Battling my anxiety and depression...

[ManInLove]

I don’t think that this really belongs in my main thread, which is getting too long anyway. And I’m not sure whether I’m actually going to start a journal or this is just a vent post… So here goes. I hope it’s not TL;DR:

 

Last night’s Flyer79’s post about her breakup had really affected me and caused my internal needy and clingy self out to the surface. I almost called my girlfriend, then almost typed a text message about how much I care for her and how much I NEED to see her tonight.

 

I cooled though, and instead of calling her I went to the convenience store, got a smoothie and went to get some stuff done at the office. I actually felt much better after a while. When I got home, I had the bright idea to have a bit of alcohol and watch a movie… I very rarely drink any alcohol… It affected me strongly and likely interacted with my anti-anxiety meds. I got all sad and weepy, but didn’t call or text her.

 

I stayed up watching stupid movies and just when I was about to fall asleep, the alarm company called to say that the power went out at my office… So I worried, but fell asleep… Then early in the morning my business partner called me, in tears. There was still no power and there was some kind of a plumbing issue, our office got flooded… F***!

 

At least I had something to do and get my mind off of relationship stuff. The office had little damage to the furniture, but many of the ceiling tiles were ruined and some expensive equipment got ruined… And there was still no power. We cleaned as well as we could, set the damaged equipment aside.

 

When we were done, I got truly sad and depressed again. When I was married, even though we may not have been getting along too well, I had someone to come home to on a day like today and cuddle and help me calm down. Now all I have at home are the cats; they showed no desire to cuddle or say pleasant things to me…

 

Oh yeah, I twisted my ankle too…

 

I want to call my girlfriend and tell her about my problems, but I don’t want to seem so needy now. I think that I will try to take a nap, then just text her and see how she is doing.

 

Why did I have to fall in love with her? Why couldn’t I have fallen for some government clerk? A saleswoman? A hot dog vendor? Someone who’s always around…

 

Driving back from the office I actually started considering whether I should answer my ex-wife’s requests and possibly give it another go with her… What in the world is wrong with me? The b***h took all my stuff, told me that I’m the worst person ever, and started dating her best friend.

 

I’m going to try and take a nap. Maybe the cats will cuddle…

 

There's still no power at the office.

[ManInLove]

I just got back home from running errands... Still no power at the office. Now the entire street is without traffic lights and the police aren't there to direct traffic...

 

I was driving around and a specific song came up on my playlist. It talks about painting and paint brushes. I got tears in my eyes. What kind of a man gets teary eyed driving around in his car?