Journey after a Breakup

[confusedgirl09]

I wanted to start this journal through my journey from a breakup. My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me last Wednesday and we were living together for almost 5 months. I'm going through bouts of sadness, anger, loneliness, and fear. I feel who I was last week and who I am now are completely different. I don't quite know how to see my life without him and my future feels empty. I left on Friday and am currently trying to get my life together again. The last time we spoke was on Sunday and today is the second day of NC. I want to stay strong through this and I feel keeping a journal will help me heal and maybe help others who are going through this process as well.

 

My thoughts right now are...I want to talk him so badly. I want to talk about our day and I wanted to have dinner together. I miss sleeping next to him. I miss waking up to his good morning kiss. I miss our cuddling. I miss his face and his voice. I want to stop crying.

 

How can I continue to love someone who stop trying to love me? Who ran away when life got tough and our relationship wasn't sunshine and rainbows? He didn’t want to work or even acknowledge the problems. He has issues and problems and though I wanted to be there as his partner, he has kicked me out. I grew to love him truly and sincerely and he threw it away. He took me for granted but I think in a way always wants me to be there for when he comes back. A toy on a shelf waiting for him. I have to remember that I have given him 2 chances before. Both times I got hurt and felt like I've been kicked in the stomach. Both times he left and came back. I simply cannot be there anymore no matter if I still care about him. I cannot…

[confusedgirl09]

Mornings are the hardest, every morning that I've gotten up since the break up I think about not having him near me and I start crying. Why is this so painful? Doesn't he miss me? If he missed me, he would call me or text me...

 

Every time I feel weak and want to contact him I think to myself...he threw me away. He doesn't want me anymore and it reminds me not to contact him. I began seeing a therapist and I feel that by seeing her it will help me get through this as well as help me not go back to him again. I keep trying to remind myself that I deserve better, that I deserve love that doesn't run away at the first sign of trouble. I want someone who will value me. I deserve someone to be there. This morning I read something that I keep going back to:

 

"You deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them, a life that is so beautiful that you cannot tell if you are awake or still in bed dreaming, and someone who doesn’t so much as put one foot out the door because they know you are not the person to walk away from. This will be the person who sticks around through thick and thin because they want to, not because they have to.

You deserve all of this and so much more, and you deserve it for a lifetime."

 

I keep repeating this to myself. I want this to get better. NC day 3...

[confusedgirl09]

I keep asking myself...Why wasn't I worth it? How can i do this? All I think about is him. Every morning I wake up thinking I'll wake up in our bedroom. After we broke up last year, he came back to me after 2 months and he promised me so many things. He told me that he would never hurt me again. That he was sure of what he wanted and that he wanted to marry me. He told me to trust him again. And I did. I trusted him with my heart again. Why is he doing this to me again? I don't understand. Why didn't he want to work it out?

 

I want to stop crying. Every morning that what's I do...I cry thinking of what could have been. We could have talked about it. Work it out as a couple, like your supposed to. But instead he runs away. We didn't have major issues in the relationship; nobody cheated, nobody lied, he still loved me and i loved him. If he was feeling scared or had "cold feet" we could have talked about it. We could have moved out and we could have still been together if moving in was the wrong move or if it was too early. We could have done something together. He took the relationship for granted and he took me for granted.

 

Everything feels like its coming in waves...I go from being angry with him, to being numb, to not being able to stop crying, and everything in between. I have to be strong...contacting him will lead me nowhere. If he answers, there is nothing that he can say that will make me feel better. If he doesn't, then it be worse. I won't call him...I won't. NC day 4

 

I started reading a book called "Getting Past Your Breakup" by Susan J. Elliott and its really helped me understand myself better. I turned to reading books in order to take my mind off things and help me be strong. I don't feel strong yet...

[confusedgirl09]

The best movie ever to watch after a break up is Forgetting Sarah Marshall. I love it and it was the only thing that made me laugh today.

 

Today has probably been the hardest day so far. I kept thinking why was it so hard. Maybe its because tomorrow marks the day I moved out or maybe its because last Thursday was the last time I slept in our bed.

 

I keep thinking about the pain. I have been in another long term relationship besides this one. In college, I was in a 3 year relationship and we broke up mutually. We weren't compatible. We were two different people and we grew apart. I think we knew that we weren't going to work in the end. It hurt but not to this extent. I've dated other people but the same thing. It just didn't work out.

