happy hour after work with people in our department and one of my male colleagues asked me if I wanted another drink. I said sure adn went with him and I pulled out my wallet to pay for my drink. The "GUY" noticed and bee lined straight for me (After not saying anything to me the entire night) and said "Are you paying for his drink??" and I said "What if I am? But I'm not." and I gave him a "what's wrong with you look" and all he did was say "Ok and walked away.

 

He does stuff like that all the time. It drives me nuts. Either he cares or he doesn't but he needs to stop 3rd wheeling me and then be all protective when I'm around other males.

 

He definitely needs to stop inviting me to his family bbqs and etc.

 

And he needs to stop using his buddy being all sad as an excuse to get me to go to his bbq and little party when his "buddy" didn't even know I was even invited in the first place.

 

Becuase it confuses me!

[mhowe]

You need to stop your passive aggressive behavior and either tell him how you feel about him or stop pretending this is a "relationship" that won't get off the ground.

[JGintheOC]

You need to stop your passive aggressive behavior and either tell him how you feel about him or stop pretending this is a "relationship" that won't get off the ground.

 

I'm not at the stage where I can handle rejection or progress. He definitely doesn't know how to handle it either.

 

For now I just want to be able to work in a healthy environment where I'm able to have some kind of rapport with the people in my department. With him its one of 2 extremes either we get along REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLY great or we are REAAAAAAAAAAAALLLY ignoring each other. Why can't it just be friggin normal.

 

i hve a normal working relationship with everyone else even his work buddy.