My mummi died 10 months ago

[fairyhugs]

Hi there,

My mum died on the 6th Feb 2004, and im only 15. She suffered from cancer for 3 years and i cant say it wasn't painfull for her. Every 1 keeps tellin me that in time it will heal, but at the moment the situation just seems to be gettin worse. I am starting to run out of ideas of how to deal with this now. And i really wish that some1 wud come and tell me exactly wot to do to get over it. I want to be able to get on with my life now, but its impossable, for one i dnt know how to act my age because for 3 yhrs i have had to act older than i am to look after my mum, and now i find it impossable to be looked after.

 

this tym last year we were at manorlands- the cancer hospice my mum was in- and we were hoping that my mum wouldn't die on christmas day! It is so painfull, having to totally chang your life, for that person to go and then you have no life left afterwards

 

Pls somebody give me some advice on wot to do.

[ayekasong]

Hi fairy, sorry to hear you're going through this. The death of a loved one is never easy to deal with, even when expected.

 

I see you are 15, have you looked into any counseling groups that deal with the loss of a parent? I know at my church there was a group called "rainbows" to help children deal with the loss of a parent. I'm sure you could find a group (perhaps specifically for teens) in the phone book as well. You could meet others in these groups who share your pain and might have some good ideas on how to heal.

 

The holidays are tough without those we love. Hang in there, and good luck.

[Mentor]

I am so sorry that you had to go through this. I can't imagine how hard it was for you. Your mom was very lucky to have such a strong daughter to stand by her side when she needed you the most. I am sure that you have a very appreciative guardian angel looking over you now with lots of love!

 

I have a friend who had a similar experience. Like you, she also had to grow up in a huge hurry. She was the oldest child in the family, and needed to be strong to take care of her brother and sister. She is such a strong person now, I admire her so much! It was very hard for her too, but she made it through and is a better person now because of it.

 

Who do you have to talk to for support? Yes, you need to be strong, but you are also allowed to be weak at times too! I hope that you have someone who can support you when you are sad, and who can take on your responsibilities when you need a break to be a kid again

 

Welcome to this forum, by the way! I have found it to be a huge source of support and comfort. I hope that you will too.

 

Love,

 

Ian

[Yorkrose23]

Fairyhugs,

 

I am so very sorry for your loss. People grieve in different ways, so I can't and won't tell you what to do. But I will give you some suggestions you can take if you like.

Having a support group is a good idea. Getting your feelings out is good, then having someone there to tell you that you're not alone.

Giving yourself time to grieve is important. But do it in your own time, don't let anyone force a schedule on you.

Just remember Fairyhugs, there are people who care and you are not alone.

Happy holidays.

Love,

Yorkrose23

[SteveNaive]

Hello Fairyhugs...

 

Wow, that is some moving story you are telling. I do feel very sorry for the loss you had to suffer. Losing someone you are that close with, who is that important for you is never easy and yes, it does take a lot of time. However, I don't think anyone can really tell you on how you can get over this. Everyone is different and thus everyone does grieve differently. The hardest bit about this is probably that each and everyone of us has to find his or her own way to deal with these things.

 

However, I think it is a good thing you came here and tried to express your feelings and your fears. I can understand that you find it hard to act like a 15 year old when you had to carry such a great responisbility for this three years. The only possibly advice I can give you is just try and be yourself, everything else will come as time passes... There will be times when you will not be as strong as you would like to be. The important thing is, that you are allowed to be weak at times, just do not let yourself drown in it...try to keep on going as good as you can.

 

As all the other posters here said before me, you are not alone. This place has so many helpful people, who try to care and give advice as good as they can... I so wish you all the best on your way!

 

Steve

[ticklebug]

fairy

 

oh I can relate to how you feel. I lost my mother to cancer when I was a child...much younger than you but it still hurt just the same.

 

Remember sweetie, she may have left the world, but she is ALWAYS there watching you, and anytime you miss her, just talk to her...she hears you. It sounds as if you ar still trying to be "strong" about it..don't be. Let your tears come. If you feel overwhelmed let it come out. It truly helps.

