how do u get a gf -really

[joe45]

i now this might be a stupid quesiton, but for a 23 soon 24 yr old guy in college who has few to no firends or even ever had a gf. really how do u make or get a gf. so u talk to em like to u talk to guys? what?

one of my guy buds says also is single and having hard time getting a date, says it helps a lot if u have a lot of friends -where u can networking with each other and just meet between and from friends -b/c no gal is going to go out with u if she hardly to ever nows u.

how did u guys or even gals meet ur bf/gf was it from firends, school.... and what was ur approach.

[RockG]

My ex- bfs and i met at school, or at games at school..

So.. this is just my advice..

Start talking to a girl in one of your own classes, or one you see around alot.... talk to her.. say hi,

The friends part.. well.. i never really had alot of friends, but i some how just talked to a guy in my class and i got a bf. So.. friends aren't every thing! And just be yourself, and just don't be afraid to take a chance!

 

Good luck!

[Prosper]

Hi Pal,

When things just happen, well it happens

[tea]

i met bf while waiting in line for a concert.

 

we kind of just talked and talked because we were bored... then it was a convention so there was a dance afterwards and he had nothing to do so we went to the ball together... and we went home (i left him my AIM while he asked for my phone number. @_@;;; i thought AIM was better!). Then the next day I roamed around the convention and I bumped into him again! \0/ We chatted as we waited around doing nothing since the afternoon wasn't very interesting... then we walked around.. I bumped into my friends and left with them to see a show... and I bumped into him again the day after! =D It's a pretty big convention of 25k people so it was pretty amazing.

 

Well, after the convention was over he IMed me online and asked me out to tea ... since I love tea.. lol. We had tea, arranged a couple more dates, and before we knew it we were dating exclusively without ever popping the question, "do you want to be my bf/gf?"

[Pyralis]

Sometimes I think that it's just luck that you find someone you "click" with. You can't make someone like you. It's like some sort of twisted lottery game where, unfortunately, some people have way more luck than others.

[Stinkweed]

Hi Pal,

When things just happen, well it happens

 

Yeah, but few guys are fortunate enough to have girls go for them. So we who are not that lucky have to get out there and try to do our best. Good luck man.

[Caldus]

But don't have that kind of attitude. You know how good of a person you are so show it! Don't give off that vibe that you are the "victim" of all of this. People notice that and it's a real turn-off.

[Stinkweed]

But don't have that kind of attitude. You know how good of a person you are so show it! Don't give off that vibe that you are the "victim" of all of this. People notice that and it's a real turn-off.

 

Agreed.

[lonelyd00d]

Look.. I'm almost 25.. and I've never had a g/f.. OR a date, even.. I don't have a whole lot of (reallife) friends. And so far, all the girls I met haven't showed any interest in me. =P

 

I have a couple of online contacts who say they'd date me.. but they'r hundreds or thousands of miles away.. so yeah, not good either.

 

I'm quite torn about it.. people online who -would- want to, while on the other hand, I get rejected in reallife.. or at least, I don't seem to make a good impression.

As for the 'don't have that bad vibe attitude thing'.. really, for me that's like really hard. I REALLY want to just go on a date. And I admit I'm desperate.. but how can I not be? (really, I don't think I come off as desperate. and I'm not as much as I could be)

 

I'd also like to add that people have come to misunderstand dating.. People used to just go on a date to get to know eachother.. nowadays, it seems that a date is only a confirmation that you like eachother! It's so twisted! So tell me, if that's the new consensus.. how are singles going to meet new possible partners if you can't ask someone you don't know? (really, networking has ruined it for us!)

 

So yeah.. good luck to us. I, for one, need it.

[Caldus]

As for the 'don't have that bad vibe attitude thing'.. really, for me that's like really hard. I REALLY want to just go on a date. And I admit I'm desperate.. but how can I not be? (really, I don't think I come off as desperate. and I'm not as much as I could be)

 

It isn't hard as soon as you stop worrying about it so much. If you are desperate then people will see that. So you really need to make an effort to quit worrying yourself over it and find some new hobbies to keep yourself occupied. And that goes for the original poster as well. And to kill two birds with one stone, to answer both of your questions that you asked, try to meet new people then! Yes, it is certainly possible to do it! So let me ask this: what are some of your hobbies right now? What are you genuinely interested in in life other than girls? Join some organizations for this interest or surround yourself with people that share a similar interest. I know it sounds cliche but I have done this before in the past and I met some great people that way.

 

People, the basic premise behind all of this is that you have your own life other then trying to get a date and that you surround yourself in an environment that suits you. Soon enough you will stop giving off that "vibe" and people will become more attracted to you.

[Prosper]

hi dead eyes,

i know there is a line btn what gals shld do and what guys can do, but what i was emphasizing as it happens it happens is like what caldus says, in a way, natural with the confirmation. Gosh i am growing older here now? hehe..

