How Do You Stop Yourself From Snooping?

[WeeToad]

You have to prioritise the respect you have for him, and put it above needing to snoop. Respecting him includes respecting his privacy. You may feel that you have some kind of right to his privacy, but you don't. The only access you are entitled to is the access he chooses to give you in conversation.

Is your respect for him strong enough to overcome the urge to snoop? Perhaps if you still feel entitled to his phone, you don't respect him as much as you think you do.

 

I don't feel entitled to his phone. I fear this thread has gone awry. I have never snooped and know that snooping is wrong and don't want to snoop. I'm just very insecure and thus feel very tempted, and I trying to work through those feelings and man-up and talk to him about why I feel insecure, instead of playing crazed detective. But your point does hit home with me. I want him to respect me and be honest with me, and I have to maintain my respect for him in order to expect his respect for me.

[poetryandlyrics]

You got to be careful with this. Perhaps this is the baggage you still haven't solve, and I agree with the others -- therapy sounds like a good choice to do. If there are problems in the relationship, just straight up ask him. It's that simple. Not assuming, worrying, wondering, etc.

 

My ex snooped in my phone, thinking I cheated. All I did was to talk to a guy about school things, no way in any relation in any form at all. Very platonic. Basic. I wasn't even attracted to him anyway, on all forms of it. He has issues of his own ex, cheating on him with a guy, and then ending up being a lesbian, and those issues he was putting on me. Even thought I might swing the other way. Jesus. Issues. And honestly, it is way more simpler to just ask about why the relationship is being less affectionate, and you could then guage the truthfulness of that, it's easier.

[journeynow]

But when he got his new phone, he put a password on it, and it made me feel CRAZY. I've been trying to just stuff these feelings down and away, because I have no idea how to 'process' them and make them actually go away.

 

Maybe stuffing the feelings, or repressing them, is NOT what you need, but instead you need to look at them. Or rather, what is behind them and what does that tell you about the situation.

 

Maybe this relationship isn't for you? You mention there being intimacy issues, which may be the information you need that this isn't the one for you.

 

or

 

Maybe your intuition is telling you something, and that is worth trusting? If you really don't trust him, don't stay with him. Why put yourself through that?

 

or

 

If you have baggage/insecurities stemming from a past relationship, then you should heal those before entering a new relationship, and don't belong in this one. Otherwise, you bring or create issues in the new relationship. Wait, heal, so you can start a healthy relationship from the get-go. Being healed, you might be attracted to, and attractive to, a person who is a better partner for you in the long run.

 

or

 

Maybe these feelings are HOW you process them. Maybe you ride them through, see them for what they are (oh, the old me, reacting as if he were the old ex...been there, done that, don't need to do it again), and develop coping tools, which will be useful to have in life anyway. Run, meditate, make art, play with a pet, have coffee with a friend, take a hot bath, sing...there a million things to do in this moment, and only one of them is snooping. Choose something else.

[charity]

hi, i can relate to what you are feeling. its not nice is it..... nervous, jittery, suspicious.

 

first of all i realize that I only do this when i stay in relationships that FUEL my insecurities.

 

second, once you give in to it the first time, its gets easier and easier to do it until you barely give it a second thought.... like someone said you actually begin to feel you have a RIGHT to their privacy!

 

third... i've gotten caught snooping in the past... and its shameful.

 

lastly.... find something to say to yourself when you are tempted to do it. i say ''behave with integrity''. REALIZE that snooping FEEDS the insecurity, doesn't cure it.

 

AND OF COURSE... you need to communicate your worries to your boyfriend about the lack of intimacy.

[lorraine1378]

I have had problems with snooping on my boyfriend in the past. Recently, after reading a bunch of different posts on this site, I realized that I had to stop. I was hurting myself unnecessarily by snooping. I had never found anything incriminating (no signs of cheating whatsoever) but I would sometimes find little things that would make me wonder and worry and just make me really sad in general. It wasn't worth it. I also came to realize that even if I did find something (which I haven't, in my past 2 years of snooping) that would give me reason to leave him, I couldn't do it.

 

So I realized, why should I keep snooping if all it's doing it hurting myself, and in turn, invading his privacy for no real reason?

 

This realization has helped me stop snooping (cell phone and facebook) for a month now i know it doesn't sound like a long time, but it's the longest i have ever gone. And I very rarely find myself wanting to snoop, and when i do, i just remember the pain I experienced for no real reason. I also remind myself of how amazing my boyfriend is to me, and that i've never found anything bad on there, and should be happy. This helps me stop; realizing what i have and how i should be appreciating it rather than trying to find ways to end it.