Being a " F Buddy"

[angelicshadow]

What does that include exactly??? Is there an room in there for friendship at all?? I mean it is an odd concept..an odd relationship. I would not mind answers from both sexes on what they feel a relationship like that is all about.

[lil_shank009]

you are 38 and you are a f*** buddy? no offense but i didnt know people your age did stuff that wasnt relation ship-y

[studmaster3265]

Maybe its not a good a idea to be one of those friends. Maybe you or her will develop feelings which the other one might be scared to accept. And besides its not healthy if she has you like a friend like that who knows how many others she has had.

[angelicshadow]

I did not say I was one......but thanks

[angelicshadow]

I AM NOT IN THAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP......ASKING ABOUT IT IS ALL

[ticklebug]

angelic,

 

in a nutshell, being a "buddy" like that is basically two people using each other for sex.

 

Now I really don't know about you, but even if at first it is agreeable to both people...at some point, I'd get a bit tired of any type of friend using me for anything.

 

Not to mention, what if you actually start to desire having a relationship with someone again...you can't have one with your "buddy"...and since that sexual need is being fulfilled by the "buddy"...you won't go looking for someone who is meaningful...as part of what drives you is a need for intimacy.

 

Why take the chance of the right person for you getting passed by because you were too wrapped up with a "buddy"?

[Switch187]

What does that include exactly??? Is there an room in there for friendship at all?? I mean it is an odd concept..an odd relationship. I would not mind answers from both sexes on what they feel a relationship like that is all about.

 

Being an F-Buddy includes hanging out with someone just for sex. Any type of sex will do, but that's what the whole "friendship" is based on. Some guys and girls will have a couple F-Buddies, so it isn't the best thing to consider when someone brings this idea up. Some people are exclusive F-buddies, like when my g/f and I broke up we remained just F-buddies since we knew we didn't want that from anyone else, and just wanted a break from a relationship.

 

There is some room for a friendship, but most of the time it's really one-sided. Usually one person wants more than the other (like one wanting more sex or time with the other, or one starting to get "attached" to the other). The only way most of these relationships work is for people that are almost in a LD situation, so the only time they acutally see each other for sex during a visit. I had a few F-buddies a while ago, but those relationships had to end once I started thinking about how many other guys were there as well (like if I told one of the girls I couldn't see her, she would just say she would call someone else then), and some of them started to get attached and wanted things to lead to a relationship. Some people use these "friendships" to build up to a relationship, although it seems a bit backwards. Some girls I knew said it was easier to be in a no-commitment sex friendship to see how much they liked being around a guy, and if feelings arise then they take it to the next level. If not, well then at least there getting there sexual needs fulfilled by someone until they do find another person.

 

Like most people have said, these relationships aren't really worth the time and effort since they only confuse most people. Like ticlebug mentioned, these relationships don't give you the "drive" to want to find a person to spend your time with, since all your sexual needs are being filled, and you are still free of "worries" that come with being in a relationship. Well that's all I have on this right now, since I'm writing a novel on it, so I'll stop here and see what other people have to say.

[kalshane]

It all depends on who's involved. In my experience, we were friends first that discovered a sexual attraction to each other. Since we were both brutally honest type people, we both knew that it wouldn't go any further, and we discussed why. BUT we still had this animal magnetism. Eventually I had met someone, and we were still friends. Eventually she met someone and we remained friends. We only incorporated sex into our friendship when we were both single and leaving the party together It never became weird or heartbreaking for any of us. Just a lot of fun when we both needed it. I've seen other friends handle that sort of relationship successfully, but like I said, it depends.

[angelicshadow]

It is pretty much as I thought folks ...thanks for your time and descriptions. Have a great Christmas!

[Day_Walker]

it is possible to be f buddies and still be friends. Although a situation like that is not common.

[the_tiger_striped_cat]

I'm in a fbuddy "relationship"

 

Many of the negnative opinions of this "relationship" is due to it's low success rate and peoples notions of sex.

 

But what if you could have a close friend and have your enjoyable (doctor recommended) sex? Wouldn't this be a sweet deal?

 

I have a very close friend. I just flirted with her more and more and eventually you know we decided to go away somewhere together and take care of each other . Now I'm not saying that my case is the norm. But we don't argue, we don't use each other for only sex, but we both love how great sex feels and making each other feel better.

