Journey after a Breakup

[confusedgirl09]

NC day 19

 

Why do my exs come back? I got a message this morning from the ex before this ex. I haven't advertised my break up and I've only told my close friends. This particular ex isn't even my friend on facebook...I just find it awkward that if its not one ex its another. I want to be single at least until I feel completely healed. I don't want to start a new relationship with trust issues. I want to spend time with my friends and focus on myself. I think right now that's the most important thing.

 

Haven't thought about my ex as much today. Instead of the last breakup where I thought about him so much, now he's like a shadow in the back of my head. And as time goes on he grows smaller and smaller. Every time that I go to think about him I don't think happy moments...I have trained myself to see the end of the relationship. I starting thinking about the hurtful things he did and the broken promises he made. My mind immediately goes there now.

 

Plans for the beach tomorrow with my sister and possibly watching the game on Sunday with a friend...trying to keep busy Hang in there fellow dumpees, we'll get there!

[confusedgirl09]

Afternoon all,

 

I've been seeing a therapist after my break up and I had my third visit with her yesterday. The first two visit were very emotionally and we mostly talked about my feelings and the thoughts in my head. However, the third visit we began to talk about my ex, the way he treated me, and his actions. There were certain things that we talked about which resulted in my therapist asking me if I thought he had narcissistic tendencies. If I thought he thought about me and if he was empathetic. I began thinking about the criticisms, how impossible it was for him to comfort me if I was sad, the belittling, and how much he'd changed from the beginning where he made me feel loved and valued to making me feel like a burden. How he gradually withdrew once we started getting closer emotionally...

 

We discussed those behaviors and how they made me feel. We also talked about how he dealt with his family and how after we broke up he went back to move in with him mom. We talked about how at his age his mom still did his laundry, cooked, and cleaned for him. And how he did not know how to do basic chores. I think discussing all these things has been helping me see the relationship more realistically. It also helped me realize it is not what I want.

 

NC day 20

[confusedgirl09]

Horrible morning. I hadn't dreamed about him in so long. And I'm really upset with myself. I can't help it. I felt like I was moving on and then I dream about him. Why?

 

NC day 21

[confusedgirl09]

ENA...I feel so angry. I don't know how normal it is to be so angry. I feel lied to. No I don't feel, I was lied to. I never thought I would ever feel this angry. I feel used and so taken for granted. 2 years of my life spend on someone who ignored me and treated me so badly. This feeling at the pit of my stomach feels like its eating me up inside.

 

NC day 22

[confusedgirl09]

Hi ENA,

I haven't updated my journal in a while. I am definitely healing and don't think of my ex as often. I feel angry at times but I haven't cried in a week. Some time last week something clicked inside me. And suddenly I wanted to be happy. I'm tired of putting so much of myself in someone who doesn't value me. I just want to move on now. I began working out, going out with friends, and am focusing on school.

 

I am hopeful for the future but this run-in with someone like my ex has taught me a lesson. I was a bit naive. I wanted to believe that people were mostly good and that if someone said they love you...they meant it. But that's not true. Words are cheap and thrown around. My ex said a lot of things...promised marriage, talked about children. But they were all lies and I've learned an important lesson. I'm never going to let someone's words blind me. Ever again.