Nice Guys

[EyeofDTiger75]

WHy is it that nice guys can never keep a woman. I am 29 years old, I treat women witht e up most respect. I treat them as I would want another guy to treat my sister. I dont pressure them into anything yet I keep finding myself losing women to men that like to control them. I alway hear women complain that they cant find a nice guy, but when they find one, they run him off or leave them. I am so tired of all the games.

[atigdng]

Guys are meant to be dominant over women, they may want you to be nice but I think they also like responsibility and you making up lots of new ideas or always making the plans, because that is the way that is most natural, not that they don't like men who care what they think, not at all, they always love it when you listen to them and be "nice" etc.

 

But also being dominant doesn't mean controlling. They still have there own opinion and plans. It is you who should normally be the deciding factor though.

[EyeofDTiger75]

Let me explain myself a little more. I lost the woman I love to a man who had forced himself on her and basically told her she could not leave the house when they were married. He would tell her HEr job was to raise the kids and she was not allowed to have a life or friends outside the house and he would never do anything for her. She filed for a divorce and we met shortly after. Now she has hit a rough part int he divorce and has decided to go back to him, even though she says she loves me. I just dont understand, I feel like if I was not good enough for her with her past, who AM I good for?????

[Gunther]

A man has to be nice, but you also have to know when to put your foot down. Women dont like men who check with them for every little thing, you need more balance. Sometimes the man will decide what to do, and sometimes the woman will. But you don't check w\ eachother over small things, like who drives the car. Perhaps what you experienced was nothing more than a run of bad luck. If a girl is fickle enough to leave one man for another, then it is likely she will do the same to the next man. In the end a woman that is fickle like that really isn't worth keeping. All you can do is let it go, dust yourself off, and try again.

[lost and lonely]

can anyne really explain females. I always see girls staying with guys that treat them like garbage.....and leaving guys who treat them with respect, and as an equal.....maybee they get bored, and want to be slapped around, and verbally abused??....I hope not, cause there is noway I'm ever gonna go that route.

I think all nice guys know where your coming from...but can't help explain it. guess the saying is true "nice guys finish last"....I just hope we actually get to finish.

[thunda]

It can certainly be a fine line to walk. Women want a man who is both a 'bad boy' but also a gentleman. By bad boy I don't mean the kind of jerk that would ill-treat a woman. But someone who can't be controlled by her, but will do the gentlemanly things like open doors and pull out her seat etc. One thing I learnt early on is if you give a woman too much she will no longer find you interesting or a challenge and will soon move on. Don't always be available, be a little hard to get, maybe even a touch aloof without putting her off. This type of thing keeps a woman interested. And never never fall in love with a woman before she falls for you. There will come a time when the relationship will come to a point where you will express your undying love , but don't do that too early for this is surely the kiss of death. Be a challenge, never let her think you have fell for her hook, line and sinker or you're toast. Treat her like a lady yes, show due respect, yes, but always, always keep her guessing.

[EyeofDTiger75]

I've been trying for 29 years. I can't even see the finish line.

[EyeofDTiger75]

One thing I learnt early on is if you give a woman too much she will no longer find you interesting or a challenge and will soon move on. Don't always be available, be a little hard to get, maybe even a touch aloof without putting her off. This type of thing keeps a woman interested. And never never fall in love with a woman before she falls for you. There will come a time when the relationship will come to a point where you will express your undying love , but don't do that too early for this is surely the kiss of death. Be a challenge, never let her think you have fell for her hook, line and sinker or you're toast. Treat her like a lady yes, show due respect, yes, but always, always keep her guessing.

 

WHat your saying is play a game with her. That is one thing I do not believe in. I am an honest person. I share my feelings. I guess that makes me not good enough for anyone.

[Gunther]

Nonesense, games are pointless. I agree with eyeofdtiger, one thing that I simply will not do is play pointless games with women. Trust me though eyeofdtiger, there are women out there that don't care for games, I was lucky enough to find one. I'm sure there is one just waiting for you to walk into her life. Maybe your just looking in the wrong places, were do you usualy look for women you might be interested in?

[EyeofDTiger75]

Nonesense, games are pointless. I agree with eyeofdtiger, one thing that I simply will not do is play pointless games with women. Trust me though eyeofdtiger, there are women out there that don't care for games, I was lucky enough to find one. I'm sure there is one just waiting for you to walk into her life. Maybe your just looking in the wrong places, were do you usualy look for women you might be interested in?

 

I'm always looking. I've met some in my Karaoke BAr. Dance Clubs, even personal ads. Every time though I get the girls that want to play games. ALot of the girls i meet tell me I am not good enough for them (money wise). When I met thislast one she didnt care about my finanial situation, but in the end THAT is what cost me again.

[Outlaw2747]

Seeing posts like this always hurts me because I have been through the same thing man. It is quite lousy to see this occurring so much. I guess no one really takes time to see how it really affects us guys. All I can say is forget those that leave you because they are no good anyways. There HAS to be a decent female out there somewhere. I been destryoed by the very women that supposedly loved me for who I was only to lose them to some guy who could give a darn about them. Then after the fiasco with the jerk, they become man haters and all of a sudden us good guys do not exist. I will never understand this.

 

But just know this, you can be nice but assertive at the same time. If something is wrong and you know it, you gotta put the foot down and if they cannot hack it, forget it. The nice guy is not a doormat and should not be treated as such. If only they knew what they wanted, life would be so much easier my friends.

[EyeofDTiger75]

Don't you guys think it is odd that no women post a reply to this topic???

[Caldus]

I think that if a woman leaves you like that and goes straight to someone else then she is not worth it. Find a girl who will treat you right.

