Ex's birthday today. Feeling low. Advice please.

[pebbles111]

The man I was seeing's birthday is today. We broke up on Monday, his decision not mine (his ex contacted him to get back with him). Though it's for the best, and I've been coping quite well this week mainly because I've had the structure of work to prop me up, I'm finding it hard today (Saturday) which is also his birthday. He had invited me out to celebrate, and he is now I assume with her... On Monday when he dropped me, I was online looking for a birthday present for him. It completely blindsided me.

 

I had resolved to take it easy this weekend. Not do much, need to feel what I need to feel which I can't really while at work. It's been NC for 3 days, and I was going to maintain it for the foreseeable future. I thought I was doing ok, but now feeling low and very tired. Keep thinking about the different scenarios if I did text him 'happy birthday', which I know I don't 'owe' him at all, just feeling a bit lost and dejected.

 

Any new perspectives or ideas on how to get through this would be appreciated.

[Lucha]

Well it depends, if you feel strong enough to not expect any reply or maybe just a shallow 'thanks', then you might as well send him happy bday. But if you are expecting other scenario's, it's probably better you stick to NC. Bc all the other scenario's are not likely to happen so you may end up being dissapointed. Remember, when he WANTS to be with you he'll find a way to contact you. He chose to break up and run back to his ex, then you don't owe him anything but you know that already. Keep busy and be kind to yourself. Today will pass and tomorrow is just a regular non-bday day for the both of you.

[savignon]

I agree with consider the responses/lack of response prior to making a decision. If you need to keep busy a la workday, go walk around the mall, see a movie, watch an OnDemand series all day, read a book...anything to get to tomorrow, which is a non-birthday day, as Lucha said

Hang in there!

[sharky988]

He dropped you for his ex.... you don't need to send him a "happy birthday" message.

 

Try and find nice things to do for yourself today, see friends if you can or do something special to pamper yourself. There are going to be many times in the coming weeks where you're tempted to break No Contact and text him..... but it's never a good idea, ever.

 

Birthdays.... Christmas.... New Year's.... Valentine's Day.... weddings... graduations.... lost your job.... got a promotion.... broke your leg.... bought a new car..... ran into an old friend.... moved to a new place.... started seeing someone else.... the list goes on and on for all the life events you DON'T need to contact your ex about!

[pebbles111]

Ok, I did it. Thanks for the advice everyone. I weighed up everything, what I hope to achieve, in the short and long term. I don't want to get back with him, he is nice but very flakey, and I'm not willing to put myself through this again. Long term we live in the same area, know alot of the same people, and (selfishly maybe) he is a 'useful' person to know - he offered to do more DIY on my house for example when he broke up with me, and while that is no way happening soon as far as I'm concerned, in a few weeks/months it could be handy! So on balance right now, I'm not burning all bridges.

 

I thought of all the scenarios: no reply, 'thanks' etc. I did not expect nor wanted a conversation. The worst scenario I decided would be something condescending like 'hope all is well'. Anyway this is what I got:

 

Me: Happy birthday.

Him 2 mins later: Thank you and have a good weekend.

 

Thoughts anyone?!

[sharky988]

Wow. Please just delete his number so you're not tempted to do something like that again.

[pebbles111]

I know how it sounds sharky, I can only put the bare bones on here, but we were only seeing each other for about 2 weeks. I liked him, he pursued me, but this isn't a major relationship. I have no intention of contacting him again for a long time. Unfriended on fb 4 days ago, number now deleted on my phone.

[sharky988]

Unfriending.... deleting on your phone.... does NOTHING to stop him from contacting you.

 

Just giving you a reality check, here. If you're serious about healing, you'll be blocking him everywhere and putting the focus on YOU. Not him, his skanky ex, and his birthday with her.

[pebbles111]

Unfriending.... deleting on your phone.... does NOTHING to stop him from contacting you.

 

Just giving you a reality check, here. If you're serious about healing, you'll be blocking him everywhere and putting the focus on YOU. Not him, his skanky ex, and his birthday with her.

 

Thanks for the reality check. It's an unusual, down day today, first time to myself since the split and also happens to be his bday. Tomorrow is another day - a day out, totally me and unconnected with any of this.

[pebbles111]

Oh no. Here comes the s**t feeling again.

[Lucha]

Can you try not to think about him for today? Maybe you could take a bath, watch a movie, call a friend,..?

[sharky988]

Here's a guide that will help you: link removed

[pebbles111]

Can you try not to think about him for today? Maybe you could take a bath, watch a movie, call a friend,..?

 

Thanks Lucha. Yeah just called a friend, but she's working. Just started to watch a film 'swingers', recommended on here(!) A bad patch I know and I will be ok. We all will eventually. Do you think the text was a bad move incidentally??

[Lucha]

Swingers is a great movie, It even made me laugh a little when all I was doing for weeks was crying and be depressed. I don't think it was a bad move to send a text, as I know it is something which you would otherwise regret maybe, not sending it. So now you did, you got a rather dissapointing response, but you can't blame yourself for trying. You'll go full NC when you have had enough of this 'friendlike' communication with him.

[pebbles111]

Thanks alot, I'll def give it a read.

[sharky988]

Swingers is a fun movie, and nice for people going through a breakup.

 

However, contacting your ex is NEVER a good thing.... especially when they're already with someone else.

 

So... stay strong, stay beautiful, try to enjoy the rest of your day.... but NO, don't ever contact him again, no good will come of it.

[pebbles111]

Swingers is a great movie, It even made me laugh a little when all I was doing for weeks was crying and be depressed. I don't think it was a bad move to send a text, as I know it is something which you would otherwise regret maybe, not sending it. So now you did, you got a rather dissapointing response, but you can't blame yourself for trying. You'll go full NC when you have had enough of this 'friendlike' communication with him.

I think you're right, I would've regretted it in a way. I half-expected no reply, or what I got, ie. Civil. Swingers got me hooked already! Cooking some nice food too. Just a bum evening. They'll be better ones ahead