Is Love After Divorce Possible?

[Kaylyn Brackin]

Here's my story.

 

I married my high school sweetheart in 2008, roughly a year after I graduated. In total, we were together eight years. About a year and a half after we married, we welcomed a beautiful daughter into the world. Trust never seemed to be an issue with us; however, one afternoon one comment was made that forced me to question my trust with him. It came out nowhere, the words are still deeply embedded in my brain. He said, "If you ever cheated on me, I just don't think I could leave you."

 

My first reaction was disbelief, I mean, who says that?! In the midst of all of this, he had been talking an awful lot about a nurse who worked with him. To make a long story short, he left me. We went through a lengthy separation, we were on again and off again (in part due to me being in denial and not wanting to let go). When things finally ended, about two weeks later this nurse was also getting a divorce. Shortly after that, she moved in with him.

 

Yes, I know this sort of thing happens all the time these days. Some things that make this a little unique is the fact that shortly after moving in, my daughter starts referring to this new woman as "mama". I am a great mother to my daughter, I have primary custody of her, I provide for her, I do all the things a real mother should do. Now, this woman that ruined my marriage is trying to take credit for my child too? It gets worse. In May of last year, they marry. A month or two later, she's pregnant. In July of last year, I was served with papers with them seeking full custody of my daughter. I am a struggling single-mom. They both have substantial incomes; however, what the case has boiled down to is them not wanting to pay child support. We are still going back and forth, counter offer after counter offer, to get this resolved.

 

As you can see, I have been deeply impacted from these events. I have dated several people hoping to have that same feeling or something greater than I had with my ex. I haven't had problems getting dates and people seem to genuinely like me. I have let go of good guys because I don't want to string them along if nothing is there for me. I am also an introvert and I like time to myself. I'm only 25 years old, managing a full-time job and pursuing my business degree part-time. I don't have much time for dating and very little patience for someone that wants to see me every chance they get. I have recently been overcome with this feeling of hopelessness, thinking I will never be able to love someone as unconditionally as I did my ex. Also, being a single- mom, there is added stress because you have to put your other priorities first. My ex was no saint, he emotionally abused me throughout our relationship, but I accepted every flaw. Seeing as though he was my first boyfriend, I didn't have anyone else to compare him to, to know I was done wrong the entire time.

 

My question is, is it possible to love as much or even more if there even is a next time? It's been two years now and it isn't seeming possible. Thanks for your help!

[Seraphim]

Yes, yes it is. My mother married twice after divorcing my dad. My dad was her childhood sweetheart. They met at 15 years old.

[Moontiger]

It is. My mother has been married three times. For her, it really was third times the charm. When she married my dad she was a single mom with two kids. They have been together for 28 years now.

 

I know your busy but I think it would be helpful to go see a therapist (best thing I EVER did) because I think your still carrying some resentment about this (completely understandable) that it would be healthy for you to work through. For example, being able to accept that your daughter has a step-mother that she gets along with. This is a sore spot for you I think (again, can't say I blame you!) but it is what it is. And carrying around any negative emotions will only bring you down.

 

So, that is my suggestion. I've also heard of a book that may help you: link removed

[wilyone 11]

Yes, it definitely is. You will love again without a doubt. But it may take several years. You will need to heal from what you've been through which sounds like it was pretty traumatic. It will take a lot of work but it will make you so strong in the long run. The new age community says that everything happens for your higher good and nothing leaves your life unless something better is coming. I pray that is true for you. You deserve a lot of happiness.

 

Also, I hope you can find a way to forgive him, because without forgiveness you will spend your life feeling very bitter and attracting more negativity (like attracts like). I'm not saying you should believe this, but it's possible that this woman is his primary soulmate, the one he was predestined to be with, and therefore the universe arranged things for them to be together.

[CynthiaV]

It is possible. First you need to forgive him and move on. If the step mother is active in your child's life and loves and cares for her you need to be thankful. My ex husbands wife does not want him to have anything to do with our children. I would feel blessed to have a loving and caring step mother to our children. It seems as if you may have some jealousy issues also dealing with this new woman in their life. Move on and start acting mature about the issues at hand. Its over with your ex and he has moved on so just accept it. It will all work out in the end, plus you said he done you wrong the entire marriage, be thankful.