is he obsessed with exes?

[Elliee]

My boyfriend of 3 years has been acting strange lately with his cell phone and going through mine. I got fed up and looked at the message usage on our cell phone bill. I discovered a strange number multiple times a day and night. 30-40 messages a day for 2 months. Thats as far back as they went. When I confronted him, he lied and said it was his accountant. A few minutes later he realized he was busted and confessed it was an ex girlfriend. This is the second time I caught him talking to an ex. THe first was a very explicit conversation that hurt me very badly. It took a long time to get things back to where they were and now a year later I find out about another one. I have only looked into his messages twice, once on the phone when I had good suspicion and then now into the phone records. He goes through my cell all the time and I don't mind...there is nothing to hide.

This ex relationship ended several years ago badly. He told me they were never in a relationship and she just wanted more. It turns out she filed a bond against him and lawyers were involved and he won't explain why. I have no idea what he's up to and would really appreciate opinions. This time I couldn't see what was said between the two, Only that there were numerous texts. If she caused so much trouble for him with lawyers and bonds, why would he want to start talking to her again?

We have 3 children and I thought we had the blended family down pat. He tells me he loves me and is happy with our life. I can't understand why he texts his ex girlfriends and stays in touch with them. If I did that he would be furious!

 

Lost and hurt

[Kendahke]

Unfortunately, it doesn't sound as if he's done with his ex's... and that could wind up being a whole lot of problems if lawyers and sworn bonds were involved in the past.

 

Generally speaking, the best defense is a good offense--hence him going through you phone. Projection is what that's called. He's doing what he's trying to catch you not doing.

 

My advice is to put a lock on your phone and refuse to let him look through it. Doesn't matter if you dont' have anything to hide. That's not the issue. He is not acting trustworthy. He's sniffing in behind his ex's and on that tip, you've got a problem that threatens your blended family.

[Edmund Exley]

How many chances are you going to give him to make a fool out of and hurt you?

[ParisPaulette]

This is strike two, up to you if you want to wait around for a strike three. And I think I'd just go ahead and call the ex gf and ask her what the whole legal case is about--a paternity suit, he got her pregnant or what? Also if it's a legal issue where's his lawyer and why aren't they the ones making the phone calls. When has he had all that time to make these calls anyways? You need to ask these questions of him, and refuse to let up until you get some hard answers since you do have a total right to know about any legal issues given that if you have joint accounts, property and so forth it will be your butt on the hook too if she's suing him over something and she wins. Sorry no. I don't buy it, but if it's a legal matter you need to get involved fast or get all of your money and property put back in your name pronto before the lawyers come knocking down the door.

 

In the even that this is all a gigantic lie however I'm going to tell you to look at the times of the calls/texts--if they're at 3:00 a.m. or hours when he wouldn't normally be consulting with an attorney AND he can't give you any specifics on a lawsuit--then you need to pull your head out of the sand and realize he's having an affair, emotional or worse, with his ex. Again. He likely goes through your phone, because he knows he's a cheat and just assumes you and everyone else are too. And that's really not good, because that signals that he's a serial cheater who in the end doesn't see anything wrong with his behaviors and thinks it's normal to run off to other women behind your back plus have a double standard--i.e. one set of rules for himself and a whole different set for you. But he does know most women wouldn't put up with it, so he hides it because while he may have a morals/ethics problem he ain't totally stupid. Although not thinking you'd look at the phone bill and that you'd buy the lame "legal troubles" song isn't very smart. He just counts on you being dumber than he is and letting him get away with it again since you already did so once.

 

Personally I'd be quietly seeing a lawyer right about now to find out how you can get any property or monies put into your name if you share anything or he has any access and plotting to move him out or move you and your own kids out of there fast. This guy will always cheat on your or place you at legal risk and worse.

[Elliee]

The legal issue between the two had to do with stopping contact. I do not know the particulars of the issue or if it was settled in or out of court. This case was several years ago. I'm getting the impression he needs to feel wanted by his exes. The first time this happened a year ago it was one dirty conversation with the woman he was with before me telling her he had big money now and then the sexting started.

Fast forward to now. This is a different ex. From many years ago. I have no idea what they were talking about in their messages over the last few months but the text messages in numbers from both parties were pretty equal and both initiated contact first thing on different mornings and talked through the day and night.

I'm really surprised that a woman who tried to seek legal action to stop contact with him, would be happy to start up again. I couldn't do something like that!

 

He told me that the conversation they have been having is all business. She thinks he knows the biological parents of a child she wants to foster or has been fostering and is looking for information on the family. I had a foster child in the past and the social workers told me everything they felt I needed to know about the situation. If it is the truth hes telling and this is the case, That is so wrong and the poor child shouldn't be with her. Although, I can't see gossip of that nature going on for

 

The term serial cheater is fascinating. He has made some comments in the past about cheating on girlfriends and he deserves what he gets. I will be looking that term up. He does justify his actions and twists things to suit himself. He makes rules for me and feels he can do the opposite himself. Thanks for that piece of advice.

[Edmund Exley]

The term serial cheater is fascinating. He has made some comments in the past about cheating on girlfriends and he deserves what he gets. I will be looking that term up. He does justify his actions and twists things to suit himself. He makes rules for me and feels he can do the opposite himself. Thanks for that piece of advice.

 

That's one of the many signs of a sociopathic personality.