Relationship, FWB, Relationship, FWB, Relationship, now what?

[star554]

Sorry for the long post. This is about the last 4.5 years of my life.

 

Relationship # 1 - We were juniors in high school. He was my very first boyfriend and we fell in love really quickly. We broke up after 2 months because my parents made me and I couldn't fight them living under their roof. I could see he was really hurt for the next two years. We still maintained a relationship as friends but he wanted me back and I wanted to go back. This was the last time I felt he had genuine feelings for me. The ultimate blow to this relationship came when he broke it off with me for good because he found another girl.

 

FWB #1 - We first became FWB in freshmen year in college. I still loved him and he knew it. But he had changed - he convinced me that if I did whatever he wanted, there may be a chance of a relationship in the future. When I realized it wasn't going anywhere after a lot of tears, and frustration I decided to move on.

 

Relationship # 2- When he realized I wash breaking away and that might mean turning to other guys, he got me back. I made it very easy for him. I realized afterward, that wasn't really a relationship for him although thats what he told me. I read his Facebook messages (I know, total invasion of privacy) and he told his friend "She THINKS we're in a relationship.""I'm only doing this so she doesn't run to another guy." Also, I found out he was talking to his ex (the girl he left me for). In 3000 messages, he didn't mention me... at all. This ended when I broke it off after he started saying that when he's at school, he may not have time for me, and he doesn't think its such a good idea to be exclusive. It broke my heart.

 

FWB # 2 - I still loved him and I wanted that first relationship back. I gave him whatever he wanted - no responsibility, just the fun. He'd sleep with me, then not contact me for weeks at a time. It became better though - we eventually started dating but not exclusively. This lasted for a while too.

 

Relationship #3 - He got a job really close to me, and for that reason I could see him everyday. Eventually, we started spending every moment together when we weren't at work or school. We got so close and he started referring to me as his girlfriend. Whether he was introducing me to someone or around his friends. We were finally a real couple.

 

I got a job that was kinda far in about 4 months. And I had to move - but I'd still do everything in my power to see him three times a week. This was a temp job - and we only had to make it work like that for a few more months. I guess I also didn't look my best all the time. Whenever I could, I used to fix up my makeup, and do things that he'd like. But it's hard after a full day at work, to always look perfect. Last Monday, he broke it off with me saying that we follow different religions and that we could never end up together so that this relationship is not worth it.

 

That Tuesday, I didn't believe it and I still showed up at his door. I know it was an awful idea, but I let emotions take over. And he didn't let me in. He yelled at me outside his door to "leave". And he shoved me then ran towards the door. I tried to follow him, but fell hard. As I was on the ground, he just looked over me and yelled I leave. It was so humiliating as people passing by pointed and laughed. As the icing on the cake, I had to walk amongst these people towards my busstop. That night he started messaging me about how he missed me in his arms.. I expected an apology but that never came. I guess in his mind, it was okay to yell at me the way he did. I didn't respond for the next two days. But he asked me to please talk to him and I did. It was a terrible idea, because after a day of messages, he was gone again.

 

He drunk texted me Friday night saying he wanted me at his place there and then. Fully aware that this probably won't mean anything I did go over the next day (yesterday). Before I even got to his place, he made a bunch of demands/suggestions. I have to be "fully groomed", smell nice, wear a good amount of makeup. It felt awful but I did everything he asked. We slept together again and I left right after. As we walked out together, he made comment on how it's good I at least "tried" to look pretty and that usually I don't. The funny thing is, he never "tries" either. There have been so many times that he didn't "try" - unshaven for days. Infact, he didn't even shower the day I went over. But I never complain about that kinda thing because personal comments like that could be hurtful; why would I want to hurt someone I care about, right?

 

So I left. And I haven't contacted him and he hasn't contacted me. I feel like a rock though; I feel absolutely nothing. If I'm good enough to sleep with, why am I not good enough to see a future with?

 

I'm heartbroken... now what?

[3Tears]

Stop... just stop being used by this guy, wow, he does not deserve you at all. I will never understand the logic behind dumpers. If I get to the point where I dump someone, it has to be a forever thing, I will vanish from their lives completely, not just do this. This guy has no considerations for your feelings at all, like I said, even if I was the dumper I would never try such things.

 

Can you please stop any contact with this jerk?

[PaintWithLight]

You are a booty call that he orders over like a pizza. As long as you allow this, he will continue to use you. He will never see you as relationship material because you are just a convenient backup girl in his mind.

 

Give up on this fantasy you have of him. He is not a nice girl and has zero feelings for you. End this and look for someone who will treat like a proper girlfriend. You have wasted too much time with this clown.

[star554]

Thanks for the replies And I feel like I know this and often, I'm able to remind myself of this. I don't really want to get back with him, but I find myself seeking his approval. Like when he called me on Friday, my instinct said not to go and that I probably wouldn't. But then, I did everything he asked not to get him back but so that he acknowledges it. No idea what's wrong with me.

 

On top of that, I get these weird panic attacks. For a few minutes when I think about him, it becomes so hard to breathe like I'm trapped in a box.

 

I want to get over him once and for all because at this point even I know it will never work. But I want him to say that it's not my fault. I want him to acknowledge how great I am and mean it.

[sharky988]

Oh sweetie, I don't blame you for getting panic attacks when you think of this guy!!

 

Just reading the title of your thread I could see he was a user and you were selling yourself short and settling for crumbs from someone who doesn't have any feelings for you.

 

He will NEVER acknowledge your greatness because HE DOESN'T THINK YOU'RE GREAT.

 

You need to ask yourself: why are you seeking love and approval from someone who doesn't love or appreciate you?

 

This is a question for you to answer in your own life or in therapy -- but not in your love life. HE will never ever ever give you validation because he thinks you're only good for one thing.

 

And the thing is.... SO WHAT?? Everyone in the world isn't going to love you or appreciate you. You can live without this pig and his opinions.

 

The only way out at this point is to CUT CONTACT. That means getting a new cell number so he can't call and text you for booty calls anymore. That means BLOCKING HIM on Facebook, Instagram and every other site and app you use.

 

You WON'T *get over him* as long as you give him ACCESS to you.

 

Here's a guide that will help you: link removed

 

Set yourself free..... get over this waste of space so you can find your future new way-better boyfriend already!!!

[star554]

sharky, thanks so much! That site is so helpful