 

Does your school have a counselor you can talk to? I really suggest you sit down with him or her...or even a teacher that you really like. Let somone outside of your family know that this is still very hard for you, and you don't know where to turn.

[ShySoul]

Hi Fairyhugs,

 

That's a very moving story and I'm sorry that you've had to go through this. I know it must be hard on you, especially around this time of year. Grieving is hard for everyone and different people deal with it in different ways. It's okay if your still hurting, you'll always miss you mom. Time well help ease the pain, slowly but surely. In the meantime, find someone you can talk to about this. Talking things out and having someone who cares about you and is there to listen to you is always a big help. How about your father? He should be willing to help you through this and should realize that he has to do more to help you out now. If this doesn't work, try a school counselor, a trusted teacher, or a close friend. Talk with someone.

 

Don't worry about acting your age, being mature and responsible is something that will benefit you in the coming years. And remember, it's okay to be sad. There's nothing wrong with missing her, as long as you don't let it take over your life. Try to enjoy yourself and have fun. Know that wherever your mom is, she loves you and is proud of the person you are.

[fairyhugs]

Heya everyone,

thank you for all your great advice. I have already tried a conselor, well 3 to be exact n 1 of them was at school, but none of them helped they just seemed to make it worse, cos they only seemed to tell me how strong n mature i was, n i really needed some one to get the anger out of me. I do talk to my mum, i talk to her alot, and i knw that she is with me most of the time. It has been really hard this christmas because last year we were at the cancer hospice with her, but i got through it with only a few tears.

 

Thank you

fairy xxx

[ticklebug]

cos they only seemed to tell me how strong n mature i was, n i really needed some one to get the anger out of me.

 

 

fairy

 

one thing about counselors when they are dealing with young people. When a younger person comes to them, many times there is zero trust there, and many younger people are forced into therapy instead of wanting to go willingly. So a counselor is going to take time and talk to you, get to know you, try to earn some trust with you before getting into the deeper issues. So you get the reassurances that you are a great person, etc....

 

If you feel you are ready to dive right in and discuss harder things...you need to let that counselor know. So if I were you, I might want to give counseling another shot...

[Mentor]

I agree with Ticklebug Sarah,

 

Try another counsellor, and be firm about why you are there. It is for you that you are going, they need to give you what it is that you need. I don't think that they are prepared for how strong you are, and focus on that, while inside, as you say, you have a lot of anger and pain. Tell them that you are there because of the anger that you feel.

 

Good luck!

[fairyhugs]

thank you huys, dat helps the only problem is that the conselor all ready knew me and had a lot of trust in me, cos she wanted me to gp and talk to other teenagers about how to get through it. but i will try it again n see how it goes. Thank you for all your help.

 

love sarah xxx

[Softmoonlight]

Darling, have you and your siblings attended counseling? You really should. There's a lot of pain and anger inside which needs to be released when someone that close to you passes away.

 

so you're not up for group therapy? i actually went to group therapy for a few months, and you know what? i really liked it. at first i felt weird, but then after a while, i felt so bonded with these other people and truly felt like i belonged. we all understood one another and had been through the same things.

 

here's a big hug

HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUG

and God bless you and your family.

[dreamweaverdude]

Fairy, The days will get better. I lost my mother when I was 10 years old and I was a 'momma's boy'. It devastated me, but i survived and made it through ok. SOme on here might beg to differ [lol] but you wil be fine. Find things that can occupy your time so you don't dwell on your loss, and be thankful for the time you had with her. Remember the goods times with your mum, that' exactly what she would like for you to do.

[fairyhugs]

Heya hunnis,

 

Thanxs a lot you lot have managed to keep me going through xmas and new yr. New yr was reli hard though, but i got through it with alot of tears. It isn'tthe same with out her but i knw i have got to think about what i can do to make her proud n what i can do to make her happy and do it. i would't be able to do group therapy because i would end up helping everyone else and i wouldn't get any help from myself its the way i am, i always give and never take.

 

Thank you for your advice.

 

Love and ltsa fairy hugs

fairy xxx