I have a big problem.Please Help :.)

[STARSHINE42]

Hey everyone! I have a big problem,and I would really appritiate some advice.

Ok well me and my boyfriend have been going out for about two years.The way we started going out is kind of weird.I was w/ my last boyfriend for 3 1/2 years,and I kinda left him for my current boyfriend.My ex cheated on me a lot and I kind of jumped from one relationship to the next.Which I don't reccomend at all.But b/.c of my ex and a lot of other people I have really bad trust issues.

Well everything was fine w/ me and my current boyfriend until recently.My friend made me call her boyfriend pretending I was some girl he met awhile ago at a bar or something,to see what he would say.I called 5 times he never called me back.

So I decided to do the same thing w/ my boyfriend. I had her call w/ a fake name, she left a number for him to call back.He called back that night.This was about a month ago.I really didn't think to much of if.

Last wensday he went home and me and my friend decided to call him.So we called on three way and she played it off really good.He acted as he kinda remembered her(remember this is an imaginary person!) So she asked him if he had a girlfriend and he said no.So they decided to meet up at McDonalds and then go to the bar next door.

As soon as they got off the phone he called me and told me he was going to sleep.I told him I was going to hang out w/ Julie and Jed(her boyfriend) which I did.So Jed and Julie picked me up we went to McDonalds and he was there!!! so I got out of the car asking what he was doing and he was so shocked to see me. He had a OH -NO i'm busted look on his face.So I get in his car and he is all dresses nice w/ colonge . So ripped the necklace off my neck he gave to me, threw it at him, and told him it was over.He sped away.

When I got home he totally reversed it on me saying he knew about it and he was playing along.Which I know it was a lie.He did that for two days,then he finally amitted to not knowing.But he is acually mad at me for doing it.I told him I forgived him and he said he couldn't forgive me. We broke up.I broke down And we decided to work it out.

The thing is I don't know if I can forgive him.I have no trust for him at all now. But I feel like I love him too much to let him go.All day long I hear in my head my friend asking if he has a girlfriend, and him saying no.and that really breaks my heart.

I know what I did was indeed very childish.But I did it, and he fell for it. My question is if you were in my shoes could you forgive the person? We have been together for quite awhile, and from what I know he hasn't done anything else bad.But all advice would be very appritiated.And I'm sorry this was so long.Thank you!!!

[STARSHINE42]

okay. first off im a guy and i think what you did was smart. it is always good to make sure your guy isnt playing around on you. i myself would in any situation of being asked if i was seeing someone or not, i would tell the straight up truth. you had to prove to yourself that you werent dating a loser and that you could trust him. in my experience girls like to test guys. and its good that you do. you found out your boyfriend wasnt exactly right for you. obviously he didnt really cae about you or he would have said he had a girlfriend. your better off with out him. he'd only hurt you in the end. you sound liek a great girl. surely someone will come along thats much better for you . best of luck!

 

Thank you for your advice. I just don't know if I can let him go. My thoughts tell myself to let him go, but my heart sais no.In a way I wish I never did it.So I wouldn't know. Do you think it would be stupid of me to give him another chance?

[Hurting in Manitoba]

What you did wasn't childish. What you did was tested your relationship and he totally failed.

 

Now that he got caught, he's trying to turn it around on you. Don't settle

for some loser who was trying to put the moves on your friend.

 

Guys who treat girls like dirt come a dime a dozen. Take the time to work on yourself and those trust issues. The right guy will come along.

 

Stand your ground. This guy flat out denied having a g/f. There's no way to justify that. Keep that in mind when he tries to get back w/ you.

 

BE STRONG.

[boredguy]

My question is if you were in my shoes could you forgive the person?

I would say the answer would be NO. This experience has shown u that there is no trust that u can hold with him. a relationship cannot exist without a solid layer of trust.

obviously you have many memories with him, and care/(d) a lot about him. But this time, its about you. You dont deserve someone as untrustworthy as him. you need to ask yourself: "is he worth it?"

you need to be strong about this. you deserve better. u seem like a great person, and u knw wat? life moves on. you will find someone better down the road in life. you need not settle for him.

 

PM me if u need to talk or add my msn: email removed

[STARSHINE42]

What you did wasn't childish. What you did was tested your relationship and he totally failed.

 

Now that he got caught, he's trying to turn it around on you. Don't settle

for some loser who was trying to put the moves on your friend.

