my boyfriend watches sex on the internet

[Steffie]

my boyfriend watches sex on the internet and i can't deal with that because i'm to jealous.

when he told me he's sometimes watching naked woman on the internet while masturbating i really feel bad.

i told him i don't like him doing that because it feels me very uncertain and inferior.

he told me it's different, it is his fantasy,and in his fantasy he doesn't always think on me, he likes fantasy about other naked woman and he likes brests.

but he also told me to stop with it when it makes me feel unconfortable.

but how can i be sure about that?

he says he still is watching naked woman when he sees it 'by accident'.

and the worst thing had to disappoint me but i'm not the only one he gets excited from.

since than i don't like to have sex with him anymore but what happens if i continue refusing him?

i feel like i'm not the only one for him and i'm not sexually attractive to him and when we have sex he's only doing it for the sex, not because of me.

what do i have to do?

 

a very jealous girl

[Prosper]

Hi Pal,

I dun see the point u have to be troubled or jealous at this. Lolx! I see guys like that as well trying to improve their bed skills for themselves haha! And dun worry he isnt that good as yet. Haha!

 

Of coz u dun like sex like that with a guy. Haha! And i dun see the point u need to have sex with him, as he dun appreciate u, in which u really wan to. If he is always after u for sex, what about breaking up with him? lolx

[titan]

Persoanlly i don't understand why you are Jeolous, there are always going to be times in a relationship where you are unavaliable and he has certain needs. It has nothing to do with you or how he feels about you.

 

 

He probably has been doing this for years and its hard to break out of routine.

 

I'm sure he finds you attractive and loves having sex with you for you.

[geo_jane]

O.k,

from what I understand, a man watching porn has nothing to do with his feelings for his girlfriend. It does not mean he is not satisfied with you or that he thinks you are less attractive then the girls he looks at.

 

I wish I could explain why they do it, I can't as I don't fully understand the male brain. Hopefully a guy reading this thread will be able to shed some light on that.

 

I don't want to tell you how to feel, but there is no reason to feel inferior or less attractive than the girls in the porn. Although, this has clearly upset you and if you don't like it you have every right to voice your opinion to your boyfriend. He obviously cares about your feelings as he has made an effort to stop so respect that. As for you feeling that he is only having sex with you for the sake of having sex, have you told him about that? I don't know but maybe your not seeing the forest for the trees, you are having such a hard time getting over the whole porn thing that you can't see your boyfriends true feelings. Talk to him some more. Be very honest, tell him what you need from him and listen very carefully and see what he says. Maybe your insecurity is well founded, maybe not.

 

Well, as ambiguous as my reply is, there it is, hope it helps in some minor way at least.

[kalshane]

How can you be jealous of girls he won't possibly ever meet? How can you deny your boyfriend of what he does to get off? You mean to say, that you've never fantasized about any one else other than your boyfriend? I doubt that. Look, guys watch porn. Always have, always will. The thing is that it can never compare to your girlfriend. Now, if he refuses to have sex with you, only to go masturbate on the internet, THEN, you have a problem. Refusing to have sex with him will only drive him to do it more. Try giving him a few experiences that he will truly remember. My question is: is this the only thing he does that makes you jealous?

[atlas]

Its not you-has nothing to do with you. You have to have faith that he loves you and has picked you to be with. If you were to see a decreased sexuality with regard to you, on his part, then there might be cause for alarm. As it is he is like 80% of guys in that he likes to see naked girls. If he is spending hours upon hours doing this you should take a closer look but as a matter of fact, most guys look at porn because they like it. At the core men and women are different and, unless your morals dicate that it is a negative thing, you might just want to push it off to "guys will be guys".

Now, sensitivity to how you are feeling is different. It sounds like the expression of your dismay had led him to curb or stop it. That's good. Focus on the fact that is something apart from you that he does and find comfort in the fact that he is respecting you by curbing it.

[VitaminS]

the first couple of posts made my head spin..... this is not healthy to be jealous over. voyeurism is normal you just need to incorporate yourself into his "fantasy". there is nothing wrong with that. but before all of that... how old are you guys? should you even be having sex? aren't there things you have to concentrate on rather than obsessing about pre-marital sex?? seems to me like this may be an avenue that is only going to get you into trouble. don't mean to condescend, just saying that it appears that your head is not in the right place.

[dreamweaverdude]

Well i am not going to sit here and justify his actions. Are they normal? YES.. does it necessarily make it right....... not really... Guys ARE more visual and will neer turn down an opportunity to see a woman nude, for the most part.

 

Should you think less of yourself because of it? Definitely not. Should you be jealous... not really.. point made earlier is he will never meet these women.....

 

Does it mean he thinks you are not enough? No not really, it possibliy could be that his drive is very high and he doens't want to bother you. Many will tell you to take it personal, DON'T.

 

Is it a problem? It can be. if he starts to withdraw from you or asking you to things he's seen you are not comfortable with it definitely could cause problems?

 

Personally you might take advantage of it.... and tell him you want to see what turnshim on... you might learn alot about who he is and what turns him on. If you really want to know, be aware you might learn something you dont' want to know. And don't be alarmed if you find he is looking or watching something YOU ARE NOT.

 

I will say this... once a man starts viewing this online.. it is very difficult to stop. If it bothers you and want him to stop for you.. work with him and dont be too critical if it reoccurs. Think of it like if you wanted him to stop smoking.. most can't stop cold-turkey.

 

Your understanding in this will make it easier for him to change if he desires to.

