Stuck in the Middle!

[Savannian27]

Okay, so I decided to give link removed another whirl. And what I've found on there is if you aren't utilizing it or investing time to actually message or meet people, you can't expect much from it. All in all I would say it's been pretty successful for me, I've had a good number of dates...haven't really kept count, and I tell everybody that I go out with that I'm on there to meet people. I go out, hang out, meet up, whatever the occasion. I'm not on there for the sole purpose of finding a boyfriend or husband. When a relationship happens, I feel it should happen naturally.

 

So, I've been out with 2 different guys recently, and usually I like to keep my options open just see where things go. The first guy's name is Chris. He's probably one of the sweetest and sophisticated guys I've ever met, and we definitely have a lot in common with values, opinions, things we find funny, and interests. What caught me by surprise is a few weeks before Christmas (after we had been on only 1 date) he texts me saying he's found someone else. Wished me good luck, and I said the same. Parted ways.

 

Reeve enters the picture. I've been on other dates with different guys, but never really wanted to keep dating them. He's the exception. I'd like to keep dating him because he's very down-to-earth, we have a great time, great conversations, and he's always good about texting or calling to give me a heads up before meeting me somewhere. Granted within the holidays and aftermath of New Years I didn't see him that much, we just texted a lot during that time.

 

A little background info about these guys - Reeve works for Georgia Pacific, used to be in IT and now he's a primary manager for one of the customer accounts within Georgia Pacific. Very high profile job for him. He's 27, very smart, analyst kind of guy, and a loyal good friend to have. Look out for you when no one else does kind of guy. He just recently broke up with his now ex - back in September, for reasons of manipulation, drama-queen, spend all his money with her barely bringing in any income too.

 

Good reason to get out in my opinion. I was mostly texting Reeve during the holidays, didn't have a whole lot of chances to meet face-to-face b/c they went by fast.

 

Chris is now what I think they call a Lead Manager with Careerbuilder. He's in marketing and prospects for employers on Careerbuilder, and he trains a team of 5 people. He's been there for a little over a year now, and from what I can tell loves it for the success it's given him. He's pondering about going back to school, pursuing something in Computer Science and taking his marketing background to apply it to a computer-related field I guess.

 

After parting ways, I get a text from Chris saying hope my holiday is going well. I didn't respond. Then, a few weeks later I get a call from him (I didn't even recognize his number when he called) b/c apparently he discovered what a mistake he made in just cutting me loose. He wanted to make up for the cancelled date we had planned b4 he sent me the text saying he's found someone else.

 

I said okay because I didn't have anything to lose, and it was the first time someone has ever made the bold move to call me back after I clearly didn't want to talk to him again. It turns out the girl he wanted to keep going with told him she was recently divorced, and on her profile it said she was separated. Definitely a deal breaker for him b/c she didn't tell him until later, not straight out.

 

So since giving Chris a second chance, he's taken me out on 3 dates so far, and keeps mentioning "cuddling" like towards the end of every meet we've had. I definitely can tell he wants me to come over to his place, and yeah he might be saying "cuddling" to mean something else, but in my view he's that guy that can wait for a good thing to come to him. I've been down the path before with guys where if you jump into bed too quickly it'll be over quicker than you realize.

 

Now, this past weekend was the twist for me at least. Reeve I have not seen since before Christmas. All we had been doing since then is texting and seeing how our days were going. Felt like a good while since I've seen him. So he tells me he and a couple of good friends of his are downtown and I'm welcome to join if I want, so I figured okay why not?

 

We had fun, I will admit I had a little bit more to drink than I meant to, so I ended up staying at his place. Not a good idea to be driving home right? While we were out I admit the physical attraction kicked up quite a few notches between us, but we did drink more than I think was necessary to say the least. I'll let you figure out what happened, so in the meantime I said to Reeve I think we should see where it goes, and he said the same.

 

I don't want it to just be immediately over b/c of a one-night thing with Reeve, yet I know he's still very affected by the breakup. And Chris, the knowledge is still there that he flipped the switch from going from a divorcee to me. Who says any of this has to be fair right?

 

Advice would be greatly appreciated. This is the first time I've ever had this kind of situation.

[RedDress]

Personally, I don't think either of these guys are great choices...

 

With Chris, despite the story he gave you, he called you back because that other girl bailed on him. Sorry... but if on her profile it said she was "separated", he can't complain that she didn't tell him that she was "recently divorced". I mean... did he not read her profile?? And he's kind of pushing for sex ("cuddling").

 

With Reeve, it sounds like he might be on the rebound. It's never a good sign when you've only been on a date or two and you already know all the drama of his past relationship (she didn't work, drama queen, etc). Even just that he's talking in such negative terms kind of means (to me) that he's not over it. When you are over it, you feel indifferent. If he has those nasty things to say, that's not really indifferent.

 

Anyways... you can still see where things go...

 

Since sex is involved, I would be very clear with Reeve. Especially since you are both on a dating website - if his profile is still up and you haven't talked about exclusivity - it's quite possible that he's on the same page re: continuing to see other people. But - clarity is a good thing. If you can share a bed, you should be able to share where you are at.

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with continuing to see both of them (and others?) at this point as long as you are clear in your intentions with Reeve. No one likes being misled - so don't be that person, yanno?

[Savannian27]

Thank you! That was the best advice anyone has ever given me. Thank you RedDress, I really appreciate it.

 

I agree that it is important to be absolutely clear on everything with Reeve, and he does know I'm seeing other people since I made that clear in the beginning.

 

Same goes for Chris. He knows I'm seeing other people too. And when I say that, I mean in the sense of going out and just meeting people and seeing where it goes. If it becomes a romantic thing great, and if not I'm happy just making new friends.

 

Where Chris was coming from with the other girl, he was the one that broke it off and said "No Thank-You." It was a deal-breaker to find out later that she was divorced when she said she was separated. I can see he has a big thing about lying or keeping secrets, and I don't really want to say that she did keep a secret or lie to him, but I can tell he took it that way.

 

So I do want to continue to see where it goes, and totally agree on the acknowledgement of never leading people on. I would hate to be led on, and I would not want to do it to someone either.