[emma34]

ok yeh... you are much too old for these kind of relationship...f*** buddies are for like teenagers who have no intentions of becoming serious in a relationship...and have overloaded hormones, and engage in irresponsibile sexual behavior.

but for your knowledge...the "f*** buddy" status is exactly what it proclaims. There SHOULD be no room for an actual relationship but 90% of the time, it likely turns out to be this way. It is difficult to keep friends after ending such a relatinship as well I am sure. There ya go...

[the_tiger_striped_cat]

ok yeh... you are much too old for these kind of relationship...f*** buddies are for like teenagers who have no intentions of becoming serious in a relationship...and have overloaded hormones, and engage in irresponsibile sexual behavior.

but for your knowledge...the "f*** buddy" status is exactly what it proclaims. There SHOULD be no room for an actual relationship but 90% of the time, it likely turns out to be this way. It is difficult to keep friends after ending such a relatinship as well I am sure. There ya go...

 

Sorry I disagree. Angelic, you should decide on your own. But you are more mature, and if anything, you are better able to make this type of relationship work, and I know you said you aren't in this type of relationship, and OF COURSE you shoud be looking for love. But say you have a close friend, and you both establish that you aren't right for each other, then what is so horrible about a Fbuddy relationship? I take it that most people on here have never even been in this type of relationship I really don't know where people's conceptions on the sucess rate of this type of relationshiop comes from. But the FACT is, if you're mature, it really isn't all that hard to have this type of "relationship". It is the immature that have all the problems, but I made it work very easily and any willing couple that are mature enough can make it work

[Switch187]

Well Tiger I'm glad that you are having a successful F-Buddy relationship, but I've been in many of those (both immature and mature ones) and that's why I can say it only lasts for a while. I've had one of those just like yours, where the girl was one of my really close friends and we both knew that we didn't want anything more from each other than the sweet deal that we had. Sex was good, we didn't fight (why should we, we weren't in a relationship), we enjoyed each others company outside of the bedroom, and were just having a great time. But this situation had to come to a end. As time went on, we started to have problems. I wanted to meet other girls, and try to date other girls, but it was too hard when my F-Buddy was right there on my side. It was hard for her becasue after about a year of this, she started to develop really strong feelings for me (after all we did, she felt maybe it was becasue we were compatible with each other) and that made things really awkward for both of us. The F-Buddy relationship just started to drive a wedge between us to the point were we just needed to go our separate ways and never see each other again. That was over 6 years ago, and she is know happily married to a great guy, and I'm with a great girl that I want to marry as well. The only positive thing that came from that relationship was being able to know what I liked and wanted, as well as learn that sex was something more to me than just a lustful act of passion.

 

I do agree that these relationships are possible to have, and are possible to last for a while. But they will all come to an end. Think about it. Do you want to spend the rest of your life being just a F-Buddy, or would you want to be someones husband/wife? When that time comes, your going to have to end all those "friendships" so you can work on your real relationship. And anyways, once you find that one special person you want to be with and marry, that person is pretty much your best F-Buddy you will ever have. So, best of luck Tiger, enjoy this while it last because sad to say, eventually it will come to an end. Not trying to be mean or anything, just telling my experience from being in these types of relationships (the one I mentioned wasn't the only one I was in, but it came to mind when my g/f and I bumped into her and her hubby..talk about awkward meeting).

[Shinobie]

I think your way too old to think about f buddy's and all that non sense.Dont u think about having an honest loving relationship with someone?I guess im just really mature cause i dream about being married to the one i love and having kids.I dream about stuff like that and im only 17.Maybe since i havent had a girlfriend all my life it has given me new found morals and dreams about having a special relationship and dying for it more.

[the_tiger_striped_cat]

How many of you guys/girls masturbate out there? Why do you do it? Shouldn't you be looking for husbands and wives instead of doing that? This is my point EXACTLY. We have human desires. And if two people are mature enough (Switch sorry to say but if all of yours end badly, they were never mature bro) to understand their own feelings and realize that they are not right for each other, but still enjoy each others company, then these people can pull this "relationship" off as great as I am doing right now.

 

I admit that NONE of these work out in the end. But why would I expect it to? Do you actually think that people can go on like this ad infinitum? All this about looking for another relationship, or looking for a husband/wife: do you really think that we aren't doing that? I'm going speed dating in a month!

 

I'm sorry to say, despite some people's "it never works" attitude, I'm testament to the fact that it does indeed.