 

Guys who treat girls like dirt come a dime a dozen. Take the time to work on yourself and those trust issues. The right guy will come along.

 

Stand your ground. This guy flat out denied having a g/f. There's no way to justify that. Keep that in mind when he tries to get back w/ you.

 

BE STRONG.

 

thank you sweetie He didn't put the moves on my friend though.My friend called him pretending to be some girl he met at a bar a long time ago.This was a made up girl and he fell for it.He was thinking he was going to me a girl he met a long time ago at a bar.which I think it acually makes it worse

[STARSHINE42]

My question is if you were in my shoes could you forgive the person?

I would say the answer would be NO. This experience has shown u that there is no trust that u can hold with him. a relationship cannot exist without a solid layer of trust.

obviously you have many memories with him, and care/(d) a lot about him. But this time, its about you. You dont deserve someone as untrustworthy as him. you need to ask yourself: "is he worth it?"

you need to be strong about this. you deserve better. u seem like a great person, and u knw wat? life moves on. you will find someone better down the road in life. you need not settle for him.

 

PM me if u need to talk or add my msn: email removed

 

thank you. you have a point.I feel like anyone who did that isn't worth it,but I love him a great deal, I'm not sure if I can let him go. I tried to and I broke down. I felt like killing myself,I was so sad

[boredguy]

It doesnt really matter whether he tried to hit on ur friend or just some other girl. The point is he tried to hit on someone, and denied that u even existed. thats simply unacceptable.

being a guy, ive been tempted by other girls too, and u knw wat. all it takes is a little willpower to stand up and say: 'no thanks, i have a gf'

no completely deny that a gf does exist simply shows hes playin u for second fiddle.

[Hope75]

Ok well I have to say it since no on else did, but you got what you asked for.

 

Yes, your guy is a creep for lying to your friend, the "girl" and an even bigger creep for going to meet the "girl", but what you did shows bad decision making on your part and I think that it was immature.

 

I think you both should let this relationship go.

 

Obviously you didn't trust him to begin with, and rather than talk to him about it like a reasonable couple should, you set him up, and you got hurt in the process.

 

And he acted like a total sleaze by lying about his status and then going to meet with someone else.

 

Drop this relationship and move on. If you can, talk to some one about your trust issues. You need to work on those before you can have a healthy relationship.

 

Good luck!

[boredguy]

I feel like anyone who did that isn't worth it,but I love him a great deal, I'm not sure if I can let him go

We all sometimes love the things that hurt us the most. We can be attracted to those very things that will cause us the most harm, we just need to be able to take the pain of temptation for a while, so we can be able to live life to the fullest.

[lady00]

Your boyfriend has proven himself untrustworthy. He denied that he had a girlfriend and agreed to meet up with a perfect stranger...someone who he vaguely remembered meeting but who really didn't exist. Regardless of the fact that you tricked him, he messed up bigtime. He did it once so you have every reason to believe he would do it again. It's a good thing you caught him the first time, even if the way you went about it wasn't necessarily fair...it definitely wasn't fair of him to try to sneak around on you and play you for a fool!

[PrincessLinzay]

I agree with most posters.

 

I don't think you were acting childish. Sometimes talking through trust issues doesn't work. Sometimes the only thing that does work is having the glaring proof in front of your face. The only thing I might see a problem with is that your two friends came with you when you confronted him. That probably embarrased him a little and put him on the defensive.

 

I know it's really easy to say you can work through it, because you "love" him. But the harsh reality is that it will continue to be an issue, and a rift in the relationship, from this day forth. For me personally, Im not sure if that is something I could easily forgive and forget. It takes a certain person to be able to do that.

 

Whatever you decide to do, good luck.

[arwen]

I think the most important thing in this issue is not being discussed here. What you did was in fact testing your relationship. However, the problem is not the outcome, really.

 

The real problem here is that somewhere deep down you had the feeling you actually NEEDED to set up this act to trap him. I.e. you didn't trust him. If you had a trustful relationship, you wouldn't need to play games like this.

 

I am sorry that it ended like this. It's a pretty big mess. Forgiving is a way to heal yourself, and is solely a basis to decide whether you should continue the relationship. Don't get back with him, I suggest. What do you want, play another test game in a few months time? You didn't trust him and he gave you reason to.

 

Stay strong and move on,

 

Ilse.