With my now ex boyfriend, I saw our future together. We got along well and we had common interests. There was chemistry and passion. There were promises made about marriage and plans for vacations and children. I guess that is also why I am hurt. Because we both talked about our dreams and hopes. I let someone see me completely, more than I had anybody else. And that same person rejected me. And gave up. What bothers me is that he said he still loved me, cared about me, and was attracted to me. That as he was breaking up with me, all he wanted to do was kiss me and hug me... And the fact that somebody can throw that away so easily... He doesn't deserve me.

 

I'm starting to see a therapist on Thursday. I want to feel more proactive. I want to feel like I'm getting somewhere and that I'm recovering. I don't want to be in the same emotional place I was the last time he came back and I took him back.

[confusedgirl09]

Again, a horrible morning. I moved out on Friday last week. This really hurts. I really want to be with him...and I know I shouldn't. I miss him. I'm starting to forget his voice. Why wasn't this special enough?

 

My heart is so broken. I haven't woken up one time since we broke up without crying. I haven't stop thinking: We could have worked it out. We could have...I'm tired of feeling so broken.

 

NC day 5

[confusedgirl09]

Reading articles here on enotalone have really helped. The break up "type" the keeps jumping out at me is the "The Grass is Greener" Syndrome (Background: ). It describes my breakup almost perfectly.

 

My day off today--Watched the Big Bang Theory and finished the book for my essay due next week. I've decided that I'm going to begin working out again and try to put my life into a routine to make sure that I get things done. I don't want to let my life fall because of him. I don't want to be stuck in bed and not get up like I've wanting to do.

 

Trying to organize my apartment is painful so I've been getting things out of boxes little by little. It hurts so badly to do this. I feel so alone on a Friday night. But I need to get used to this again. Being alone and not having him here. I gave him a second chance and I'm here again. He promised to not hurt me again and I'm here again. It so hard to pretend to be strong and reading this journal makes me upset that I let myself trust him again. And that I seem so pathetic. Why did I have loved someone this much. I gave him my heart and he stomped on it.

[confusedgirl09]

I want to hear his voice. And watch the FIFA game today together, drink beer and eat pizza. Instead I am doing laundry and trying to get my life back together. I want to stop crying...why is this so difficult? Why did he does this to me? I don't understand. Why do guys make promises? This hurts...its hurt. It hurts. Why fall in love so deeply? For what?

 

I feel exhausted. Writing this journal is the only thing right now keeping me from contacting him. And even more, I feel angry. I feel angry for getting convinced to give him another chance. I feel angry that I trusted him. I wanted to believe in someone so badly. I keep trying to keep calm and to be strong. Its so hard to pretend. All I keep telling myself is to breathe, to not only remember the good times in the relationship but to think of all the wrong and the hurt. Why is this so hard? I know I have to work through my feelings in order to fully move on. And I know this journal is a rant. Jumping from one topic to the other. My head is not making sense. NC Day 6

[confusedgirl09]

"Tremendous courage is a prerequisite for the awesome vulnerability of opening up your heart, body and soul for love."

When I read this quote I truly believe it. I really did let myself trust and love my ex even though he had broken my heart before. Yes, I had my heart shattered again. But, I truly loved him and I truly cared about him. But I have to remember he threw it away. No matter how much I loved him and that I was willing to work on our problems. No matter that I let myself trust someone again. That does not matter. This man who promised me the world up to the day we broke up. That did not talk to me about our problems and broke up with me out of the blue. Who decided I was dispensable. DOES NOT DESERVE ME.

 

I deserve someone who won't run away. Who will not give up. I deserve someone who will value me. I deserve it. Someone who considers me important and recognizes me and loves me flaws and all. I want to be someone priority just like he would be mine. I miss who I thought he was...who I thought he was up to the day we broke up. The person who wanted to make me happy. If he truly loved me he wouldn't want to see me in this much pain. It would cause him pain to see like this.

 

I just keep reading "getting over your breakup" books and "self-help" books. And websites like "link removed" and "link removed" have interesting articles though I haven't bought either system they are selling. If you are going through a break up like me, some of the articles on those websites might help, be insightful, or simply get your mind off your ex for a while.

 

As for the books:

1. The first book that I read was "Ignore the Guy Get the Guy" by Leslie Braswell. It was I guess a bit of desperation of thinking I would get my ex back that I borrowed the book (I have a Kindle and a prime account). Though, it did mentioned getting back with your ex very little, it was mostly about getting back your power through No Contact. And it was really inspiring and if you are feeling down or depressed I would read it. It is a Woman-Power type book.

