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On-And-Off troubles


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I've been going out with my girlfriend for 14 months (we are both 20), and we've had a couple of rocky times in the relationship, but we've stuck with it so far. What seems to have been happening recently is that I just don't want to be with her anymore. Sometimes our relationship seems like a lot of work and it just seems like I am not motivated to be a part of it anymore.

 

Granted, i do have a full set of "special" circumstances - my father is dying of cancer, I have a crummy family life, and work plus go to school full time. She has been very supportive of me at these times but sometimes she can be very needy (especially sexually) and it can be downright draining. For instance, today we had sex when we got up, again in the afternoon, and she wanted to do it again tonite. I was just so damn tired from all that + working out that I wasn't really all that interested. I made an effort but finally just gave up... She got all upset and said that she felt like I wasn't interested in her anymore, blah blah. Am I wrong for not telling her up front I don't feel like it? Because it seems to me like I would be doing the same thing - showing disinterest.

 

Another thing is that she is constantly asking me "are you sure you love me" and "tell me how much you love me" ALL THE TIME! It gets annoying because I feel like she has to be constantly re-assured how much I love her and that pisses me off. I feel like she feels I don't care. But I think that I show her a lot that I do! I am always making it a point to be there for her (plus I wait on her hand and foot 99 percent of the time). It just sucks because I feel like all the stuff I do is being ignored.

 

This is my first long-term relationship, so I don't know if this is what a lot of people go through or what. Anything you guys have to say would be great!

 

skybolt_1

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I think you need to talk to her. Tell her what you've told us: She needs to cool it.

 

If she's incompatible with you sexually, that's a legitimate reason why things might not work out. But it seems she may also be selfish (or "needy," as you so diplomatically put it) in other ways as well. It's not all about her, and she needs to understand that.

 

So tell her that what she's doing is pushing you away. Tell her you're telling her this to help the both of you.

 

Unless you know in your heart that it's over anyway, that you've lost interest and nothing she can do will bring it back.

 

Then bow out gracefully, and again, just tell her the truth.

 

I know you won't like to hear this, but you're young and the world is full of new women and new experiences just waiting for you. Learn from this one and enjoy.

 

Good luck,

Rob

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be careful with that, because it sounds to me like she has a low self esteem and has to be validated by sexual acts, otherwise she feels bad about herself. I would bet money that she was sexually abused in some way in her childhood. This always shows up later in life, usually in the sexual arena. She feels worthless, like she is only good for sex, so this is how she can feel better. If she can only be good for sex, she better have sex very frequently or she has no purpose.. This is probably what goes on involuntarily in her head. You need to talk to her about all of this, and find out some things. Be very supportive of her because things like that are very difficult to address. Good luck!

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