14 Days of NC

[ingenue]

I never thought I would make it this far. I have not initiated contact nor have I heard from him since 1/1/14.

 

I had nightmares about him for seven consecutive nights. This past week has been littered with sporadic dreams of him, but I have somehow managed to sleep through the nights.

 

I am staying busy. Still, no amount of staying busy keeps my thoughts from trailing back to him. Every day I think of him. Sometimes I break down and cry for no good reason.

 

I must admit that I still follow him on some online outlets. For example, when I see some of the songs that he listens to and I wonder if he's thinking of me. Sometimes they pacify the pain of not being in his life nor he in mine, and sometimes they amplify it. I know that in order for me to move on completely, I must fully let go. This is something I am still working on, but I think my biggest hurdle is not initiating contact with him … and that I have been able to keep thus far.

 

On Monday, I saw the woman he cheated on me with. It didn't occur to me that I would run into her, despite me being on her side of campus (I'm taking a class that's in the building where her major is taught). I looked away, but it appeared that she didn't recognize me. When we crossed the street, she walked in front of me, and I felt so small. No longer do I hate her, nor do I necessarily hate him for it. It has been two years since their affair, still, the pain was so palpable I went home and cried for hours.

 

Things happened. And life goes on. Yet, it's as if I'm still here trying to mend myself.

 

I want to stop questioning.

I want to stop wondering.

I want to stop feeling.

I want to stop the pain.

[ChellyV]

I am sorry for what you are going through. It is quite tough specially when it is new. But look forward to brand new beginnings. And keep hoping for the best. Unfortunately there are people who just do not know what they want. He is one of them.

 

One day you will wake up and you feel so tired of the pain, the crying, the longing, the constant need to stalk on social media. I hope that will be soon.

[pebbles111]

You're doing really well, remember that! 14 days NC is an achievement. Seeing that person was bound to set off emotions, it's perfectly natural. But you did it, rather than suppress it, so well done. Look after yourself, you are moving through it although it may not seem so at times. Keep NC.