 

2. I'm reading "Getting past your breakup" by Susan J. Elliot- which talks a lot about grief and gives some really good exercises to do. Though, I have only gotten about half-way through the book because some of the parts I don't feel ready to complete or read. I hope to finish the book in the next couple of weeks. It really hard to go through some of the exercises since I feel raw with my emotions still.

 

3. While waiting until I can finish the Susan J. Elliot book, I am reading "Dumped" by Maryjane Fahey and Caryn Beth Rosenthal. Its a funny and light read with many quotes and includes the two authors retelling their break up story. It has made me smile a couple of times.

 

Trying to be strong and have yet to break NC. If you are suffering through a breakup and reading my journal please remain strong with me, don't text someone who threw you away. Nothing good can come of it. Trust me I've been tempted so many times but...if he threw you away and hasn't even picked up the phone to call you then why should you? Hurting and missing him is part of the journey. And I know tomorrow I'm going to cry again but I refuse to talk to someone who thought I was not important. NC day 7

[confusedgirl09]

"Tremendous courage is a prerequisite for the awesome vulnerability of opening up your heart, body and soul for love."

When I read this quote I truly believe it. I really did let myself trust and love my ex even though he had broken my heart before. Yes, I had my heart shattered again. But, I truly loved him and I truly cared about him. But I have to remember he threw it away. No matter how much I loved him and that I was willing to work on our problems. No matter that I let myself trust someone again. That does not matter. This man who promised me the world up to the day we broke up. That did not talk to me about our problems and broke up with me out of the blue. Who decided I was dispensable. DOES NOT DESERVE ME.

 

I deserve someone who won't run away. Who will not give up. I deserve someone who will value me. I deserve it. Someone who considers me important and recognizes me and loves me flaws and all. I want to be someone priority just like he would be mine. I miss who I thought he was...who I thought he was up to the day we broke up. The person who wanted to make me happy. If he truly loved me he wouldn't want to see me in this much pain. It would cause him pain to see like this.

 

 

I just keep reading "getting over your breakup" books and "self-help" books. And websites like "link removed" and "link removed" have interesting articles though I haven't bought either system they are selling. If you are going through a break up like me, some of the articles on those websites might help, be insightful, or simply get your mind off your ex for a while.

 

As for the books:

1. The first book that I read was "Ignore the Guy Get the Guy" by Leslie Braswell. It was I guess a bit of desperation of thinking I would get my ex back that I borrowed the book (I have a Kindle and a prime account). Though, it did mentioned getting back with your ex very little, it was mostly about getting back your power through No Contact. And it was really inspiring and if you are feeling down or depressed I would read it. It is a Woman-Power type book.

 

2. I'm reading "Getting past your breakup" by Susan J. Elliot- which talks a lot about grief and gives some really good exercises to do. Though, I have only gotten about half-way through the book because some of the parts I don't feel ready to complete or read. I hope to finish the book in the next couple of weeks. It really hard to go through some of the exercises since I feel raw with my emotions still.

 

3. While waiting until I can finish the Susan J. Elliot book, I am reading "Dumped" by Maryjane Fahey and Caryn Beth Rosenthal. Its a funny and light read with many quotes and includes the two authors retelling their break up story. It has made me smile a couple of times.

 

Trying to be strong and have yet to break NC. If you are suffering through a breakup and reading my journal please remain strong with me, don't text someone who threw you away. Nothing good can come of it. Trust me I've been tempted so many times but...if he threw you away and hasn't even picked up the phone to call you then why should you? Hurting and missing him is part of the journey. And I know tomorrow I'm going to cry again but I refuse to talk to someone who thought I was not important. NC day 7

[confusedgirl09]

This afternoon it is still the same thing. I am bummed and still sad but more resolute. I won't contact him. I do miss him but he really hurt me.

And nothing that happens in the next couple of hours or days or weeks will change that. How can I continue to imagine my life with someone that threw me away twice? I can't. I will never grow to trust him again. I built trust again for him after the first time. But him giving up and leaving will now always be a part of the relationship. I don't think I can even be friends with him. It sucks to think that we had so much potential and that we did talk about a future together. And that I did see one with him. But nothing is going change what he did. I can continue wishing for things to have been different. That we could have worked through his "cold feet." But I couldn't have done anything. He made a decision without talking to me about his thoughts. I think about all the promises that he made. So many promises that he broke. Up to the day that we broke up, he was still making promises to me.