[Double J]

To the original poster,

 

Your life is what you make of it. If you really want to make something happen (meet girls, become more sociable), you can do it. The only limitations you have are those that you create in your mind. As for being desperate, no one wants someone that is desperate.. That's just human nature. We'd rather be with someone who has his or her life in order and shows that having a boy/girlriend isn't a necessary condition for attaining happiness. Do not count on having a girlfriend in order to be happy with yourself. A girl doesn't make your life complete - you make your life complete. Girls come and go, but you stay. A girl could add happiness to your life, but she is not the one that earns your degree, gives you your paycheck, and handles the everyday tasks in your life. You do that stuff, so the only one you should really depend on is yourself. And the irony is that the more you show that you don't need a girlfriend, the more girls want to be your girlfriend.

[Stinkweed]

hi dead eyes,

i know there is a line btn what gals shld do and what guys can do, but what i was emphasizing as it happens it happens is like what caldus says, in a way, natural with the confirmation. Gosh i am growing older here now? hehe..

 

You're right in many ways. But what I meant is that I just think that I'll die of old age before I have a gf if I wait for a girl to approach me... So I'd rather try approach her myself, which I guess doesn't improve my chances that much because girls see nothing in me anyway. And I bet the same happens with lots of guys who aren't blessed with looks or anything that is quickly noticeable or noticeable at first sight...

 

And so far, all the girls I met haven't showed any interest in me. =P

 

Same here man. It does suck, but try to do your best then in making yourself a likeable person and see what happens...

 

And I'd suggest you pay attention to what Double J said... it makes sense, and it's not impossible... Pay attention to the first sentence. Even though I don't think it'll do any miracles for me, I'm trying to do something like what he said... And I dunno about being desperate. Haven't put too much importance to girlfriends and that sort of thing in quite a while until I met this girl I started to like a lot...

 

So, if you're desperate, then try to things this way: You shouldn't want just any girl (Otherwise, you would just go out and pick a random stranger whom you think is good looking and try to make them like you, which sounds kinda weird...). Like Double J said, most of the time they come and go, and may even leave you sadder than before... So, it's something you don't absolutely need... But if you do see a girl you like, then that's when you should try to do things right and see if she's interested... Good luck and best wishes to everyone.

[joe45]

right now i am going to college and that is where i meet ppl. with the looks thing i don;t think i'm ugly -more like avg to good looking just shy and all.

well as a guy we all now its guys who are the ones who will have to be the initator and starter of everything -u can;t wait for the gal to do it.

[Stinkweed]

well as a guy we all now its guys who are the ones who will have to be the initator and starter of everything -u can;t wait for the gal to do it.

 

That's what I meant. If you were to wait for things to just happen, you'd have to wait a very very long time. On the other hand, it's not good to be desperate about this. So, just try to socialize without making this your main goal, but keep an open mind in case an opportunity appears.

[lonelyd00d]

Okay. I'm not this hopeless guy trying to get any girl I see. Next to that, I've been told I'm not bad-looking. I do think I'm a bit over-weight. That is something I worry about as being a turn-off for girls (but then, a LOT of guys are chubby, and some have the prettiest g/fs ) . And it's not that I'm going for the hotties (whom, I think, are often not hot at all, because they think they are). Quite some times, I have friends give me weird looks in my preference of girls.. as long as they're cute (to me ; )

 

As for hobbies. I'm always busy with one thing or the other. It's just always stuff I do on my own. Mostly computer-related, but also piano, reading, watch movies (theatre), have dinner with friends, school, and theatre. I often wonder if I can even manage to add a g/f to my busy life. Maybe I've always kept myself busy so I don't really notice that I don't socialise much.

 

As for likeability. I'm probably one of the nicest guys you'll meet. I always make time for friends. I hardly ever have any arguments with people. I'm also very open about everything. If anything, I'm not very assertive with talking to people. (esp. if I compare it to a very outgoing friend of mine) I'm usually better off on my own that way. But going to a bar filled with strangers on your own seems to me as sheer torture. And I hardly ever hit on women. (So I don't think I'm giving off a desperate vibe)

 

I've people tell me quite frequently that they don't understand why I don't have a girlfriend. Or why I should have trouble 'getting' one..

[joe45]

lol i'm not fat like 5 7 140lbs.

 

lets say u go in and join a group b/c one of ur friend is in that group- have any of u gotten the "get loset", or we don't want u here" or some insulting thing to go away vibe or even a verbal speech towards u, and if yes what do u say.

 

when do gals consider a guy that he is desperate from a guy who isn't. how do u act in the non desperate way , but hey how do u get to now the girl , if u can't talk to her and act interested- after her and speak to her. i mean what is acting desperate and what isn't

[Pyralis]

when do gals consider a guy that he is desperate from a guy who isn't. how do u act in the non desperate way , but hey how do u get to now the girl , if u can't talk to her and act interested- after her and speak to her. i mean what is acting desperate and what isn't

 

Hey, that's a really good question. I'd like to know the answer to that one too.

 

lol i'm not fat like 5 7 140lbs.

 

I think that's normal for 5' 7". I'm 5' 11" and only 139 lbs. I'm too skinny. lol. I need to bulk up a bit. I'm a toothpick.

