Slow Club Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 This girl says she likes me to but is scared to commit to a relationship. I told her we don't even have to call it that, labels are meaningless anyway. But she's still scared to take the leap. How should I try and make her feel more comfortable? Link to comment
Furbys Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 If she does not want a relationship then there is nothing you can do. You need to look elsewhere, there are plenty of other women who would not hesitate to be in a relationship. Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 Just continue to make her happy, thats really all you can do. I was in your shoes once until it got annoying and i stopped talking to her. She ended up crying for me back. I dont recommend this, but i have always thought, i didnt break your trust - so i shouldnt pay for it - and you shouldnt bunch me in with every other guy you have had, thats demeaning to me and the time we spend together. Link to comment
Slow Club Posted March 7, 2014 Author Share Posted March 7, 2014 Yeah, people always say it isn't wise to chase someone who has commitment issues. But I'm willing to be her friend and wait for her. I just hope I don't have to wait too long. Link to comment
poetryandlyrics Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 Why not be her friend and date other people too. If she really does want you, maybe that will snap her out of it. If not, oh well, you get to date other women. Link to comment
Slow Club Posted March 10, 2014 Author Share Posted March 10, 2014 Because I like her and this isn't the kind of tactic that would work on this girl. Otherwise I probably would have done just this. Perhaps I'll just wait. Link to comment
pointfive Posted March 15, 2014 Share Posted March 15, 2014 I was in a similar situation once. A friend of mine and I had been talking for about four months and we both really enjoyed each other's company and conversations. However when we both admitted to having feelings for each other, I always felt there was something off. I thought that because he said he liked me as well, it would just naturally progress into a relationship. He was never my boyfriend, I was never his girlfriend, but sometimes we'd treat each other that way. After a while he began to become distant and I'd try to ask him about it, but he'd always shrug it off saying he was busy with school and work. After 1.5 years, I had enough. We were "friends" but acted like a couple. I felt like it wasn't enough and I didn't want to stick around anymore, so things ended. At first I was fine without a label because I thought things would progress, but I should've stopped when I knew something was off. My advice is don't torture yourself. You can be friends, but that's it. Don't do anything romantic, don't profess your feelings, don't expect anything, and date other people. It seems like a good idea now but you'll be hurt in the end when you've invested more than she does and you'll get crushed when she says there was never anything in the first place Link to comment
Roxie84 Posted March 15, 2014 Share Posted March 15, 2014 If she is scared to commit, I wouldn't tell her that labels are meaningless, For myself, when I date someone who I really like, the last thing I want to hear is "let's not go putting labels on it." When a man says this to me, my impression is that I am just "Mrs. Right NOW" to him. Why are we afraid of commitment? We don't want to get hurt. Thus, I would focus on giving her reassurance that you are serious about her - not the opposite. Good luck to you! Link to comment
Slow Club Posted March 15, 2014 Author Share Posted March 15, 2014 If she is scared to commit, I wouldn't tell her that labels are meaningless, For myself, when I date someone who I really like, the last thing I want to hear is "let's not go putting labels on it." When a man says this to me, my impression is that I am just "Mrs. Right NOW" to him. Why are we afraid of commitment? We don't want to get hurt. Thus, I would focus on giving her reassurance that you are serious about her - not the opposite. Good luck to you! Yeah, I can sympathise with that point. However, she doesn't want necessarily want serious. She doesn't really like pressure and a serious relationship can be quite a lot of pressure. I think I'm just gonna take things really slowly with her. Link to comment
lostgirl123 Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 this is like a gamble for you if you decide to stay and take things slowly. sometimes when people say they don't want a serious relationship right now what they're really trying to say is that they don't want a relationship with you. Link to comment
Slow Club Posted March 23, 2014 Author Share Posted March 23, 2014 Well, she hasn't actually said that. She's not sure what she wants. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Anything other than "yes" is a no. I am not sure. I don't want a commitment. Let's be friends. I've been hurt. I'm not ready. They all mean...."not you". Link to comment
Slow Club Posted March 24, 2014 Author Share Posted March 24, 2014 There's always so many negative comments here that I can imagine really put people down. Some people are able to say what they mean. Meaning is subjective and to say that those phrases always mean "not you" is delusional. Quite frankly, it makes you sound bitter. (can't believe I just replied...must be bored) Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 Just because you are in denial does not make me bitter! Lol. Link to comment
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