 

This morning's sadness lasted only a little while. Not as much as the other mornings since we broke up. I'm seeing some progress to the way that I feel. It's keeping me hopeful that I can do this...NC Day 8

[confusedgirl09]

NC is really hard. Though I still haven't broke it, I want to talk to him. I really miss him and I know I shouldn't. Every night that I go to sleep I feel strong and feel like I'm progressing. But every morning, I wake up thinking about him. I don't know how to change this. I've been reading articles online from a different website (baggagereclaim.co.uk). I feel like reading something about my breakup will take my mind off contacting him.

 

I wondered if I was crazy when we broke up. I didn't understand it. Did I create illusions in my head about our future? The answer is no, I didn't. He did. He made so many promises: told me he wanted to marry me, to be with with me, that he wanted to be my "family," and that he wanted to have children. Promises after promises. And I believed him. Why wouldn't you believe someone when they say they want to be with you? I've been with this person for 2 years. Of course I believed him. I thought that after all this time he would know what he wanted. Up to the day we broke up, he never mentioned anything. I was stuck with these illusions, with these dreams that he painted.

 

I wondered if he was going to come back. He has already done this twice (once after a break up for 2 weeks and another after a breakup for 2 months). He has come back saying that he missed me and that he loved me and that he was just freaked out. And both those times I was still in love with him. I still had some hope that we would get back together. I can't do it this time. I can't. This hurts too much. I feel like a yo-yo. He doesn't deserve me to continue to be there. I want to believe that I am going to heal and continue to do so. NC Day 9

[silversoul]

Keep NC, you will feel so much better! I also recommend you The Journey from Abandonment to Healing. This book really helped me during my break-up.

[confusedgirl09]

Thank you so much silversoul. That's the next book I was thinking of getting

[confusedgirl09]

Here comes NC day 10. I haven't really cried in two days though I've been sad. Reading books and articles has helped a lot. It has given me hope for the future and hope that I can get through this. I still feel pain but it is lessening day by day.

 

I have finished "Dumped" by Fahey and Rosenthal. And moved to "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" by Susan Anderson (thank you to all who recommended it here on enotalone). When I began to read it, I realized that he abandon me. I guess I hadn't though of it in those words but he did. I felt the feelings the author was talking about. Especially the physical pain in my heart. I thought I was dying. I couldn't breath and I felt like someone had taken a knife and stabbed me the heart. I just began the book but the process of what the author calls "Akeru" is something that I want to do. I just started the book but I am going to continue update my journal throughout my process and see what happens.

 

Switching the focus to me was so hard because I had been thinking of me and him as "We." When you become a "we" it is hard not to think about the other person. To worry and care and love that person. But it's not we...from now on it has to be me. Sleeping has been terrible: at first I barely slept and now I'm at the stage of sleeping too much. Eating has gotten much better. When we first broke up I lost my appetite completely and everything tasted like chalk. I was force feeding myself throughout the first couple of days. But now I'm back to eating regularly. Also, I have low energy right now but my plan is to begin working out next Monday after giving myself this next week.

 

Have to keep being strong. Get used to being alone again. And continue on. I am not going to let him bring me down.

[confusedgirl09]

"He’s a flip flapper and even though he can’t commit to being with or without you, he wants you there as an option. Interestingly, his ego will want you to consider him to be your only option."

I hate that he came back to me 2 other times. I hate that I miss him. The second time he came back after two months (the first one was only 2 weeks and we spoke the whole time), he made me feel sure that he knew what he wanted. Why did I believe him? Shouldn't you believe it when someone says that they love you and know that they want you? I was healing that second time. Almost over him and right as I was getting out there to enjoy my new life he comes back promising me that he knows he wants me. Do guys have a radar or something? The minute you start to feel good and happy they just come back and crowd your life again. I hate having to go through this again. It's not fair.

[confusedgirl09]

I had an awful day yesterday. I feel like I take one step forward and two steps back. It's as if I can't understand why we broke up and I'm trying to simply accept it and not try to figure it out. This whole journal is a rant. It jumps from one topic to another and doesn't make any sense. But it is what I'm thinking and feeling at the moment.

 

How do people love? Is it love until times get hard or we have problems? Did he really even love me? I don't think he did. It hurts. It hit me today to think that. I still love him. It's not just going to go away. Can it go away? This tenderness I feel towards him? I hope so. I want it to gone because he doesn't deserve it.