[thunda]

Sheesh guys chill. A game??? No its no game its just cold hard fact. Being a challenge to a woman is not playing games with them. Youre being sincere in that you love/ are interested in a woman and you want them to want you, right? I guarantee you if you give a woman too much she will lose interest. Keep doing what you have in the past and you will keep getting the same results. You want a woman to stay with you? If you aint a challenge she wont have no reason to. Anyway dont knock it till you have tried it. This aint no game, its about having the women you want.

[EyeofDTiger75]

Sheesh guys chill. A game??? No its no game its just cold hard fact. Being a challenge to a woman is not playing games with them. Youre being sincere in that you love/ are interested in a woman and you want them to want you, right? I guarantee you if you give a woman too much she will lose interest. Keep doing what you have in the past and you will keep getting the same results. You want a woman to stay with you? If you aint a challenge she wont have no reason to. Anyway dont knock it till you have tried it. This aint no game, its about having the women you want.

 

If roles were reversed us guys would be accused of playing games with her head.

[Outlaw2747]

They not posting probably cuz they seen this topic a hundred times and got tied of replying or maybe they are guilty. I couldn't tell you. As for the whole challenge thing, is it me or do women seem to try to take a "challenge" they cannot win at? Everytime they mention a challenge, they almost never succeed.

 

Well, not much luck there but just know this, nice guys are a dying breed; an endangered species. Most of them have either committed suicide, turned gay, or even turned into bad guys because they feel the nice guy thing isn't working. Heck even i thought about going to the darkside but that would mean that the bad women just defeated me and I don't plan on losing for quite a while.

[Gunther]

LoL , im sure some women do think that men play games w\ women, good point though, why arn't any girls responding to the thread? Anyways, perhaps bars, personals, and what-not arnt the best places to look for a girl. it has been my experience that women at the same type of job, or even at your job make the most compadable pairs. Maybe the girl you want is working right along side of you {or I could be totaly wrong} It never hurts to look around though.

 

EDIT: LoL just saw the post above me, that last paragraph would make a nice sig, might "borrrow" that off of you one of these days =p

[thunda]

Like I said in my first post its a fine line to walk....Women are the most unpredictable creatures on the planet.Im 38 and have been with the same woman a long time now but before that have many ladies interested in me.And I promise you this the ones I pined after and bombarded with 'I love yous' quickly scrammed,,,lol. But the ones I sort of fended off kept coming back for more.Hey mate I just know a way to keep an interested woman interested.I didnt say I understand them...LOL. I'm not asking you to not be yourself. But we grow in more ways then one. And this is one way we can grow. Ya know like sometimes we have to control ourselves, our feeling, our carnal desires etc so that we are morally upright. Would you say if you dont satisfy every carnal desire you have , then you are not being yourself? Of course not. Same principle here. Be yourself but reign it in.

[69_king]

There have been hundreds of posts on this topic on this forum but few women stand up and say its not true. There are a few but most remain quiet.

 

I have the same problem. I simply try to be decent, you know? I'm honest, polite, a gentleman but at the same time I'm adventurous, creative, funny, fun-loving. I basically just try to show the girl a good time.

 

What I don't do is play games, I suppose that is because I am honest and it is a problem to be too honest. And there are situations where I don't want to say something but I can't lie so I say nothing at all. This can be a problem.

 

Also, I like to take things slowly. But the girl leaves me for some other guy who pulled a James Bond and seduced her.

[neva_black_n_white]

I Have a really great boyfriend, and hes what most people would say to be a ''nice guy'' but i think thats on the surface i stick with my boyfriend because he does have that edge of control but its not all the time, he applies it to the right situation. like i find that sometimes my boyfriend can be too nice, asks too many questions out of politeness when instead youd either hope that hed know the answer or just find it for himself. sometimes too much efffort can be put in and i dont know, like men females can be fussy too.

 

i guess what im saying is, nice needs to be a leveled nice not an all time nice because some girls can become scared of hurting their men, at the beginning of my relationships thats what it was like for me. i felt that i had to watch where i was standing when instead i wanted him to understand and have his own opinions.

 

then again, what exactly does the term ''nice guy'' mean?

 

kel x

[thunda]

Guys who do the James Bond thing may attract the high school type girls who are inexperienced with that type of guy but the experienced ladies soon see him for who he is. Sure he will get the girl....for awhile but once she see's that he is in fact shallow and not what she thought shell look elsewhere.

[Iceman26]

I agree with Virus and thunda. Bars, clubs and personal ads are not the way to meet nice women. You may occasionally meet a cool one, but the chances of you meeting a really cool girl who you click with are not good. What you will most likely meet are bar flies and one night stands.

 

A good rule of thumb is to not get emotionally attached to a woman going through a divorce, because you dont know what is going to happen until the divorce has been finalized. Obviously, she wants to stick with what she knows and what she's comfortable with, and that is getting slapped around and treated like crap. Is that someone you really want to be with anyways?

 

Give it some time and patience, and you will meet someone cool. Like thunda said, be a challenge to women, but always be yourself.

[sisterlynch]

nice guys can keep a nice woman...

[69_king]

then again, what exactly does the term ''nice guy'' mean?

 

A "nice guy" would be any guy that treats you with decency and honesty and respect.

 

Whatever other qualities he has, as long as he treats you like that then he

is a "nice guy".

 

"bad guys" or "jerks" will lie to you, hurt you (physically or emotionally), and use you for whatever they want.

 

 

 

BTW, thanks for being the first female to reply to this topic!!

[Outlaw2747]

That isn't true in most cases. In fact, I have kknown many a woman that even though they have a great man, it appears as if they are looking for someone BETTER than what they have. Instead of trying to correct things that are messed up and make things right and express what is up, it seems as if the next cool guy (who is usually a creep) is an answer to all the problems. Keep in mind, teenage girls and 20 something girls are well known for this behavior.