Nice Guys

[thunda]

That isn't true in most cases. In fact, I have kknown many a woman that even though they have a great man, it appears as if they are looking for someone BETTER than what they have. Instead of trying to correct things that are messed up and make things right and express what is up, it seems as if the next cool guy (who is usually a creep) is an answer to all the problems. Keep in mind, teenage girls and 20 something girls are well known for this behavior.

 

 

Is glad 20 somethings no longer interest me...lol

[Iceman26]

I hear you on that one Outlaw. Dating in your twenties sucks, thats why I always suggest older women.

[Outlaw2747]

I got ways to go. I am 20....but there are still some good ones left. But they are either taken by rejects or have already turned bad or in the process of. Girls are VERY impressionable and the slightest thing will change even the heaviest mindset.

 

I think the thing that hurts me the most is when I ask why do girls hurt guys, I got the worst response ever..."We do it because you men hurt us first so it is our way at getting back at y'all." How horrible is that? And if that is so, why target the guys that actually TRY to be good? All they are doing is ADDDING to the jerk population which is already teeming with individuals.

[EyeofDTiger75]

I hear you on that one Outlaw. Dating in your twenties sucks, thats why I always suggest older women.

 

This woman is in her mid 30s

[Iceman26]

Well I cant account for all older women, but generally speaking I have found women in their early to mid thirties to be much easier to date.

[Outlaw2747]

Scary. Some of those immature types still exist but at a MUCH lesser degree as time goes by. You just so happened to be with one of those fuzzy type women, the one you can never get a good grip on. Sorry about that Tiger. I'd like to go for an older woman. I do not ask for much, I mean really. Just some attention and affection here and there, someone I can talk to and hang with...is that really so hard to achieve?

[Iceman26]

Its not a lot to ask for, but it is hard to find!

[neva_black_n_white]

thanks for the deffinition there. i deffinitley think my boyfriend fits that bill, he doesnt have any intention on hurting me even though sometimes he tries to keep me that little too safe. i think that some girls (you say it seems to be young teenagers or girls in their 20's) dont neccessarily want to be with a nice guy as you put it because some feel that there are restrcitions, its often girls go in search of a nice guy when they are ready to commit and until then they go for the rough despite how much they may get hurt.

 

have you ever wanted to be someone that you arent? not because your not happy with who you are but because the thought of something else is something tasteful to you. like you think clean cut guys may not have such a wild mind.

well sometimes thats the impression some girls get with nice guys that they are too clean cut and thereforeeee they want that somethign else even though they like what they have.

i guess women can be naive in the sense that some do look strictly for men who are ''bad boy styles'' but we all make mistakes.

 

i think we do have to see though, that women can feel that they are having independance taken away in the sense that some nice guys are too nice, i feel, personally, that im capable of opening a door, so why does a man need to do it for me? yes its polite and kind but im certainly capable, im capable to pay for my half of the bill as well.

 

sometimes having independance plays a part!

kel. x

[69_king]

At what point should you stop opening the door for a girl you are dating?

 

This is the stuff that really puzzles me.

 

Like some girls want to be independent and open the door for themselves and if you keep doing it they don't like it.

 

While other girls would expect you to open every door for them.

 

And then some would expect it in certain situations but then not in others??

 

And they won't tell you and you can't ask.

 

And why the hell would such a small thing be a problem anyway??

 

 

 

Listen, opening doors and paying the bills and all that stuff is just payback for taking care of our children, cooking the meals and giving us sex.

[EyeofDTiger75]

I just don't understand why women can't be honest with us. WHy must they hint around at things. I feel us men are held to a double standard when it comes to relationships. We aren't allowed to play our game, but we are expected to play their games by their rules.

 

Then when a "nice guy" comes around who treats her with respect and does not want to play games they push us away like we are the scum they think all men are.

[Day_Walker]

If you want to think about it logically then the majority of your relationships wont work out for whatever reasons, it doesnt have to be because you are nice. There could be other reasons why your relationships have failed. Why do you need to dwell on if it because you are a nice guy, learn what you can from the previous relationship and apply it to the next. I mean if you wanna sit there and complain then that could consume all of your time, why even bother with it. The relationship didnt work out, it happens better that u found out sooner than later.

[ShuShu Fontana]

Very helpful and enlightening articles on Heartless-es link removed about "nice guys". I'd post the link, but this site won't let me because of the word .

[69_king]

Hmmm, do "nice girls" have a similar problem??

[Tinkerbell]

I have to say, this topic is getting old; it seems like every week somebody makes a post about Nice Guys Finishing Last. To throw in a new perspective, I decided to quote an article that Scout brought to my attention. Don't take offense "Nice Guys," this is just somebody else's opinion and does not necessarily reflect the opinions of me or Scout.

[sisterlynch]

I think that nice guys don't have to be helpless or passive or rigid, they need to try out new things to keep from being held back...in the relationship department...just be nice, yet assertive....don't always do what you are told or be who you should be. Nice girls are boring too, aren't they?