 

Why would I want to be with someone who leaves like this? That's the complete opposite of what you want when looking for a partner. I really did love him. There was nothing else there but love. I feel like he peeled off a part of me. The hopeful, naive and trusting person that I was, wanting to believe in him and all of his promises. I feel trampled on. Like my love wasn't good enough. Like I wasn't enough. I'm tired of crying. I feel like a loser crying everywhere for him. I guess that brings the days of no crying back to 0.

 

One of the worst things about breaking up is losing the person that you were closest to. This person who knew you intimately, knew your secrets, the hidden dreams...that person you shared your bed and your mind with decided that you weren't what they wanted anymore. One minute they are saying how much they love and care and the next you're a stranger. Someone they don't care to call anymore...someone who's not valuable anymore.

 

NC day 11

[confusedgirl09]

Good afternoon all!

Well I think I had an epiphany yesterday. Or at least something along those lines. When I got into a relationship with my ex, I had my own life, my own friends...I had me. Once we moved in together and I went back to continue school things changed. With the combination of school work, studying, and my ex, I lost my independence. In sense, the relationship took over my life (with the small inclusion of school). Nothing including a relationship should take over your life.

 

Another thing, is that I gave too much. I gave and gave and he took advantage. He stopped giving back. I lost myself in the relationship and in him. I think its easy to fall into that even more so when you move in with someone. You are around that person 24/7. I feel upset with myself because I allowed it to happen. But now I'm at the moment to regain myself and I'm going to.

 

At the end of the day, regardless of anything, I wanted to work things out. I don't blame myself for getting lost in the relationship or giving myself. Its normal for those things to happen. I wanted us. But he chose to give up. Again. Yes, the relationship was slightly different when we got back together. But at the end of the day, if someone quits on you once...they'll do it again. They came back and you took them back. They'll continue to to think that you are a constant in their life and that you'll always be there when they decide that they want you again. I don't want to be that person. I'm valuable. I have to remember that. I have to repeat it over and over again. Because when someone treats you as if you a toy...you begin losing sight of what you're worth.

 

NC day 12

[confusedgirl09]

I had a dream about him last night and that got me into a really horrible mood today. I wish I could control my dreams. After my dream, I realized that I'm scared.

I am scared that I will never find someone that I can be that comfortable with and that close to. Someone I can share my secrets with. I’m really scared. The worst thing is believing that your partner is right for you. And him telling you that you are right for him.

 

I hate thinking about those things. I feel stronger but every morning that I wake up I can't help but think about him. The one thing though is that I feel like I am making progress, I think about him less and less. It helps to think about all the things that he's said and done to me in the past. All the things that he apologized for and I accepted and we worked out. I keep thinking about our relationship and how much I wanted it and was willing to work through our problems.

 

I also think that leaving is his M.O. He would do it during discussions and during fights. He would just walk out and leave not wanting to discuss it. Almost as if he expected the problem to be gone by the time he came back. I hated that so much. The worst thing about it is that every time he would leave, he would come back, apologize and act as if nothing happened. The same thing that he did when we broke up and got back together (twice). Wanting to pick up where we left off. I'm tired of waiting till he comes back. I'm tired of feeling like I'm his option or that every time he breaks up with me it's a punishment for loving him so much. I'm so tired of being sad and shattered for the third time.

 

NC day 13

[confusedgirl09]

Good afternoon all!

 

I keep having dreams about my ex. I think that's why I've woken up most mornings really bummed. Most of the dreams I don't remember but I think that in the back of head I know I've dreamed about him. I have no idea how to stop this. I guess the only way is to give it time.

 

I started thinking about the guys that I've dated or been in relationships with in the past. Every guy from my past has come back. But by the time they've come back I had moved on and it was too late. My ex was the first guy that came back and I still wasn't over him. It hurts so much more when you give someone multiple chances and they promise to get it right but they give up again.

 

I keep reading articles and I read things that keep making me strong in NC and in working towards moving on:

 

 

Its now been two weeks. I miss him less and less every day. I know this time no matter when he comes back I can never be with him again. I have to hold strong. I gave myself two weeks to mope around and let myself feel. But starting tomorrow, I have a workout schedule and I'm meeting with friends for dinner and drinks. Even though I don't feel up to it, I have to push myself.

 

NC day 14

[silversoul]

Being active and trying new activities is the key to recovery. I don't think I would have gotten over my ex if I didn't actively push myself. Keep up the good work

 

''If someone wants you in their life, they’ll find a way to put you there'' - the words to live by.

[confusedgirl09]

Being active and trying new activities is the key to recovery. I don't think I would have gotten over my ex if I didn't actively push myself. Keep up the good work

 

''If someone wants you in their life, they’ll find a way to put you there'' - the words to live by.