 

...enjoy it while it lasts

 

I couldn't have proved my point more succinctly Switch

[ShySoul]

Sure we have desires, but that doesn't mean we have to give in to them or be slaves to our instincts. It comes down to your opinions on and how much you value sex. You apparently looks at sex as a physical act that you should do whenever you feel like it because its just another human desire. Most of us place the emphasise on the emotional and spirtual elements of sex. The act itself is nothing special, its that love and bond that makes sex worth having. As muture as you think you are know, when you are married and sleeping with someone you truly love, you'll think differently.

[Switch187]

Well Tiger I never said mine ended badly, they just ended. Mine were just as "great" as yours is now, and I too used to think that sex was just about the physical act and nothing more. It wasn't until I was in College that I started to feel that I was wasting myself, and my body, in these types of relationships. I felt spiritually wasted and drained, and I knew the only reason for it was that I was giving away something that was more meaningful then just an act of passion. I (like ShySoul) believe that sex is more than just a physcial act, but it's something that joins two people mentally and spiritually. When you have those types of connections, sex is more meanigful and feels more "real" then any F-Buddy can provide. Plus, like I said, when you do find a person that you really want to be with, that person is just like and F-Buddy. The reason why "it never works" is becasue it just can't. Yeah it can last for a long time, and many people are successful at keeping these relationships for a long time, but they do have to come to an end eventually.

 

I know what type of point you were trying to prove with the masterbation question, but the only time I have masterbated in the past 2 years was when my g/f was out of town, and it's not like I could just go get some other girl to just fill that "human desire" that I had. It's all about control, and although you think that you are very mature for being able to have this type of relationship, your lack of abiltiy to control your "human desire" shows the real side. I'm not trying to single you out or say anything bad about you at all (and if you take it that way I do apologize) but it takes an even more mature person to make a real relationship last then it does to make a F-buddy relationship work.

[the_tiger_striped_cat]

guys I'm much older than you think I am .

 

You like sweets right? Or maybe you two are the type that like salty things. You don't need this do you? Have you EVER ate junk food? There's no real reason to eat it, it's not healthy. Yet you do. Are you "giving into" your physical desires? Well sex/masturbation can act IN THE SAME WAY. Sure I could give either up at ANY time, but don't you see, you don't need to view sex with this stigma or constraints. The act alone can be a wonderful thing. And I agree completely that once you have the spiritual connection it is sublime, but the simple act can be as satisfying as eating a cookie--but much, much more special than eating a cookie!

 

I mean don't get me wrong. I used to think just like you, but I realized that sex is what you make of it, you don't have to give into a constrained ideology that sex is ONLY special under certain conditions--just change your mentality (but your current situation with masturbation shows that you probably wont). I can still believe AT THE SAME TIME what a wonderful thing it is to make love to a wife, and ALSO how great sex is alone. The perfection of making love to someone you love doesn't make sex a horrible act, it just means it's not as great. But it doesn't mean sex still can't be really really really good with someone you still care about. You two are acting the same way a teenager acts when they are told by their parents (or at church) that masturbation is wrong. They act the same way. "Your body is a temple, you shouldn't do that, you only use your body in that way when your in a special relationship" But in actuality, there isn't a SINGLE sex/relationship expert that would contradict ANYTHING that I've said here, and I'm sure I could find hundreds of resources if you want me to. Just ask.

[ShySoul]

First if by saying that your older than we think you are referring to age, age has nothing to do with maturity. I've known kids who were vastly more mature that a lot of middle age people.

 

Not to be mean or start a fight, but it sounds to me like you are trying to rationalize your actions. You said you used to think like us. So why the drastic change in beliefs? I get the feeling you got impatient waiting, that your convictions weren't that strong, and you decided to change your mind. Or maybe you got a taste of sex once and wanted more so you had to find a way to justify it.

 

I'm sure sex feels really god regardless of the connection. That's part of the incentive for people to do it. I mean, if it didn't feel good or make people happy no one would want to do it and the species would die out. But its the difference in how good it feels that's what I'm talking about. I could have "really really really good with someone you still care about." But I would feel like I'm just settling for it and for the person. Or worse yet, having sex simply to have sex. That's the worse reason to have sex. But when you have "the perfection of making love to someone you love" you have exactly what you wrote... perfection. Why settle for just really really good when you can have perfection? Why settle for just someone you really care about, when you can have someone you really love? If you want to talk about sweets, why settle for generic brand ice cream when you can have the Haagan Daz?