[69_king]

From that description of an NGWFL, I think I have to re-evaluate myself because I am hardly any of that stuff.

 

Ok, well, Hmmm....... I guess then I am a NJWJHMTRGY (non-jerk who just hasn't met the right girl yet)

 

Does that sound negative??

 

So maybe when I am nice then girls immediately think I am a NGWFL when I am not really.

[Iceman26]

That was pretty funny 69_king.

 

That doesnt sound negative to me.

[ShuShu Fontana]

Hmmm, do "nice girls" have a similar problem??

 

Yes, I definetly fell into that catagory.

 

There is a great book out there called "He's Just Not That Into You" that really hit the nail on the head for me. I know some women don't like this book because it makes them mad that women can be that pathetic, but WOMEN CAN BE THAT PATHETIC. I would give and give and give and when it didn't get me the guy I would think I needed to give some more.

 

Be confident, be strong, have opinions, and don't settle.

[Caldus]

...don't always do what you are told or be who you should be...

 

I don't think it's about being "rebellious" but simply just being more assertive with yourself. I don't think it's a good idea to not be yourself sometimes either. You're going to attract even less girls that way.

 

I agree with that description of the nice guys who finish last description. I used to have a lot of those characteristics. Now I don't consider anyone better than me or consider myself better than anyone else.

[Mels]

its often girls go in search of a nice guy when they are ready to commit

[Mels]

Oops, sorry. For some reason I put that whole last post in a quote. Sorry, I was in a hurry and didn't pay any attention to it.

[Emmylu]

Guys! I have to say something in defense of women. It's quite possible that men can (and have) accused me of leaving nice guys for bad guys. Even if that's what it looks like on the outside, it's not a realistic picture.

 

What you see is a correlation, not a cause and effect.

 

When you see a man going after a drop-dead gorgeous but mean girl, you say the guy is going after her looks. You don't say that he's seeking abuse.

 

I think us women have learned long ago that just being nice is not enough. We know it takes more than that to attract men. But somehow men believe that if they just be nice, that should be good enough.

[Caldus]

I agree with Emmylu to some extent. Being nice is not enough. You do need to work on your appearance a bit as well. But improving your appearance alone is not enough either. I don't think it's about "being nice" as much as it is being yourself with other people. If you're just being nice in order to keep the girl or whatever, then a lot of girls will notice that. By improving your personality and your appearance at the same time, you will feel a whole lot better about yourself and then people will immediately notice that.

[OceanEyes]

I have to say, this topic is getting old; it seems like every week somebody makes a post about Nice Guys Finishing Last.

 

I agree, it does seem like every week there is another guy posting about being stepped on for being too nice.

 

A guy friend of mine is one of the "nice guys" you talk about who either doesn't get many girls, or gets walked all over. He told me about two weeks ago that he realized that he keeps choosing to pursue women who are out of his league (his words, not mine), and who are much more social and aggressive than he is. Long story short: he is choosing the wrong women to pursue. If you're a really nice guy who puts his heart out there right away, then try to find a girl who will do the same - AT THE SAME PACE.

 

It seems to me, that if you are a "nice guy" and keep getting your heart broken, or can't get a girlfriend, that you might want to try being realistic about who you are, and what you can offer. Don't set your sights on highly social/ sarcastic/ attractive/ stong women if you can't handle what might come along with that.

 

Also something I have noticed with the typical "nice guy" that I continually read about here: nice guys always seem to get attached way too easily and throw their hearts out there too soon. I've met guys who assume too much also; they're too deep too soon, and expect that even the smallest of gestures means that she has fallen for you.

 

Come on guys, it's not like it's just you who gets walked all over. Human beings in general have a very solid history of horrible behaviour towards each other. Do you really need a woman to define who you are? Isn't that essentially what you're looking for? Someone to fill "a gap" and make you feel a certain way? Depending on any girl who shows interest in you to do this for you is obviously going to pose problems. Know who you are, what you want, and most importantly - don't ever give too much, or more than you're getting in return. If you put too much of yourself into the relationship and she's giving nothing back, you have to wonder why. If you're still in the "dating phase", don't wear your heart on your sleeve too soon or you're asking for trouble.

[69_king]

Also something I have noticed with the typical "nice guy" that I continually read about here: nice guys always seem to get attached way too easily and throw their hearts out there too soon. I've met guys who assume too much also; they're too deep too soon, and expect that even the smallest of gestures means that she has fallen for you.

 

 

Ok, how do I ignore my feelings?? Do I have to tell myself "Oh, she's just another girl, I don't really care about her yet"

 

Or do I date 3 or 4 girls at once so that I can't develop strong feelings for any one of them?

 

But then I have to make sure she knows I'm still interested at least.

 

AAARGH!

 

 

When did they teach this stuff? I think I must have missed that class!!