Thank you silversoul. Still being strong and hope to remain that way

[confusedgirl09]

This morning was really hard to get up. I felt really tired and with no energy. I don't think I'm over the sad phase of my breakup but like others have said on enotalone I have to push myself out of it. It exhausting though to have to show your face to the world when you just want to go under the covers and hide.

 

Yesterday, while I was doing laundry and cleaning, I was reading articles online and I found this quote that describes my ex's actions perfectly:

He is a leaver

Some men know just how to punish a woman and that is by leaving. Some men, the instant a woman brings up any issue at all, say, “I don’t want to fight. I’m leaving” and go off to see their friends, to a bar, to their parents, to god knows where for god knows how long. This type of man makes you feel you can never bring up anything—you can never share with him when you are upset because you are punished by being left alone. This is extremely selfish and once again, the man is okaywith knowing you are torturedbeing left alone, so long as he doesn’t have to (god forbid!) talk about issues

I keep asking myself why I love someone like this. He would do this all of the time. It's like he just couldn't handle talking about problems or issues or anything. The more I read articles and books, the more I begin to see things and the more I think I accepted and stayed when I should have left. I deserve better. I feel like I've been through so much heartache in the past 2 years that I'm just tired. He's done this 3 times. Three times he has broken my heart and left. Always to come back. I'm just so tired of feeling like this. It isn't fair.

 

NC day 15

[confusedgirl09]

Yesterday, I went to have drinks with a new friend who was in a six year relationship with her ex. She gave me really good advice about how she healed from her break up last year. By hearing her talk about her ex, I realized the most important factor is time. She broke up her ex in August and it was until February/March that she felt almost herself again. I have to give myself time to forget him and to slowly stop loving him. Much more time than the 2 months I had during the break up last year. I think if I had more time, if my ex came back later when I was more healed, I don't think I would have gotten back together with him. I need to avoid him at all costs. I need to not talk to him no matter how many text messages he send me or how many times he begs and promises like last time. I have to remember all the horrible things that happened. I need to continue no contact.

 

Something else she said was that when you still loved your ex and you're not with the person you love it feels like a dull ache in your heart and body. But one day, you're going to wake up and not feel it anymore. You going to wake up and you're going to feel whole again and not feel like a part of you is empty. One day that person that has lied to you will no longer be important. They'll just be a memory and a lesson.

 

Once someone has disrespected you, disappointed you and hurt you you they'll think its okay to continue to do so. They have let you down once and will do so over and over again.

 

NC day 16

[confusedgirl09]

Afternoon all,

 

Today feels better. Funny, I woke up and didn't feel as drained and tired as I did before. Definitely feeling progress. I have another drink night with an old friend tonight and I'm looking forward to it. Trying to be as positive as I can. I can't let him continue to control me and make me feel miserable. However...something that I noticed is that I feel that I'm not as confident. The relationship and him have affected my self-esteem and confidence. I don't know I feel like I lost that within myself and don't know who to find it. I think its a part of being rejected and treated like trash. Also, the continued on-and-off aspect of our relationship might be why I feel like that. But fake it till you make it, right

 

A quote that I read and stuck with me was:

Don’t fall in love with someone who says the right things fall in love with someone who does the right things

I need to remember that my ex is not the only guy out there. He said so many things and promised me so much but at the end his actions spoke much louder. And though I don't feel up to dating anyone until I'm completely over the situation. I want to believe that there are people who appreciate and treat others with respect and affection.

 

NC day 17

[confusedgirl09]

Went out last night to have drinks with my guy friend. I have known him for over 5 years and he met my ex. We caught up and we talked about my break up. He was really understanding and insightful. I was able to get a guy's perspective on all of the things that happened. But most importantly, I'm pushing myself to go out and I'm having fun doing so.

 

I had a dream about my ex last night and I woke up a bit bummed. Whenever I think about good memories and think of what could have been that's when I start feeling sad. I have to continue to remember how much he has hurt me and how I feel taken for granted.

 

I'm starting to forget his face...I don't have any pictures of him or us saved on my computer. I deleted them all before I moved out of our apartment. He said that he wanted to keep them so I left a USB. I also don't have anything sentimental or anything that reminds me of him with me. I left all of it with him when I moved. Even though it hurts, it was right leaving all of those things because looking at them I wouldn't be able to move on. I would be constantly reminded of him every day.

 

Feeling better and better. I hope it continues that way. NC day 18