Very confused...

[Naya2279]

Ok, well, I've made some posts on here, but I don't know who all has read them so I'll go over what's happened.

 

I was dating this guy for 2 years and his ex called this summer. (he left her when she joined the navy 5 years ago...couldn't do the long distance thing) I thought it was a catch up call and so on because it sounded that way when they were talking. Well, it turns out they must have been talking more than that because over Thanksgiving week he went to see her (miles and miles away). He lied and told me he was going on a hunting trip. Anyways, he told me that he wants to settle down and ever since she called he had been wondering what would have happened if he hadn't broken it up.

 

Well, I flipped out and so on--exactly what I should have done. We didn't talk for a few weeks. Well, I saw that he was calling the other day and I picked it up. He said that he messed up and that he shouldn't have gone. Well, yeah, I knew that. When i talked to him before I started the NC he just didn't seem like the same person anymore.

 

Well, he wants to get together sometime. She was supposed to come visit him the end of this month, but he told her not to come. I just don't know what to do. I am so mean everytime he calls because he made me sooo mad and hurt me soo much. But I guess what kept me going was knowing he was gonna call and tell me that he made a mistake. And he finally did. Now I don't know what to do.

 

I don't wanna pretend everything is fine because it's not. But I do miss him like crazy. He wanted me to go to his work christmas party tonight, but I told him no. He called me on his way back and told me that it wasn't very much fun because I wasn't there. Maybe he just knows what I want to hear.

 

Everything is so confusing. A month ago everything was normal. I'm over the whole crying thing and what not's but I don't wanna get hurt again. I always thought he was the one. Everyone always told me they knew he was the one for me. I dunno now. Everything's all messed up.

 

Any advice?

[kalshane]

I can understand why you feel the way you do. Your trust was violated. He didn't have to lie. He didn't have to go see her. I'd probably be feeling the exact same way. You can do one of 3 things: You can take him back and do your best to forget and forgive( which would be easier said than done), you can take him back, but on probation, until you feel that he's earned your trust and you have forgiven, or you can just dump him. I'd probably dump any girl that would do that to me because I don't see myself in "tainted" relationships. I tend to hold grudges.

[Naya2279]

Oh I hold grudges, too. I've been nothing but mean to him the past few weeks. No matter how many times I've hung up on him, etc even after weeks of NC and he still calls back.

[DragonGirl724]

this happened to a friend of mine he told her he was goin to NYC to do something, i forget now what he said, but he ended up goin to see his ex-gf! she was pissssssssssssed but he said nothing happened & he did it to make sure his feelings are gone completely...i dont know how i would handle it but she after a short while forgave him, tho it still urked her mind a lot of times in the future down the line. but they stayed together in the long run, then they broke up, & i think theyre back together. they make me sick in so many ways, there relationship is rediculous. i wouldnt trust him as far as i could throw him for that reason as well as others. but thats just me. she trusts him again..& well theyre still together...i think.

 

dunno if this helped at all. lol.

 

but id be pissed as hell if i was you!!! i dont hold grudges but if i were you, hed have to work for me BIG TIME AFTER PULLING SOME CRAP LIKE THIS!!!

 

-DG724

[kalshane]

I find it hard to forget wrongs like trust violations. I can forgive, but since I can't forget I can never let someone back into my heart. Maybe its a personality flaw. No one is perfect and people make mistakes, but its only certain kinds that I can't tolerate. When someone cheats, or does something to put my life in danger are pretty much deal breakers for sure!

[DragonGirl724]

i dont think its a bad thing that you cant forget kalshane. i think its a survival method. itll prvent future pain initiated from the same source. like in nature. an animal may go up to a cactus & take a bite, get hurt & never trust those big green things again. lol

 

-DG724

[kalshane]

Its just that I've seen what that kind of thing does in some of my friends' relationships. It always seems to come back up when times aren't going so well. The trust is never the same and they're always snooping on each other. I can be the best snoop in the world if someone violates my trust, but I prefer to not live like that especially with someone I'm supposed to love.

[DragonGirl724]

agreed.

 

a true, healthy relationship is based on trust. if that foundation is broken or tainted with, its like patching the holes of a sinking ship...

 

-DG724

[Naya2279]

I had a feeling something was going on and I questioned him constantly. He told me not to worry and stuff. I was there that morning with him when he left. I went up to his parents house on Thanksgiving, too. He told me, too. My parents were out of town.

 

I'm afraid that when I meet a new guy he's gonna think i'm questioning too much because I won't have the trust that I once had. I know that they won't be him, but still. He reassured me. I should have trusted my gut.

[kalshane]

I think you must believe that you are invincible, and that we must surrender. When we are ready for that, the right person will come.

 

 

At least I think so... but who knows...I mean for sure.

[Naya2279]

You think I think I'm invincible? Or am I taking it the wrong way?

 

I am far from invincible...