she is pulling away...please help!

[ocean9]

The girl I've been seeing is pulling away. She doesn't email or call as often, and she has cancelled a couple of dates. The last time I called her, she said she would call me later this week. I'm thinking she'll call by Thursday maybe. Should I give her space, not initiate any contact, and see if she comes around? Shoud I pursue her more? I think I may have been 'too interested' at first, and I may have turned her off a little.

 

 

[ocean9]

I think she might be on the verge of breaking up with me, and I don't want that to happen. Any advice would be great!

[Josh G.]

I dont really know what to do, I just thought I might try and help, if Im wrong somebody else can correct me, If I were you, Id waut a little for her to contact you, and after Awhile, Id call her, and see whats going on.

[ticklebug]

you can't make someone like you if they don't...it is probably best to just get it over with and ask her if there is a problem...and respect it if she has decided that a relationship with you isn't something she wants...esp if you recognize you may have come on a bit too strong at first.

[acts12]

She told you she'd call right? Then wait for her to call. If you call her again not only will it push her away even more, but it will only make you look even more ridiculous. Dont call. Wait for her. If I were you I would back off a little too. Thats the best thing to do if someone is pulling away.

[ocean9]

Thanks people.

 

Ya, I've got to wait for her to call. I have to trust her to do what she says she will do.

 

Do you think it is possible that she is testing me to see what I will do?

[Mentor]

Sorry man, it really sounds like she is breaking up with you. A lot of girls go through this process as they emotionally detach themselves from the relationship. I would prepare yourself for the worst, and whatever you do, don't push her!!! Let her call you. Maybe she does just need some space to work through some other issues in her life or something, but I don't think so. It looks textbook to me.

[ocean9]

Hey Mentor,

 

I have been preparing myself for the worst for the last few days. I'm not going to contact her. It seems pretty textbook to me as well. I know it could be the stress of the holidays, but then again, this is a time when people usually want to be with the people they care about.

 

It's the 'ol actions speak louder than words thing, isn't it?

[Mentor]

You bet.

 

Sorry.

 

My gf did the exact same thing in the weeks before we broke up I did not have the support of this forum, and suspected an affair. That wasn't it, but we still did break up for other reasons.

 

Sorry.

[ocean9]

I don't suspect an affair, but it is possible that she has met another guy. That happens sometimes. We've been seeing each other since the summer.

 

I wish that she would be upfront with me. I can't imagine just pulling away from someone with no explanation. I would NEVER do that to her. It seems really immature to me.

 

When she does call, I plan on listening carefully to what she says. I think I have to guard my heart a little bit now.

 

She never struck me as the 'push/pull' type, so her behavior has me wondering what the heck is going on. She came on really strong at first too. She would email 3 or 4 times a day quite often. It just seems so bizarre.

 

I know I'm over-analyzing the whole thing, but I think I have to prepare myself for anything at this point.

[motopilote]

Hey man, i'm sorry to say, but woman turn off their feelings just like a knob, unlike us, for some reason.

 

I wish that she would be upfront with me. I can't imagine just pulling away from someone with no explanation. I would NEVER do that to her. It seems really immature to me.

 

As for that, and trying to find answers, read my post, and you will find i am still searching. Let me give you a little advice i wish i had before i found this web site--->forget about her, and move on...Yeah i know it's hard, going trough it myself everday, but you have to, just like i tell myself....maybe she will come back, and maybe she wont, (i'm still waiting for mine to, after 3 months), but you c'ant do anything about it, so the sooner you move on, the best for you, and i hate to say it, but who knows what tomorow will bring...

 

 

She never struck me as the 'push/pull' type, so her behavior has me wondering what the heck is going on

 

D'ont try and figure it out, it almost drove me crazy, just have to accept it, and it's very hard to do, but a must

Hang tight, work, friends, ect,ect, and try and forget about her. It seams imposible but in time it seams to get better

[Recovering_Lover]

I agree with everyone who has given you advice so far.

 

1) Don't push her to talk to you or anything like that

 

2) Don't make ultimatums of any kind.

 

3) Don't try to confuse yourself or ponder what she is trying to do or why she is doing this etc....unless she tells you frankly, you will never know, and pondering over it would not give you the right answer.

 

4) Leave her alone, until she is ready to call you.

 

5) If she doesn't call you on that day, just call her and check with her if everything is ok, and hang up if she is not ready to talk .Just let her be.

 

6) YOU, have to get prepared , your state of mind to accept that possiblilty of a break-up. If you prepare yourself, the blow would be much lower than when you're surprised.

 

7) If she does break up with you, see if it possible to sit down and resolve any problems she has with you and therelationship, but if she is not willing to discuss about, then just leave it be, trying to force or anything for that matter, would make matters worse.

 

8) Try to heal yourself, and tell yourself you've done everything you could possiblity do to save the reationship, its up to her now.

 

9) Take good care of your mental and physical needs and try to clear your mind, and don't let boredom occupy your mind with images of what she might be doing.

 

10) Good Luck.

 

R.L.

[Tryingtobestrong]

Dear Ocean,

 

unfortunately I have to agree with everyone and say that it looks like she wants to break up with you.

 

So my advice to you is to not contact her at all, until she contacts you. Then seem happy, busy, not bothered by her lack of contact.

 

If she tells you she wants to break up with you, say something like: 'Oh, really? Why?' Once she gives you her reasons, say something like: 'Okay, I see your point. Well, if you feel this way.'

 

Then walk away, hang up or whatever. If you want her back your not trying to change her mind is going to confuse her and she is going to wonder if she made a mistake.

 

If she then contacts you again, say you are doing fine, but keep the conversation short and polite.

 

If she asks you if you are okay with the breakup, tell her that it is not your ideal solution, but if she feels this way, then it is better to be apart.

 

I think that is the best way for you to get out of this with her wondering, keeping her respect of you and possibly wanting to reconcile.

 

That's just my 2 cent, and I hope you wont need this advice because she will call, tell you that she loves you and you will have great holidays together.

 

All the best