[Ceema-k]

I personally believe that "fate" and "destiny" will only take effect if you make a earnest decision with yourself to act and take steps to change your life.

 

I sat on my posterior end for years, confident that fate would bring me and a partner together at some point. Well...if you do this, prepared to be very patient.

 

How to not appear desperate? It really stems from being confident with yourself. And how do you become confident with yourself? Man, if I could conclusively answer both those questions I would be I very wealthy man, indeed.

 

One piece of advice (which I rarely use) is to just make it your daily habit to talk to ANY and EVERY one. In the past I took a lot of jobs that required me to deal with the public and talk a lot. It really helped me to not only come out of my shell but to improve my conversational skills and body language when chatting with someone.

 

Another thing I just thought of is this: dating in general is fraught with excitment, emotions, stress, pain and disappontment. It can be very exhausting if you focus all your resources (mental & physical) on dating and finding that elusive girlfriend. In my life, I found the more I focused on finding a girl, the more easily I would get depressed, & irritable and a lot of my other interests (friends included) would suffer because my mind was always on one thing: must meet girls, must meet girls...

 

So maybe try doing 2 things. First, ease up on your mission to find a girlfriend. Instead of making it your primary short-term objective, make it #2 or #3. At the same time, force yourself to do something active & that you enjoy. If you don't normally go to a bar or club... surprise yourself and just hang out at one sometime. Don't pressure yourself into doing anything... just grab a drink with some friends & observe the other patrons. Watch other people engage in the pick-up song & dance. it's very interesting to watch, i assure you.

[69_king]

There's a fine line between not looking desperate and making sure the girl (or guy) knows you are truly interested.

 

If you try too hard to look "not desperate" then you may make the other person think that you are not really interested in them and you don't find them special. (Actually, this can often have a reverse psychological effect and actually make them want you more. Girls use this a lot )

 

It just takes a little practice to perfect it.

[joe45]

i think it helps a lot if u have a lot of friends unlike me who has none-b/c they intriduce u to each other ....etc

 

the firends i usually make or end up coming as firends also tend to be like me-loner. cool ppl hang with cool ppl, ......etc ppl hang with their own

 

i bought some nicer clothes and some clothes with name brands on it and all but guess what same old same old the nice clothes doesn't make u that much attractive in making friends.

 

maybe ur ppl are right even if i was to win the lottery and be drving a Porsche instead of taking the bus it wouldn't help me gain any more friends or even a gf-well maybe a money grubbing one.

[Caldus]

i think it helps a lot if u have a lot of friends unlike me who has none-b/c they intriduce u to each other ....etc

 

the firends i usually make or end up coming as firends also tend to be like me-loner. cool ppl hang with cool ppl, ......etc ppl hang with their own

 

i bought some nicer clothes and some clothes with name brands on it and all but guess what same old same old the nice clothes doesn't make u that much attractive in making friends.

 

maybe ur ppl are right even if i was to win the lottery and be drving a Porsche instead of taking the bus it wouldn't help me gain any more friends or even a gf-well maybe a money grubbing one.

 

It's not neccessarily about getting nicer clothes or anything like that. It's about believing in yourself and being able to enjoy life. Nicer clothes may help but what needs to be improved is you.

[joe45]

first off as a guy who has initated and started like 6x's for the conversation and gettin firendly with the girl i was always the initator. ogling other women was my idea of making her a little jealous, and making her think that i ain't that desperate for u, even though u said NO to me i ain't all over u. i now a lot of women are teases-talk and be nice to a guy and flirt-guy ask her out and she says NO. ogling other gals -my intention was to get her to apporach me instead of myself approaching her alllll the time which was like so many times. what i am going do from now on is ask for the gals e mail addy, or maybe even # and just ask her out from there and not face to face. i just hate face to face rejeciton . i also going to get myself to now the girl more and be her firend before askin her out.

i think of it as a learning experience.

[Shinobie]

It should come when it comes.Dont be like me because i have my mind thinking its not gonna happen for awhile cause ive never had one.But just keep doing more man and listen to what some of these great people have to same.And stay away from being negative because ive noticed negativity likes to rear its ugly head and make things worse.Just let it come man.Because i agree with some of these people that it happens when it happens and you will know.Gl man.

[JonnyG]

Its about going from 1 girl to another to another to another to another....til one finally says "yes" to u

 

If your lucky, they may even come up to u. Amazingly a few girls have come up to me . I always look for girls im interested in and hope they give us a few looks and if im confident that they might be interested i'll try to chat to them. But unfortunately most girls won't even manage to do that.

 

Get yourself out, look smart, be hygienic, look happy and approachable, lookout for the girls body language around u.

 

Get yourself perhaps involved in social events. Go the gym, improve your physique, u might meet people there as well as make yourself look more attractive.

 

Finally, good luck, u need it in this world, well at least i do, I find them impossible to understand. I've pulled and been out with attractive girls, yet most nights i will go out and not a single girl (be it good looking, average or ugly ) in the entire joint looks like they can even see me .

 

To be honest, I don't even think u can look for these things, u meet a girl when it happens. Seems to be fate for me.