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i have an obsession with my ex-boyfriend help?


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At first he was so sweet and nice to me then i lost my virginity to him and after that we started argueing alot about other girls on his snapchat etc, and he said ive started to become obsessive and a paranoid reck and its so unattractive because i started asking him questions everyday and its like he cant have a convo with me anymore, i slept with him alot of times he wasnt really used to sex before me because he slept with 3 people only a couple of times and we must of slept together over 100 times but it makes me feel physically sick now he knows alot more stuff and how to do things properly sexually because of me we broke up in november he finished me then started crying and put on an act which i fell for stupidly and we carried on seeing eachother and sleeping together then on december 17th he told me he loved me for the first time then blanked me for a week after. Then i didnt see him till january 7th and he was so much more cold with me i asked him in an argument over text if he even did love me and he said he wouldnt of said it if he didnt mean it this was before he came down a few days before. then 2 days after a girl he said he was speaking to but has stopped became his second snapchat friend and i went mad calling him all sorts saying i cant believe he touched me and i cant believe i lost my virginity to him and everything then i messaged the girl basically warning her saying hes been ******* me around for over 5 months and not to let him do that to her he then messaged me saying 'f*ck off you f*cking weird physco sly little b*tch' then decided to block me off everything facebook snapchat, unfollowed me on instagram and blocked my number, a few days later i thought i had a miscarriage so i text him off another number and he text my phone back basically saying hes not coming seeing me ever again and theres nothing he can do about it. so i travelled all the way up to his area that i havent been to before and found his street that took me around 3 hours he saw me pulled his face and let me in the car and i said i deserved more then a phonecall after everything thats happened and he started saying how its like a stalker how i came all the way down here and found out where he lived and went to the gym where i waited for him for 2 hours. he then went what do you want so i basically told him how i felt about everything thats happened and he was like you want the truth you deserve that atleast i dont care about you atall shouldnt of lied to you and led you on move on i have its just the way i am i get bored! Thats what he actually said to me and started saying hes really sorry and dropped me off at the trainstation and said just because one person doesnt care doesnt mean someone else wont and he wants nothing to do with me atall anymore thats why he blocked me off everything and to never contact him ever again and to never go up there. and he is really sorry hes hurt me but i willl find someone else. then said this is the last time i will ever see or hear from him then i got out the car and watched straight for my train and didnt look back that was last night. i dont know what to do ive been crying all night i feel so hurt and used hes made me cry so much over the last 5 months and he told me i will understand soon why hes doing this btw im 17 years old hes 19 and i feel so lost and depressed i feel physically sick and he was also like do you think i want someone in my life always crying and asking loads of questions. there always seems to be other girls ive cried so much over him and hes treated me like complete dirt now i dont know how to get over him i need help? i think i have an obsession because i think about him all the time still it sounds pathetic and desparate maybe i am but i try and contact him still even though i dont want to or know i shouldnt because of how much he has hurt me but i think he has blocked my number again. i think i do have an obsession and i dont understand why its like i want him to understand, to show some sort of emotion but theres nothing and hes just been ignoring me since so i take it he has blocked my number again i tried texting of other peoples phones thats how i got in contact to tell him about the miscarriage. i just dont understand i feel like he is the only person i can talk to and hes so horrible with me, ive even tried speaking to other guys and im speaking abit to this really nice guy who understands i havent told him about the miscarriage just the breakup i also havent told him and me going down to see my ex either but everytime i text him its nice for a few minutes then my ex pops back into my head and i feel like i need him more how can i get over this obsession its not healthy atall and i need help im so pathetic please help me?

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