 

Good things come to those who wait. The best things in life are worth waiting for.

[the_tiger_striped_cat]

Why settle for just really really good when you can have perfection? Why settle for just someone you really care about, when you can have someone you really love? If you want to talk about sweets, why settle for generic brand ice cream when you can have the Haagan Daz?

 

Why settle? That's an easy one. Why would I not choose perfection? Doesn't that sound absurd--not choosing perfection? So either I'm very, very wrong here by not chosing perfection or you're missing the point. I think it's the latter. The fact is perfection isn't easy to obtain. Of course I'm looking for it as dillegantly as you are. But you act like we live in a perfect world. If it was that easy to go out there and grab perfection we wouldn't have this forum now would we?

 

You're right Haagan Daz (sp?) is better than generic, but while I'm wating for the next Haggan Daz shipment generic--under certain circumstances--can be a HELL OF A LOT better than nothing at all .

[Angelus]

I agree with shyguy, sex is so much more than penis and vagina. When I make love to my g/f--whom I do plan to marry--it's a feeling that's beyond mere words. It's like our souls become one and the love that we share is far better than "sex". Yes sex on it's own is a wonderful thing, but when you share sex with someone you love, oh it's amazing; it's a taste of heaven.

 

Tiger i understand that you love having sex, but what shyguy is saying is that sex isn't a tool, or a hobby to play around with; it's a sacred act that when shared between two loving souls, can make a single person whole. I don't know your love history but I do know that although sex is one of hell of ride, love, yes love sure makes that ride worth while.

[the_tiger_striped_cat]

I understand and agree completely. But become liberated and realize that sex is more than "just a tool" it's something really great. I know you want to believe that sex is pointless without love, but that reasoning is a groundless bias because you happen to be with your gf. If you were 30, single, and lost love a few times with no love in sight you might think a little differently. Sex without love is not perfection, but it's still really good.

 

that although sex is one of hell of ride, love, yes love sure makes that ride worth while.

 

So you agree with me then?

[Angelus]

I never said that sex without love is pointless. You missed me there. What I said that sex is enhanced by love. Yeah I mean you can have fun just sexing about, but, from my point of view, sex is better with love. It's like strawberries and whip cream, separate they both are amazing but when you combine them; whoa! Ya gatta love it!

 

Hope that clears the air for ya.

[ShySoul]

Of course perfection isn't easy to obtain, if it was then it wouldn't be so special. I know this world is far from perfect, and most of posts make reference to that. That's why its even more important to value those moments that are true perfection and not taint it in some way. By saying nothings wrong with enjoying sex because its there, you lowering the significance of the whole act. You may actually be making it harder on yourself to find that perfection. Why commit to a real relationship and everything that comes with it when you can have sex with no strings attached? And when you do find the perfect person for you, are you going to recognize her, or are you going to be thinking about sex? A leopard can't change his spots and change is difficult for people. Are you really going to be able to change this attitude and stay faithful or are you going to try to justify sex on the side claiming that you care about the other person so nothings wrong with it. I'm not saying your going too, but that's what you have to consider if your going to treat the topic of sex so carelessly.

 

I like some Mint Chip ice cream every now and then. But I usually wait long periods of time before having it. That way when I do have it's a special treat and I can savour it that much more. It's the waiting and anticipation that makes me appreciate and enjoy it so much. If I had ice cream all the time, even the generic brands, it wouldn't taste as good because the rareness of the event is gone. Sex should be a ton more special than ice cream and the specialness caused my the rareness of the moment should be amplified a million times. Having nothing at all may be hard, but it makes the time where finally you do get something memorable.

 

I agree with ticklebug, if you keep up this attitude your only going to be hurting your chances with women and a long meaningful relationship. Women, or at least the women who are worth it, want the emotional aspect. You still seem to be caught up on the physical. Look at how many people are trying to dissuade you from this attitude. The fact that your current buddy isn't into it like you are is a sign that it isn't working. But you keep insisting that your correct and even seem to get really defensive about it. When someone argues their point as fiercely as you have, either they are absolutely sure of themselves or they are still trying to convince themselves they are right. In your case, I think it's the latter. None of us can stop you from continuing as your going, but I'll tell you, it's not going to be easy and you'll have a really hard time finding true love.