Changed Memories After Breakup?

[vidiveritas]

We broke up shortly after he came home one day, very late and drunk, for the first time ever, telling me that he is probably going to cheat on me. For the longest time, he'd tell me tales of a female artist friend at work - and I suggested to him the possibility that he has a secret crush on her, and that, from her flustered actions, she him, but he would always deny it. But, apparently, it was so repressed in him, that maybe he was in love with her the whole time.

 

After breaking up (and during?), his memories of the same events we shared changed.

 

And the defining memories of our relationship - the beginning and the end - are different for him.

 

A really beautiful memory in the beginning of our love - where I thought we transferred a shared emotion of infinite possibilities... I was in love, and tried something daring. At the time, he was simply afraid I'd get caught, but I didn't, and that even if caught, it would only be a discussion. He would later claim it was selfish.

 

He would claim that during the relationship, he was too weak to tell me, that he was in love - or wanted to be in love. And these have become the defining reasons for why he claims that we have different values, even that these things were not how he was raised. He would also say that I am not able to understand his view.

[Xylitol]

Do you have the idea that you were an open person during the relationship, was he afraid of punishment if he would say something to you? I feel very sorry that you had to go through this though, i think its better on long term , because he couldn't be true to you. And you deserve someone who thinks you are nr.1.

[CeeLambrini]

Your memories are yours and no one can take them from you. It is not healthy to dwell on what his memories are. However good the memories are to you, that man was a different person. He was not the person he turned out to be and perhaps that is why his memories do not match yours. Coming home drunk and claiming he will cheat on you is not a man in love, but a man who wants to be free from the relationship.