 

For what it is worth

[Day_Walker]

I dont agree with your reasoning for not having sex with him anymore. When a guy isnt having sex he is more likely to seek it out from another source, realize that is the risk you are taking. Its not a big deal to look at naked pictures on the internet. I believe that you are the one with the problem, for whatever reason you feel inferior and thats the issue you need to confront. You need to work this out and come to the realization that your bf and men in particular are going to do things similarl to this. You can either deal with it or live in a dream world where it doesnt happen.

[Raspberry]

Have you ever watched Seinfeld, particularly The Contest episode? In that episode, the four main characters (Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer) have this contest where they see who can last the longest without masturbating (or having sex).

 

Jerry makes a certain remark in which he says that masturbation for a male is like a bodily function, like going to the toilet. I think that is very true, at least for most men that have started masturbating.

 

I believe, Steffie, that you should not worry about the fact that your boyfriend masturbates. It is something that he has always done and is very normal, done without thinking twice, even if having any sort of sex. The pornography he consumes is merely what he uses to help him in this personal process.

 

What I would worry about, though, is if he withdraws his sexuality with you, either fully or by a substantial amount, as a previous poster mentioned. Also, worry if your general relationship with him stops going so well and starts deteriorating.

 

There is no need for jealously. As yet another poster mentioned, take advantage of masturbation by introducing it into your own sex lives, if you want, which could possibly add excitement to it.

[11flower]

I tend to agree with VitaminS about your age and sex. Most people that age believe they're doing what is normal. Sex is. But at your age, why not wait and give it to the one you love and are committed to.

 

Another thing is that if he is addicted to porn, nothing in this world can change that even when or if he were married. That's a sex addiction.

He would masturbate without the porn anyway. But again what's concerning is the porn watching that becomes an addiction that continues throughout his life. And for some people it has caused many a problem in other areas of their lives.

 

If sex is for pleasure at the right time in life with the right person in your life, that's one thing.

 

If it's an addiction, that's totally another thing.

 

11Flower

[nedyak]

I think the last post was a great one! I feel the same way about porn. If your b/f is affecting you by doing it he should at least make a real effort to stop! I hate that my b/f looks at porn- in fact we have had a few arguments about it in the past few days. It makes me feel as though I need to have a perfect body so he will only look at me. It almost makes me disgusted with him that he is doing it. And the saddest part is.. if I try and think of other guys... I honestly can't. i only think of him. He knows how i feel about the porn thing and I wish he would truly stop. I know the feeling!!!!!!!!

[Luciana]

Kalshane, don't try to defend bad habits.

 

NICE GUYS who respect their GF's will try NOT to watch P, even if they feel like it.

 

Having your man jerking off to some perfect looking woman and wanting to have HER is a MAJOR turn off to most women. It just KILLS your attraction to him. HE will seem repulsive to you. That's why Steffie said she doens't want to make love to him anymore.

 

Remember that young guys: watching P against your GF's wishes (some women are in favor of it, but that's when they are not so in love with the guy anymore) will make you LESS desirable for her.

[Luciana]

Neydak, thanks.

 

I just feel sorry for all young women who have been "pushed" to believe it is all right for the BF's to do whatever bothers them. This "boys will be boys' mentality. Yes, boys want to play sports, boys want to talk to their buddies, boys love car shows and techie toys...

But boys should respect who they are with. Like I said, if your GF also likes P, then everything is ok. If she doesn't and you want to preserve the relationship, you should control yourself. Masturbate without the P.

 

I also don't want to feel I have to starve myself to death and have huge silicone implants just to competer with those women.

 

So all these people who say to you" "P is normal", "it is ok for him to do it" and "you shouldn't feel jealous" are just making excuses so that men can do whatever they want.

[nedyak]

EXACTLY! It makes me sick to my stomach to think about my guy gettin of from lookin at other girls. I want so bad to have a perfect body and huge titties. When i have talked to him today I feel like he is a different person. Guys may not realize it but girls if they truly are totally in love with their b/f ARE NOT COMFORTABLE with thier men gettin off to another woman even if it "is a picture." It pisses us off and the sad thing is I feel the same way about the poster of this thread. It makes me not want to have sex with him. Yes he may still look at porn but hey he would miss the P*ssy. I almost feel disgusted with myself as well for letting him view other girls and then have me too. So what maybe I am a little bit too jelous. But that is the way I feel and if he will not compromise with me than so be it. Its better to find out in the short run how he will react to your requests than in the long run after investing years with him. If he doesn't respect your wishes now by not watching or viewing porn, hes not gonna respect your wishes later on. It may be a hard REALITY CHECK but better the lesson is learned. I feel if a guy wants to be with me and stay with me he has got to earn it because god knows I keep up my half of the deal- earning him to be in my life which basically entails and all goes back to RESPECT. If you havn't figured it out yet respect is a big thing that I need to give and receive. I think I should make a remake of A "modest proposal" and cut out all men's eyes. Hahaha (just kidding guys)[/u]

[Luciana]

I read BEC saying in another thread that he tries not to check other women in front of his GF. He still does it, but not in front of her. That is respect.

Maybe your BF can restrict his viewing of it's impossible for him to eliminate it. Or maybe he needs to get busy with other things. People who are busy with studying or work or hobbies don't get addicted to P. Tell him to go play soccer instead!

[Tombo123]

I would agree to one of the first replies.. he's probably doing it for practice! What would happen if he didn't practice at all!? He wouldn't be good in bed!

It's good to practice (even I do it, and i'm a virgin, but I'm sure within the next year that I'm going to have sex), so don't be jealous-he's doing it for a good cause!